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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Actitivites/clubs

11 replies

YeehaaJessie · 23/02/2018 14:34

My DC is being bullied at school. The school are responding well so far and are very cognizant of his needs as an adopted child. When he was younger he did lots of afterchool clubs and weekend activities but over the years has lost interest and now does not do any activities or clubs. I am really keen that he has an opportunity to try and make a friend or have a social life outside of school partly to help build his resilience and self esteem and also so he has something fun to do. He is very resistant to doing anything I suggest and won't even try something; I think he has just lost confidence.

Does anyone have any suggestions for what he could do or have faced a similar issue? He struggles with peer relationships so anything that can help with this as well would be good. He is 11.

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UnderTheNameOfSanders · 23/02/2018 17:06

Drama
Martial Arts
Scouts
Climbing
Cadets (when 12 or 13)
Archery
Keeping lizards

11 is an awkward age for clubs because people who have been doing them for a while can be quite good which is harder for a new starter.

YeehaaJessie · 23/02/2018 18:00

Thanks Sanders. He has tried and declined some of those but some new ideas there too.

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S0ph1a · 23/02/2018 19:16

Country parks usually have a “ young rangers “ group where kids can do outdoor activities

school holiday activities at sports centres

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 23/02/2018 19:31

Is he y6 or y7?

If y6 then set up an expectation now that he will join at least one club at secondary.

Ted27 · 23/02/2018 19:40

Woodcraft Folk groups are usually very inclusive.

Most of the children in our group have issues of some sort, including kids who find it difficult to make friends. Groups do differ as they are parent led, but as a whole grouos tend to be more accepting of quirky kids.

YeehaaJessie · 23/02/2018 21:28

Thanks for the suggestions. Woodcraft Folk sounds promising. Never heard of this before but just googled it and it looks like something he would be up for.

I'll check out the Country park rangers too.

sanders He's year 6. Good suggestion!

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iamnotstinky · 24/02/2018 10:03

OP, do you think it is worth helping your dc deal with the emotions arising from the bullying and their feelings about what has gone wrong with activities in the past, and building up confidence, before finding new activities to try? Also to find out what would really tick your child's boxes if they had all the confidence in your world, and slowly help your child in that direction?

Trying a new activity presents a whole new set of rules to learn and people to meet, which could create new anxieties?

Out of school activities are sometimes harder for children who have experienced trauma (if this applies to your ac?) because they are often less structured than school, the children behave differently, and this can be stressful for a child who is more easily knocked off their feet than the average.

If your child enjoys sports but finds the clubs hard at the moment, for example, you could say help the child improve their fitness and practice skills so that they can they fit in again more easily when they are ready. Once someone has sporting skills in any direction they find it easier to pick up new sports, just picking up on sander's point.

Another benefit of running as a way of building up general fitness, incidentally, is that it helps with emotional regulation, feel good hormones, confidence.

It depends on your child obviously, and their interests, and the reasons why they are wanting to back off.

ac73 · 24/02/2018 12:04

Maybe Junior Park Run if there is one near by? Then you could be with him? Or perhaps diving?

YeehaaJessie · 24/02/2018 16:32

The running suggestions are helpful; we have tried this doing it with him but he just seems to lose interest but hopefully once the weather improves he will be a bit easier to motivate. Good for us as well!

We are trying to help him with some of the feelings raised by the bullying and are awaiting a CAMHS appointment for other reasons also but you are right it is important not to forget that. I guess our hope is that doing an activity successfully will help him feel more confidant and good in himself but obviously many different approaches are needed.

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topcat2014 · 24/02/2018 18:18

Have you ruled out Scouts, OP?

I only say this for 2 reasons:

  1. I have just trained as a Beaver assistant (for adoption purposes etc)
  2. DD goes to Scouts, which starts at 10 1/2

The ethos is inclusivity - and the training to leaders is quite extensive. I had two full days just to be a lowly assistant!

YeehaaJessie · 25/02/2018 10:31

He did cubs for a while but dropped this. Might try scouts again though as it was a while ago.

God luck with the adoption journeytopcat

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