Me and my husband are about to move to stage 2 in the process, everything is going incredibly well. We have been telling our close family the past few weeks and my husbands children now know too.
One of my best friends, the one that’s really helped throughout all of my infertility journey and a fantastic support to our decision to adopt, has just told me she’s a couple of weeks pregnant. I am really happy for her, as she has been trying for her second child for a good year now. I’m the first person she’s told and I’m praying the tiny being inside of her stays put, she’s incredibly lucky. There are no hard feelings at all, we had an excitable conversation about sincing up our leave together, so we can do loads of stuff together and our children.
My SIL is also due to give birth next month to my niece, she’s due the day after my babies due date was. This no longer hurts, although I never met my babies, I miss them, the idea of them I guess but I now feel so involved in adoption, all desire to have a baby has left me. My babies were not meant to be from my tummy, but through adoption we will find each other.
I think that it’s now hit me how invested I am to this, and it’s scary. I am excited and I am happy and everything is positive.... so now I have realised this, I am petrified. Absolutely petrified that something may go wrong and I feel numb at the thought of what I would do then. I have been trying to protect my emotions but in reality they aren’t at all. I have been putting my everything into this, my future is this.
How the hell do I now back track to help guard myself again. I’m sat here feeling like I’m going insane, on the outer I’m still reserved but inside I’m fully invested and allowing happiness to follow that.
Has anybody else scared themselves with this realisation? How have you managed your emotions and feelings? What could happen to stop this for us? I’m trying to enjoy my journey, but now feel that I should be.
