Pre pre preperations

[Sueviola]

Hi,

I am 26 and getting married next year. My partner and I are both female and considering adoption as our first choice to start a family. A friend of mine from university adopted last year but I know she had a lot of people who thought they were too young and made it hard for her. There couldn't be better parents!

Will I be considered too young?

Is there anything else I can do now. I know you need childcare experience. I am a primary school teacher, brownie leader of two units and senior section leader. I also babysit regularly at a hotel. What should I do?

I am overweight with a BMI of 27. Will this be an issue? I also have ceoliac disease but it is well managed.

The last thing that worries me is I was bullied out of a job 4 years ago. It was a teaching job. All my references have been perfect since then. I changed jobs in September and it was such a lovely reference. Will they approach my previous bullying boss and what happens if she is unfair?

Also, we would like to adopt a child with needs that allow me to eventually return to work. I don't want to care for a child with profound and multiple disabilities for the rest of my life. Is this unreasonable?

Not unreasonable to say no profound disabilities.

I can't see why they would need to contact previous employer from 4 years ago for reference.

Coeliac won't be an issue.

BMI 27, probably not an issue either. Healthy lifestyle will be needed.

Given you are both female I can't see that 26 would be too young, but they will want relationship to be stable and I don't know how long that means.

You sound like you have a lot to offer.

I'm 27 but was 26 when approved, with a BMI of 32 - as above, you'll just need to demonstrate you lead a healthy lifestyle.

Your employment history should not be a problem at all and I can't imagine they will want to speak to any employer other than your current one.

We also made it clear we could not look after a child with significant disabilities and it wasn't an issue at all.

Thanks!

In all honesty we are not at the point of getting in touch with anyone yet, just making choices and planning ahead.

By the time we start to approach anyone we will have been in a relationship 6 years. Our relationship has never been "up and down" it's pretty unremarkable. I know adoption can be very hard and I know how tricky it was for my friends. I suppose you never know.

Thanks for the reasureance on the job. I don't know a lot about adoption but people say that it's a brutal detailed process.

What sort of things are they looking for in terms of healthy lifestyle. We eat a low sugar diet and we walk to work and the shops. My partner is sporty but I am only really active on the weekends.

Thanks for the reassurance. Do you think being gay will be a problem? What extra skills are they looking for? Also, any advice on childcare experience? Obviously the things i have done are miles away from parenting.

I have no experience of adoption, but just want to say that you sound like a great option for a child needing adoptive parents. Your age, being gay, etc should be no issue to anyone.

You say your extensive childcare experience is miles away from actual parenting.... but it is far more experience than most people have had before they start a family!

Thanks little cabbage.

I hear what you are saying about most people and experience but I feel like adoptive parents are held to a different standard because of the additional needs of the children. I must say, I am concerned that I wouldn't be able to meet the needs of the child. I really want a family, but I'm worried I will be a carer.

Hi, I think everything you've mentioned would not be a problem. We had very broad matching criteria but said we would not be able to take a child with life encompassing problems as we would prefer a sibling group or large family and it would not be fair on the others. Good luck!

My feeling on the health side of it was always that their overall concern was that you weren't so unhealthy you'd need caring for or drop down dead in the kids childhood. Being able to dash after them to stop them rushing in the road and push them on the swings plus points!!
I think your job thing will be a plus point. Have you had a really awful shit experience where you had to ask for help and build your confidence up after, not let it destroy your relationship and come through it? Big tick. You have something to show you can empathise with the child. "Perfect" people not much use to adopted kids tbh.

We were approved first time round when DW was 29 and adoption was also our first choice.

It's absolutely right to scope out what you can and can't cope with, but I would say that life, especially as an adopter, throws curveballs and you do just end up getting on with it.

Our experience first time round was that we waited a while to be matched because we weren't deemed 'ideal' as a gay couple, but second time round our experience was really valued.

On the gay thing, it's not at all a drawback. We're a same sex couple who adopted and it was never an issue.

LAs by law have to treat you equally. Having said that, we spoke to a few LAs and went with one who we felt was most genuinely enthusiastic about the gays.

I was 26 when we were approved. The youngest couple our SW have ever assessed but it in no way went against us. You sound like a great candidate. The fact that you are aware of the extra work and potential issues of adopting is a great start.