Older siblings

[CharlieSays13]

We're very close to going to panel but already our SW has identified a possible match for us. They meet so much of what we were hoping for in so many ways. We have some time before we have to make a firm decision but to be honest we're pretty sure that we feel committed to them. The one thing that we're still debating to ourselves is their age. We have accepted that we would never have a baby but still had hopes of a toddler. The youngest sibling is a little past the toddler stage. I guess I'd love to hear from other adopters whose children are a little older. Did you regret missing out on the pushchair stage?

My little one was just over 3 at placement. If that’s a similar age, happy to PM

Mine two were 4 and 6 when placed, again happy to PM is their ages are relevant.

Mine were 6, 4 and 3 when placed.
I feel pangs of sadness that they're growing up so fast and that we haven't had more time with them, but that's more about just enjoying their company and them as people and feeling panicked about how fast time seems to go now, rather than them being older coming to us. So for us, it hasn't been a problem.

Mine were 2.5 and 8 when placed.

I had said one to be at least 6 months pre school, as it was I actually got 2.5 years which I really enjoyed. In a lot of ways dd2 was a big baby when placed (bottles, nappies, single words). Although I really enjoyed that time, but I wouldn't have wanted e.g. an 18 month old.

I do feel I bonded with DD2 much more easily than DD1. I think in some ways that if DD2 had been older and less needy, it would have made bonding with DD1 easier. But DD1 was really quite old.

For us though other factors were more important than the exact ages.

Also, children in care tend to be 'younger' so you may find yourself doing stuff with a 4yo that maybe others do with a 3yo. Oh, by the way we didn't completely abandon the pushchair until DD2 was 4.5.

Thanks guys, really appreciate your thoughts. I expect the kids to need parenting a little younger than their actual years which could work very well for us.

Hi Charlie, I am trying to adopt two children who are 6 and 7. I have had the same concerns as you but just know they are the right match, so am prepared to miss out on those early years to get the right children for me.

Ours were 4, 6 and 8 and its been amazing. And you do get to bond with them at a younger age. Our oldest wanted to have her evening milk in a bottle snuggled up in a blanket for a short time. It really helped us bond and very quickly she wanted it in a cup as it was a bit too hard to get the milk out! I still do peek a boo with my youngest and he's nearly 6.
We had thought we wanted 2 boys of toddler age, but were asked if we would consider three - 2 girls and a boy and we never looked back.

Lots of love to you all

Thanks for your thoughts folks.
Twinky, your post put a big smile on my face.
Baylis, good luck.