Adopter network advice!

[Tootsweets23]

Hello! I have a mate who has just adopted a five year old. She's not a huge user of online forums and isn't on Facebook, but is looking to find an online community for support/advice on raising her adopted child. I'm sure many of the issues will be the same as biological children, however it is likely some issues will be specific having been in care and then adopted. I might be mistaken, but this area appears more for people going through adoption than the parenting of adopted kids. Is that right? Do you have any recommendations for where she should look/post on mumsnet or any other online forum? I think she's join Facebook and try to stay anonymous if it meant she could find a network of people who have similar experiences! Many thanks in advance.

" might be mistaken, but this area appears more for people going through adoption than the parenting of adopted kids. Is that right?" No this forum is for both.

It's a little quiet at the moment.

I've found it to be very helpful but it is not a fast-paced one.

This is the best forum I think for ongoing adoption discussions: www.adoptionuk.org/forums/adopters

Can Google "Adoption Social has a wide range of subjects and topics. including education, and pupil premium

There are two closed Facebook groups which I'm finding helpful for parenting my adopted children -

Adoptive Parents Support Group (UK ONLY)

which is great for advice and support, and for just sharing moments and victories which might not make sense to a wider, non adoption related audience.

and

Therapeutic Parents (part of NATP)

Therapeutic parenting isn't adoption specific, but is very appropriate for adoptive parenting, and is another great source of advice and support. She could also buy membership which gives her access to their online resources (eg handouts for schools etc) and join a local Listening Circle. I went to my first one recently (which was made up of adopters and foster carers), and it was so valuable to finally meet other people with similar experiences. We are also in group contact via Messenger.

Adoptive parenting can be hard and isolating, and often non adopters (and schools, health professionals etc!) will dismiss concerns by saying "well they all do that" or offering damaging advice eg rewards charts, naughty step, ignore bad behaviour etc. I wish I had had access to more peer support over the last six years, before things started to get really difficult, so would really advise her to consider these groups. Hope that's useful.

Thank yoiu so much for these suggestions! Especially Late to the Party, this is brilliant. As you say, I understand that adoptive parenting can be difficult and also so much advice will run counter to what is best for an adopted child. Her mates will do what we can, but having a network of people with the same/similar experiences would be so much better. Thanks again, I am passing on!

Fertilityfriends.co.uk also has an adoption section which is very friendly and helpful

Joining Adoption UK would give access to local group meet ups.
Being 'open' about the fact her child is adopted will probably gradually bring people out of the woodwork too.
(Adopter of 11 years)

Hi @Tootsweets23,

I agree with everything already mentioned above, and would also add Twitter – I have found the adoption community there incredibly supportive. (I'm here if she needs a starting place.)

There's an active adoption blogging community – a good place to find adoption blogs is at Full Time Tired which updates with a new list starting each Monday. Both can be really reassuring when you're wondering about adoption-specific problems.

I run The Adoptive Parents' Self-Care Club (free adoption-related resources and a private Facebook group for encouragement) if she's interested in that.

Hope that helps

Hannah

NATP is fantastic. I’m also part of their local listening circle where you get to meet up face to face with other local therapeutic parents - so far everyone I have met has been an adopter or foster carer. Their Facebook page is my first go to these days for advice and there is a LOT more traffic there than in here these days. I don’t use my real name on Facebook and don’t post any pics of DS so no link back to him or me in ‘real life’. They also offer a helpline to members (small annual fee, think it’s about 3 or 4 pound a month) but that gives you access to all sorts of support.

I’d agree with the therapeutic Facebook page. It’s the most practical. If your friend doesn’t do Facebook then she could make a profile (even under a different name) just for this. It’s the only time I use it really. And it’s been and absolute GODSEND