Adoption after failed Ivf

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Hi there, we are currently looking at adoption after a number of failed Ivf attempts. I wondered if anyone else might be in the same boat and want supper/to chat etc as we go through the process? Excited but nervous! X

Good luck.

Thanks @Italiangreyhound - how are you? I remember seeing you on a few other chats? X

We are good. It is approaching four years since our son joined our family. Hard to believe! Time really has flown.

Wow that is so good / how have you found it all? Do you think you feel like a 'normal ' family?

We are a normal family. And at times when I don't feel like a normal family it is because at times dd (not adopted) could be a handful. I think families are all pretty normal, just diverse.

Good luck, OP. My husband and I decided not to have fertility treatment after being told we could not conceive without it and began our adoption journey in 2013. Fast forward nearly five years and we have a four year old and an eight month old. I never go to the loo alone unless I am at work, I never have a bath alone because someone finds me and gets in. My non-work outfits are built for comfort rather than glamour and I cannot eat or drink anything without someone trying to grab it off my plate. As far as I can see we are a completely normal family! Hope it goes well.

Ha ha! Sounds perfect @Barbadosgirl I am so pleased all has worked out for you x

Hi. We went thru ivf after not conceiving natrually after our birth daughter. Spent a fortune and a hell of a lot of stress and heartache on it. That was 4 years ago. Started the adoption process in 2015 and last year we got our gorgeous baby boy. We love him so much and so does our birth daughter. I think it was meant to be. If our ivf had worked we wouldn’t of had our beautiful boy. We feel a very ‘normal’ family, whatever normal is?!😉. He has finally completed us. Good luck with everything.we waited a long time, but all totally worth it. Xx

Hi @Zesty213 that's such a lovely story and so glad you have your little family. Can I ask how your friends and family were about it all? I feel like our friends just look at us with pity that we can't have our own children and don't want them to treat us any differently x

Everyone we know has been so positive and good about it , they think it’s just brilliant. If they think any different, they certainly haven’t told us about it or made it obvious. A couple of friends have said, I take my hat off to you, I couldn’t of done it, but they have still been supportive. But we’re all different aren’t we. Some things I wouldn’t do, what other people have. I don’t feel people have taken pity on us , they just think it’s a wonderful thing to do and are genuinely really happy for us.

Also, they are ours. Our own children. My eldest son cannot go to sleep unless he is stroking my arm. His face lights up when we pick him up from nursery. My little one gurgles and kicks his legs when I come in from work. If my friends tried to suggest they weren't ours they wouldn't be our friends!

I am so glad that friends have been supportive @Zesty213 - it must have made all of the difference.

@Barbadosgirl sounds so cute that the children are like that - absolutely adorable. Can I ask did you adopt two children together at the same time? X

Op, no. Big boy came home nearly 4 years ago, he was 9 1/2 months. Adoption finalised five months later. Baby came home 3 1/2 months ago at 4 1/2 months. Still waiting for a court date. They are not birth sibs but there are so many similarities. They even look alike!

Wow that is great @Barbadosgirl - sounds like it all worked out so well for you guys. I can't wait to feel like that. Had you considered taking s sibling group to begin with? How did you find the wait between them coming to you and actually them being adopted? I am assuming this wasn't through an early permanence scheme? X

Never considered a group! Might work for some people but there is also a school of of thought that one at a time is better with adoption.

First time we made the official app in August, went to panel the following April, went to a profile event two weeks later where we saw our big boy's profile, linked the following month, matching panel in July, home in August. Total time one year.

Second time official app in May, told about baby in July, joint approval and matching panel in October, baby home November. Total time six months.

We didn't do an early permanence scheme but we are dual heritage (black/white couple) and there are a disproportionate number of BME children in care compared to BME adopters.

So we may not necessarily be representative!

Thanks @Barbadosgirl so was all really quick for you. Is all really good to know - I am sure we will be bombarded by information over the next few months! X

Can I ask a question re finances and what the local authority want to see? When in the process do they ask t see it? X

12 years in here after failed ivf. We were approved for a sibling group 6 months after starting the adoption process. Found our boys at the same time as approval panel. Met our children aged 5,6 & 7 two months later and they moved in after 10 days! It all just fell into place and we have been extremely lucky.

They are now 3 tall, gorgeous young men of 17, 18 and 19. All working, happy and well attached. Barely a worry in all that time (which is why I rarely post on adoption matters, I have no experience of the trauma etc that lots of adoptive children/families go through).

We are a normal family. Well, as normal as anyone else. Most friends know our boys are adopted but those that don't often comment how much like me or their dad they are. It always makes us smile (boys also).

Just normal here...