Aibu to expect.....

[OurMiracle1106]

To be told if my birth sons post adoption social worker leaves?

Sons post birth adoption social worker has left. I found this out as I emailed to confirm contact details for myself as contact is close to being due.

I’ve not been told who the person taking over is or that he was even leaving and then they wonder why contact breaks down?

Sorry I’m ranting. It’s just very frustrating for me. And I hope That me sharing my journey through contact as a birth parent allows others to see how difficult it is and why it does break down.

I can honestly say 3/4 years ago I would have found it immensely difficult to assert myself. I am fortunate that I don’t have learning difficulties or specialist needs so can communicate but for those birth parents who struggle with this I can imagine why contact stops.

Your not being unreasonable. I feel once it gets closer to court and the fall out after communication breakdown. (I am a birth mum)

My sons adoption order was granted 3.5 years ago and it’s been a constant battle. It’s almost like they want me to stop bothering, and then it’s my fault I didn’t maintain contact.

Ours just has a SW to sort out all letterbox contact so I literally have to ring up and ask for the "letter box co ordinator". Haven't had any proper contact with SW's since the AO was granted. Just left to muddle through as best I can.

I am an adopter.

We don't have a post adoption SW. our last baby's adoption was finalized within the last 3 months....we have no-one to call if we need anything. In 4 adoptions we've not had contact with SW afterwards - apart from sending the letterbox...

the letterbox coordinator did tell me when I rang recently 'oh just so you know I'm leaving soon...X will be the new letterbox coordinator for your area'....I'm not sure if I had rang if a generic email would have been sent out or not...they usually tell us stuff like that on a newsletter to be fair.

the letterbox coordinator does not know my children, us, or BP. we are all just names on paperwork.

so I do think its perhaps unusual that you know who your child's post adoption SW is...

My sons post adoption social worker took over earlier than planned as his adoption social worker went on maternity so they do know me very well as they did life story work with me. I have also always been told to email said social worker direct in regards to contact etc so that’s what I have been doing. I also know that my sons parents email their letter over so I’m hoping they don’t just get a bounce back too.

In an ideal world, no, yabu.

However, my experience is that with SS you need to lower your expectations. Then lower them down another notch. I think it's been a while since your son was adopted? As Boston says, the fact he has a social worker allocated at all is unusual, my DC are now forgotten about by SS. We have the letterbox coordinator, who I'm sure will change soon, because our LA is failing, and the churn of staff is fast and furious!

SS will not at all have thought to let you know, no. It's not malicious, it's that they're underfunded, over stretched, and in some LAs (ours) CBA have a poor culture. It's not that they want contact to stop, they just don't have the spare resources to sort this stuff so contact doesn't stop, and no, it's not surprising BPs give up.