Post adoption depression and step families

[BPG20]

I think I may have some form of PAD.

DS has been home for nearly 5 months. Had a rough few weeks at the start but he is very happy and settled and generally lovely. I love spending time with him and find so much happiness in him.

Unfortunately though it has massively impacted on my relationship with my DSS(8). Ive been a part of his life since he was 2 and he's always been my best pal. But all of a sudden I am being vile to him and I don't know what to do. I was going to post this in stepparents board but I definitely think this is related to the adoption rather than just "new baby comes along and strong starts resenting her stepchild". I find faults in everything he does, very minor things that aren't important but I lose my temper at him (not infront of DS).

Today my DSS has heard me utter the words "I am done with you" and now I fucking hate myself. I have apologised, cuddled him, reassured him that j love him so so much and that something inside me has broken and I need to get it fixed but that it is absolutely not his fault.

I don't even know why I'm posting tbh, I almost hope no one else has experience with this because it's such an awful thing for a child to have to experience on top of the added strains of a new adoptes sibling.

I just need to fix it because I cannot have him resenting me, or his brother.

I had PAD after we adopted our second child.
It was awful. I was vile to both the kids at times. I remember one morning slapping my older child on the back. I almost collapsed crying afterwards and had to ring DH to come home because I was afraid of being alone with the kids.
I got over it though with counselling and medication but it was a very difficult time.
Get yourself to the doctor.
Good luck.

I’ve been in denial for having PAD for around four years. I think with all the bad times leading to it, the failed IVF, the envy of my friends with families, the long adoption process with all the delays...I think when we got him I daren’t get attached in case something went wrong. And then convinced myself if I admitted how I was feeling he’d be taken away. Plus the serious guilts for not being over the moon.

I’m feeling a lot better now but again it has involved medication and counselling

Does your agency offer any support?

Yup - been there. Don't beat yourself up. Ring post adoption tell them you are struggling. I did this - they could not have been kinder, more understanding and more helpful. You need support - they can give it. Plus i went on anti-ds and that also helped. You are not an evil step mum. It's bloody tough. You are allowed to f* up once.

@BPG20 I really do not know but I would go to the gp, in your shoes, and get some help.

It does sound bad and I am sorry for you. You have at least worked out what might be going on. And at 8 your dss should 've able to appreciate if you are ill. Post Adoption support might be available and might help you to explain in age appropriate language to your dss.