Just beginning our journey... Overwhelmed!

[AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson]

The title kind of says it all!

My husband and I have decided that we want to start a family and adoption is one of the routes we are seriously considering but there are so many websites and so much information that we just feel overwhelmed before we have even started.

We're considering domestic adoption only at this point in time and, as much as we would love a younger child, we know that foster to adopt isn't for us due to the nature of the scheme. This is something we talked about, but not 100% committed to over the last 6 months. I know we need to make that step toward commitment but even when looking through all the agency options we're just stumped. What if we pick the wrong one? How do we know? What is a good agency?

We're probably overthinking it (and need a ) but as this is a huge life changing decision I want to be sure I do it the right way so that we have a successful journey and make the best decisions for our potential child.

Do any of you lovely people have any suggestions as to where we should start?

I would stick a pin in the list of agencies and go and see 2 or 3 of them (they will have info evenings you can ask to attend) and then go with your gut about whether to pick one of those, or keep looking. When picking to start with, personally I would visit one local authority and one voluntary agency. You might choose your own local authority, or if you live in a small county or near a border, you might choose a neighbouring one. Very broadly, LAs will look to place the children needing families with "their own" approved adopters, before looking out to other agencies. VAs will sometimes specialise in particular ways. LAs are often now working in consortia, so being approved by one LA can then give you a reach into two or three other LAs automatically.

If you can, try to just focus on making one step at a time, rather than trying to get your head round the entire process

When you visit the agencies, listen out for: the kinds of children they are looking for families for, and the amount of detail they're able to give about their post-adoption support (so important).

I hope it all goes really well for you.

We are a few months on from you. Like any new 'thing' there will be lots of jargon - and people that seem to know more than you. Don't worry about that.

I compare it to selling and buying a house - try not to think too far ahead.

TBH we just contacted our council - didn't really know about these other 'agencies'.

Bear in mind it is only local authorities who actually have children in care.

Good luck - keep coming back to this board :)

Have you tried You county council

@AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson

Can I ask if you have fertility issues or not?

Good luck.

Thanks everyone! Such good advice and I feel extremely reassured. the house buying analogy is a great one - one step at a time!

@Italiangreyhound - several issues meaning we'd need to look into IVF as a minimum to have a biological child. It is something we've known and understood for several years and, to be honest, I don't know if I would want to put us through the intensive and often invasive medical procedures required to go down that route (especially as I have conditions that would be exacerbated by the medication that I would need to take in order to produce what was needed for IVF). That's even if my eggs were viable, which being highly unlikely would mean donor eggs. Carrying a child for 9 months has never been something that I ever needed to experience, so for me it kind of all adds up to adoption being the most obvious route at this stage in our life.

@AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson if you have explored IVF and decided no, for very valid reasons.

This will make the process easier (I think) than some who choose adoption as a first choice. It is not wrong either way but I think social services understand fertility issues.

Good luck. Feel free to ask anything. I have a birth child (via IUI) had donor egg IVF (unsuccessful) and then adopted.

Hope my question was not too nosy!