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Adoption

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Original poster

Are we running out of time?

18 replies

Lairyfights · 21/05/2018 00:46

Due to my infertility, my husband and I have decided to adopt. This has been a decision we knew a couple of years ago but because of surgery we didn’t start the process.

I am 29 and he is 34. We have our own house and both have good jobs (I’m a teacher, he’s an electrician). However, I’m worried we are leaving it too late and won’t be approved. Our house isn’t perfect and it’s really bothering me that if we can’t start the process until we have our house finished (about 2 years) then we’ll be deemed ‘too old’ to adopt a young family.

Does anyone have any advice?
If it helps, the house isn’t unsafe but we are planning on a new porch/landscaping the front garden (there is zero curb appeal) and our kitchen is very old! We do eventually want to move but that adds a whole other issue into the mix! I didn’t think it was a good idea to adopt and then move because of the upheaval for the children, but the idea of spending 2 years doing our house up, selling it and then doing up another house before we adopt also adds on so much time!

Any help would be really appreciated!

OP posts:

flapjackfairy · 21/05/2018 01:19

Firstly you dont need a perfect house and garden to adopt so that solves that one.
Secondly lots of adoptors are in their forties. My husband and I are 54 and 53 with an adooted 4 yr old so really you are young in adoption terms so no need to worry about that either.
Your circumstances dont need to be perfect to start the process so dont overthink it is my advice. Good luck with the journey whenever you decide to embark on it

Jessica78 · 21/05/2018 08:00

Not at all. We are 40 & think we've been some of the youngest in the room on training days, so your fears are completely unfounded, don't worry about it & enjoy the next couple of years!

sunnymam · 21/05/2018 08:15

Mid thirties when I started the process and I was considered a young adopter!!

PicaK · 21/05/2018 10:36

Do the house up when they are older thenyou won't stress about chipped kitchen cabinets, drawn on walls, stained carpets etc!

BPG20 · 21/05/2018 11:37

I was three years younger than you when we started the process last year and I was the youngest in our prep groups by far.

Madelinea · 21/05/2018 16:04

We are 29 and 30 and definitely found we were young. There are adopters of all ages. I wouldn't worry x

Ted27 · 21/05/2018 18:35

good grief no you arent too old, I was 47 when my son came home!

about your house, kids aren't bothered about kerb appeal ! You're right to get any big jobs done before kids arrive because you probably won't have the time, money or inclination to do it when they arrive.
But if you are worried about the time, why will it take you two years to finish the house, then is it such a good idea to buy another house which needs loads of work. There is a balance between how much money you invest in a house, compared to the higher sale price, particularly if you sell fairly quickly. If its a concern I would just move now and put my money into the house you are going to stay in.

2old2beamum · 21/05/2018 19:36

Another oldie here, DH and I were 63 and 65 when our 3 year old was placed, keeps us young most of the time
Do not worry too much about your house, we have been here 30 years and still not finished!
Good luck!

Italiangreyhound · 21/05/2018 22:03

I adopted a 3 year old at 48.

Decide. What you want to get done with regard to the house and garden, might be everything or nothing, then go for it.

Good luck.

Rufus27 · 21/05/2018 22:07

We adopted our son aged 8 months at 45 and his sister (same age) at 46. You have time on your side.

Alljamissweet · 21/05/2018 22:19

Sw’s prefer lived in homes rather than show houses! Can you imagine spending a load of money on a new kitchen and garden to have the cupboards drawn on with permenant marker and the garden dug up by a happy little one making a mud pie!
Once it’s safe, leave it.
If you were to wait 2 years, do it all up, sell, SW’s might make you wait 6 months to a year so you are settled in your new home before starting the process as they want you to focus on only that......well, that’s what they did with us!
Go on a great holiday, have lots of fun, then start the process.
You are really young, I was 42 when our 25 month old came home! You my dear are a spring chicken

howmanyusernames · 22/05/2018 15:48

We started a loft conversion at the end of stage 1, it took 10 weeks, we lived in a building site, and also had to have some of our social worker meetings in the local coffee shop as there were plumbers, electricians, builders and plasterers there, all walking through the house!

Our social worker was fine with it, although some won't let you progress until the work is done, but ours was lovely, could see things progressing, and knew it would be complete before approval panel.

We were 42 and 34 when approved for a 6 month old. You are not old, even in 2 years time, but for the work you want doing will it really take 2 years to do?

Barbadosgirl · 22/05/2018 18:58

Don’t get your house perfect pre-kids, they just trash it looks wistfully at sitting room

My husband was fifty when our second son came home aged 4 1/2 months at the end of last year. At 34 the first time and 38 this time I am considered fairly youthful in adoption terms.

donquixotedelamancha · 22/05/2018 19:35

Don’t get your house perfect pre-kids, they just trash it looks wistfully at sitting room

Dear God this is true. On that note: hydrophobic carpet is the best invention ever.

Original poster

Lairyfights · 09/06/2018 00:07

Oh my word, thank you so much for all these lovely messages! For some reason I had no notifications saying anyone had replied so I’ve only just found them! I think I can get trapped sometimes reading all these reports and scary stories and it all feels like we won’t measure up!

Honestly, thank you all again. You’ve no idea how much better I feel reading about you all living happy, normal family lives in your lates 30’s and 40’s!

OP posts:

weeboysmummy · 09/06/2018 00:13

I was 35 before we started fertility investigations and treatment, all which takes time and then failed. After leaving the required gap before applying for adoption this all meant I was 41 when my now 3 year old son came home. You have loads of time!

hidinginthenightgarden · 09/06/2018 15:56

We were 26 and 30 when approved. Our SW said we were the youngest couple they had assessed.

Firstnameterms · 10/06/2018 08:12

As long as it is safe and clean your house does not need to be done up! Since adopting our daughter 2 years ago we have had to put in 2new bathrooms and a new kitchen! SS were more than happy with our house before we did this because cupboards can have childlocks and it was clean. So please don’t worry! You just need to sort out any unfinished building work you might have.

Also, you are both very young in terms of adoption. We were 30when DD came home. We have met many adopters and we are on average 10years younger. We have yet to meet an adoptive couple our age. It makes no difference, you sound like you have a lot to offer so please don’t worry!

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