Hi, just looking for advice really.
Back story - I separated from my abusive ex husband 9 years ago when DS had just turned 2. He moved away straight after and didn't see DS for a year. Then he suddenly decided he wanted to see him, so we went through court and due to his severe mental health problems, he was granted supervised contact at a contact centre. He turned up for the six sessions, but when it went to normal contact, he gave up after two sessions and hasn't seen DS for 7 years. He refuses to pay maintenance, CSA can't do anything as he's self employed so I gave up. He said if I contact the CSA again, he'll make things difficult for me.
During this period of time, I met my now husband. We've been together since DS was coming up to 3. We've been married three years, together nearly 8. He's brought my DS up, provided for him and supported us through all the issues my ex left behind. Debts, house repossession, my chronic illness.
He wants to officially adopt DS and DS wants the same. He wants nothing to do with his biological father and has bad memories of him. I'm certain I want this to happen too. Ex husband allowed DS to change his surname to my now husband's.
About three years ago, we started the process and had an assessment from SS. They spoke to exH who expressed that he didn't want the adoption to go ahead and I was stopping him from seeing DS. This is what he tells everyone even though it was quite the opposite. He is one of those abusive men who comes across as an absolute delight to anyone who meets him.
Anyway, SS said they'd sent their report to court and we've heard nothing since. I've nene chasing and chasing it for the last year and I just had a call to say everything has been lost and we need to start again. I'm really angry about this, but what can I do?
I'm asking if anyone has had a similar experience. Is there any point in us going ahead if exH is going to make things difficult (and he will do his very best). He's told me the reason he doesn't see DS is because if he did, he'd have to pay for him. He told me years ago he'd accept the adoption but when SS saw him, he told her lies about me stopping him from seeing him and she tried to say it was all my fault, I wasn't encouraging visits etc, when I was the one constantly trying to get him to see his child!
All this is so upsetting for DS, who wants DH to be his official Dad.