Mother's Day

[ladymelbourne1926]

I can't say any of this in real life so I'll say it here if it's ok? I'm here under a name change.
It's been almost 4 years since we had any contact from my dds bm. My youngest has no idea I'm not her bm, she possibly never will (FAS).
I'm not surprised, we haven't heard sadly.
But I miss her, we were friends once, she used to do this thing with my awful 90s permed hair that made it look almost good, we went to school together, she was once the funniest person I knew.
My eldest has changed her name, she has heard every good story I have to tell and now doesn't ask to hear them. She sounds like me, she calls me ma, she's at uni now and doing amazingly well. She even has a boyfriend. I am beyond proud of her. From the scared girl who couldn't even pee without me sitting next to her, she arrives home today in her car, happy, healthy and so excited to give me the tickets she has bought me for Mother's Day.
My youngest was placed in my care the day she was born, in accordance with her bm s wishes.
My dd worships the ground her brothers walk on, always trying to catch up with ds2. She made me a sort of dragon picture, today it's amazing, she is fearless and never holds back. When she's screaming with pain from the seizures, only a certain rhythm tapped on her skin will calm her.
I wish things could be different, though of course not exactly, basically I wish I just knew my friend was somehow ok. But wont ever know in all likelihood. I'm so angry but also so grateful and so sad. Which of course my dds will never see. My feelings are not for them, hence writing here. I can only hope she is alive and has some peace.

Just wanted to say how tough this sounds. ‘Not knowing’ can be so hard as our imaginations fill in the blanks, often with the worst case scenario.

You sound like such a wonderful devoted mother to your girls and have honoured their birth mum beautifully to them. I wish I had some pearls of wisdom to offer. It’s heart breaking when lives don’t turn out as expected and it sounds like you’re also grieving the loss of someone who has been a great friend to you as well as being the bm of your kids xx

Thanks for replying. You're right the not knowing is the worst but I guess knowing wouldn't actually make much difference. It just hits me sometimes.

I am sure yor dds birth mum is at peace knowing you are taking such wonderful care of her precious girls. Good on you for a job so well done. My adopted child has complex needs and epilepsy and we still maintain contact once a year. His birth parents love him dearly but are unable to care for him for many reasons but they are happy knowing he is getting the care he needs elsewhere . I am sure your friend feels the same. Some lives are heartbreakingly sad unfortunately . I hope one day you get some news to put your mind at ease lady as you are an anazing mum by the sounds of it. Best wishes x