Contacting ex partners

[Imya40]

Hi,

We are in the very early stages of researching adoption. From reading many posts I can see that relationships are explored as part of the assessment process and sometimes ex partners are contacted.

This makes me slightly anxious as although I am now in my mid forties and have been with husband for 9 years (married for 7 years) I have not really had any other significant relationships that have lasted more than 6 months.

I had a long term relationship when I was at university for about 2 years ( we did not live together and no kids ). Which was over 20 years ago and then a few other short term relationships/flings with very, very long periods of times being single.

Do you think that the fact the lack of any significant relationships in my life prior to my husband will go against me ?. Also do you think they will want to contact my ex boyfriend from 20 years ago ? Or the very few others i had relationships with. Will they expect me to provide names and addresses of previous partners ?. I would feel very uncomfortable and embarrassed about doing this.

Thanks in advance

They'll most likely only want to talk to anyone you lived with and where children were involved, yours or theirs. My situation is somewhat similar to yours but it wasn't an issue at all. It was touched on during the home study but it really wasn't a big deal. I'd say be prepared to talk about it in terms of what you were doing with your life at that point and how you feel about it now.
Good luck with it all.

I was briefly engaged to a man and lived with him prior to meeting my husband. All went wrong but I was open and honest with social worker about it all, I was so nervous about it and almost decided not to go ahead as i hated the thought of him being contacted after 18 years!! Social worker just listened to it all asked how I learned from the situation and didn’t even contact him!! Was a total non issue that had I let get in the way of applying would mean my gorgeous little boy would not be here with us now xx

I must admit I do worry too - I was with someone 7 years ago and social worker had said they would like to contact him as we lived together. Things didn't end well and although I don't think he would give a bad reference I would prefer they didn't contact him do that he knew our business. I am going to see what they would say but hoping it won't affect things x

Thanks for your replies. It's re- assuring to know that I am not the only one worrying about this. I am really hoping that they will decide to not contact but if they do I guess you just have to go with it. However if you genuinely have no idea where they are now living, how does the SW find them ? . Thanks

Hi @Imya40 when I met with social worker they asked if I had contact details or could get them so I am assuming if you don't have them they may not persue...

@Imya40

Hi I had a two year relationship also many years ago, never lived with and didn't have kids. Was never mentioned by myself as it wasn't important. I've been with my husband 12 years now and married almost 4. We've been placed with siblings and are awaiting court hearing. I wouldn't worry. And same to everyone else