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Original poster

Is this normal?

20 replies

CharlieSays13 · 22/03/2018 16:41

So near panel now and I thought all my written work was done but no, social worker has requested another narrative. I've just had a count up and I've written upwards of 80 thousand words over several bits of 'homework'. I wrote less in my final year at University! Is this normal? By in large I've enjoyed the writing and it's been cathartic but it's wearing thin now.

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FreshAirHere · 22/03/2018 17:05

Hello, that does sound like a lot of time and effort.
During our assessment, we had lots of various bits to do for homework and it did get quite tiring...and I remember having to do less for uni finals as well. It depends on the social worker, they could be trying to strengthen your case as much as possible.
It's better for you (and them) if you provide as much information before panel, rather than having questions from panel members and then having to defer the decision in the panel for a later date.

Original poster
CharlieSays13 · 22/03/2018 18:49

I'll write War and Peace if it gets us where we need to be, although I feel like I already have. I know our SW feels that it has a stronger impact in our own words which I totally understand and agree with so I'm happy to do it. Does feel like double work at times, we talk about it for 3 hours, SW takes notes then a week later they ask me to write about it. Still, nearly there now so hoping it'll all be worth it.

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hidinginthenightgarden · 22/03/2018 21:10

We only wrote one or two sections. The rest was done through the medium of conversation, one SW wrote notes and then they typed it up.

Italiangreyhound · 26/03/2018 16:52

@CharlieSays13 it does seem a lot. But sick it up, as I know you will and one day, when you come to write your life story you will be glad. Grin

Italiangreyhound · 26/03/2018 16:53

suck it up!!

Original poster
CharlieSays13 · 26/03/2018 21:10

Ha! I'll sick it up too if it gets us through panel 😂

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topcat2014 · 26/03/2018 21:17

We were lead to believe we have these meetings (weekly?) and the SW does any writing.

I hated essays at school and uni, and really don't want to write any nowadays..

I've already done more reading than for my degree.

it was accountancy, there wasn't much

Original poster
CharlieSays13 · 27/03/2018 08:37

Hi topcat. It'll be interesting to see what you're asked to do. For us, we had weekly meetings lasting 2/3 hours and social worker took notes. We were also asked to write our own narratives on several areas. I feel like there has been a fair bit of double work but our SW feels the impact is stronger in our own words. It's been a lot of work. Our report is nearly done and panel soon so hopefully it'll all be worth it. Speaking to another prospective adoptor at the same stage as us in a neighbouring local authority and the only written work they've done is their ecomap. Doesn't seem to be much parity in what people are asked to do. All your reading will be worth it, you'll definitely need it. Good luck

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howmanyusernames · 27/03/2018 10:48

Our SW had meetings and chats with us, and then he put everything together. Even the Eco-map, he just asked us questions and then wrote it up! Then once he'd done the PAR he sent it to us to check, we told him any amendments, and he then updated them. I feel lucky now!!!

Original poster
CharlieSays13 · 27/03/2018 13:44

Howmany....I could cry! 😊

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howmanyusernames · 27/03/2018 14:52

We would always think the meetings were too often and for too long, but now I'm grateful as he was gathering all this info to write up our PAR! Sorry! Wink

topcat2014 · 28/03/2018 07:05

Out of interest, when did these meetings take place?

howmanyusernames · 28/03/2018 08:04

Our meetings took place throughout stage 1 and 2, almost weekly, for about 3 hours each time. The filtered off a bit at the end of stage 2, while our SW was preparing our PAR.

Original poster
CharlieSays13 · 28/03/2018 11:39

Topcat...we had weekly meetings for about 15 weeks, lasted between 2 to 3 hours each time. Sporadic meetings now that our PAR is being written up. Still being asked for bloody more 'homework' though 😂
Due to our circumstances we've been able to be pretty flexible and exact day and time of meetings were usually agreed in the same week, maybe only a couple of days notice but that worked OK for us. Oureating some were during the working day.

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topcat2014 · 28/03/2018 19:44

The thing is, I don't really have a particularly flexible employer. They are OK, but it is a small firm and presenteeism is the order of the day.

We have yet (ie us and SW) to discuss any meetings in Stage 2. We had none in Stage 1 - and we are on our second SW so far, who we haven't met face to face yet.

At this point I am struggling to think what we could talk about week after week after week - but I guess it will make more sense once we get to that part.

Original poster
CharlieSays13 · 28/03/2018 20:53

I'm not sure how we'd have managed if we were 9-5 workers to be honest. But as we're not it didn't come up. I'm sure if we had strict work hours our social worker would have had to work round that.
Be prepared to talk like you've never talked before, no area of your life will be left out. Your childhood and how you were parented, your motivation to adopt, how it will impact your life, how you will cope with a traumatised child, all your significant relationships. I could go on and on. It's pretty intrusive and can be emotional but if your sw is decent they'll be approachable and try to put you are ease.

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topcat2014 · 28/03/2018 22:43

@CharlieSays13 - did this help you in the end? I get that it is for the PAR, and to get through panel etc - but did you feel better 'trained' by the whole thing?

We had two days for Stage 1 - which were great, but we are in a lull where nothing is going on at the moment - feels a bit in limbo if you see what I mean.

If we could just get stage 2 started, I think some of the motivation would come back.

I am all 'read out' on the books at the moment.

dimples76 · 29/03/2018 07:12

I had to write a lot too - I was given a set of questions each week and would email my answers to my SW before our meeting. She would review my answers prior to our meeting and then ask me more specific questions. It seemed like a more efficient use of my SW's time and I got through Stage 2 and the PAR was written in about 10 weeks. It was definitely worth the effort - I was happy with my PAR and it lead to me being approved just in time for my gorgeous boy.

IAmMumWho · 30/03/2018 16:29

We never wrote anything. I've seen people say I've wrote X amount of words but we never did. Is that normal?

Original poster
CharlieSays13 · 30/03/2018 20:08

I think it shows that there is absolutely no parity in the assessment...and there should be!

Topcat, I don't see it as just getting through the PAR and panel. I reckon we know as much about adoption as we possibly can at this stage and this will all be needed once our kids come home and the learning really starts. I hope things get going for you soon.

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