How to manage transitions for a new sibling

[Purple1314]

Hi

I was wondering how people who have adopted second time round have managed introductions and how long they have been? What did your introductions plan look like? Many thanks.

Hi. Our intros lasted a week second time round, with DD1 being part of it from Day 3. It was a total balancing act and much harder to manage the logistics than the first time, but we got there. I just kept repeating to myself..Just a week..It's just a week.

I found that we really had to speak up for the interests of DD1 at planning meetings etc as SW were only really thinking about DD2 and the other children in FC with her.

Thank you, that’s so helpful. We have been given quite a long timetable over a couple of weeks going backwards and forwards so it’s helpful to know others have done it over a shorter time. Did someone come with you to provide childcare for DD1?

Wow, several weeks?! Roughly how old is LO? We could have done with intros being a day shorter.

We worked days 1 and 2 around school, my mum came to us for the afternoon of day 3, days 4 and 5 we were all together, then days 6 and 7 intros moved to ours, so DD1 was back in school. We did more of just one of us with DD2 than was ideal, but it was necessary.

Our LO is under 4 so not at school yet and the new baby is under a year. I think they wanted to spread it out over 3-4 weeks with a mixture of us visiting there and then baby visiting here then us going down there for a couple of days and then baby here again with Fc for another week. Your intros sound much more what we were expecting so maybe we’ll suggest something similar.

We adopted for a second time about 18 months ago. It’s been v v v tough...we totally underestimated the impact on dS1.

We did intros over 10 days - DS2 lived with his foster carer locally so it was “doable”. We had someone looking after DS1 full time when he wasn’t in school - but DS1 met DS2 twice in the first week (on day 3 and day 4) and then at the weekend. It’s important to include DC1 but I am pleased we had some one on one time with DC2 (we fudged how long we were staying with DS2 because we didn’t want DS1 getting jealous). Not sure how old your first child is but be aware their behaviour could massively change.

We are quite settled now - so it worked out in the long run.

We’ve adopted twice. Both times we scheduled intros in the week before a school holiday, so our BC kept to their usual routine in intros week, also allowing us time alone with new AC. They met their new sib after school on the Wed and Thurs of the week ( it meant a lot of driving for us as we were back and forth a lot). Then school staff training days on the Friday ( by chance, both times) meant we had a good day all together at FC and on neutral ground, before returning new AC to Foster Carer in evening. 7 day intro both times so AC home on the Monday morning in time for School holiday week.
The intro of AC1to AC2 was a little trickier, as we wanted them to have time alone together in intro week. We planned well for this, older two were at school, but however much you plan, with kids involved events usually go array! AC1 had sickness bug!
We ended up having to ‘divide and conquer’, one parent with AC1, the other with newbie. Intros back on track by the Thursday. A very understanding FC helped so much.

Sounds like v long intros for a baby. Ours were six days with big boy at 8 months and that was too late no in hindsight.

With no. 2 intros were 4 days all with big boy. One day at fc, rest with us. Worked v well.

SEcond time around ours were 3 days and the final day our older BS and AD came with us and we all went out for the day together.

Those intros do seem really long for such young children. Both times we were 5 days. Like others I underestimated the impact on our daughter. Looking back I think she was totally overwhelmed and I think part of her thought she was doing intros to be left with her new brother's FC. I think it brought back so many memories for her.

So helpful to hear people’s experiences, we are hoping not to actually take our LO to the Fc too often as we don’t want her to feel like the introductions are for her. Lots of food for thought and discussion when we go back to discuss the intro planning. Thank you everyone.

Purple, that's a good point about your LO feeling that she is being 'introduced' to the FC! And therefore likely triggering, we worried a lot about this.

Hope all goes well.