Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Flip

Original poster

My daughters ex boyfriend wants to adopt her daughter, he is not the biological father.

17 replies

Worriednanny73 · 02/02/2018 16:43

Hello everyone,
I am looking for advice on what options my daughter has when it comes to her ex boyfriend who wants to adopt her 3 yr old daughter? she doesn't want to go all out and allow him to adopt her because he never wanted to when they were in a relationship, it only seems to be since he has picked up with a new girlfriend. The child's biological father is not on the birth certificate and has never wanted to be involved in her life nor has he ever paid anything towards her upbringing. My daughter would like to be able to give her ex some legal rights over her daughter as he has been there since her birth and still has regular contact with her. He is a nice man but he can be sly at times which causes us to wonder why he wants to adopt all of a sudden. Does anyone have any advice on what legal rights my daughter can allow but without adoption involved.

Thanks in advance

Worriednanny73

(Posted edited by MNHQ)

OP posts:

NickMyLipple · 02/02/2018 16:45

What a strange situation! I would categorically not be allowing the adoption of my child by a man I am no longer with - what a strange request!

If she just remains civil and he continues to see her, what is the problem?

What 'legal' rights does he want over a child that isn't his?

MazDazzle · 02/02/2018 16:49

Have you used the child’s real name in your opening post? If so, maybe you should ask MNHQ to get it changed?

flapjackfairy · 02/02/2018 17:08

I agree . No way would i allow him to adopt my child. He has no legal rights and i would keep it that way .

Original poster

Worriednanny73 · 02/02/2018 17:09

I completely agree with you that it is a strange request. My daughter and the ex have a amicable friendship purely for my granddaughter sake. He has her stay over on a regular weekly basis, his concerns are that if my daughter were to move onto a future relationship then he wouldn't get to see my granddaughter. My daughter has stressed to him that she would never do that because he is the only 'father' her daughter has ever known and he is a good dad to her.

OP posts:

Original poster

Worriednanny73 · 02/02/2018 17:11

Yes I have, I didn't think it would matter as no surnames have been mentioned.

OP posts:

Ted27 · 02/02/2018 18:42

It isnt entirely your daughter's decision though . Adoption involves social services assessments and I really can't see them approving adoption by a non resident ex partner.

2old2beamum · 02/02/2018 19:24

I do know someone who brought up his girlfriends son and they went on to have a son together, she cleared off and he got custody of both boys, mind you he was a fantastic father.

Ted27 · 02/02/2018 19:38

different situation though, and if its not what mum really wants and I would think SWs would pick up on that

Italiangreyhound · 02/02/2018 20:20

No. If I were the mum I wouldn't allow it.

Why give an rd partner rights he doesn't have already.

He may be nice but he is not her dad nor your daughter's partner.

Italiangreyhound · 02/02/2018 20:22

Ex not rd

BarbarianMum · 02/02/2018 21:44

Definitely not. If he's still a big part of her life in 10 years time, then maybe.

Thebluedog · 02/02/2018 21:54

So he still has access to your daughters dd as he was involved from birth?

Rather than adoption, she could look into giving him parental responsibility rather than adopt her. Adoption is a long and drawn out process and will involve SS, it will give him the same rights as your daughter has.

Parental responsibility might be a good compromise and make him feel slightly more secure in his relationship with her.

To me it’s all about what’s best for the child. Would adoption or PR make HER feel more secure?

Does he also realise that he’d have to pay child maintenance if he adopted or had PR for her? Might change his outlook somewhat.

Another thing for him to think about is, that even if she did decide to move away after he’d adopted or have PR for your GD, he may not have any say in it. He could go to court to try and stop her, but unless he could prove it was detrimental to the child it’s unlikely the judge would order her to stay. A friend of mine tried to stop his ex taking their children to another school and county but his appeal was refused.

Italiangreyhound · 02/02/2018 22:11

What benefit if there in this for your daughter? @Worriednanny73

ALLIS0N · 02/02/2018 23:09

This seems to be all about her ex’s wishes and not about the best interest of the child. Your daughter should keep things just the way they are. He doesn’t need any legal rights to go on being part of the child’s life.

Was her ex very controlling ? I wonder why is she is so keen to give him rights over her own child when she doesn’t trust him .

whereisteddy · 03/02/2018 22:27

I think it is lovely that they have such a good relationship but I certainly would not be agreeing to him adopting her. There is no reason however why he could not be a point of contact for school or, in the event of something happening to your daughter he could be appointed the legal guardian in her will? Is it that kind of security she wants?

Italiangreyhound · 03/02/2018 23:56

@Worriednanny73 is any of this coming from your dd or is it all from the ex?

If she were to die (sorry it is horrible to think of but as parents we must) who would she want to bring up her child? If it is anyone other than her ex, I'd definitely say no to adoption.

I can't see any benefits to her.

strathmorewater · 23/02/2018 13:57

Your daughter could go for a contact order which is arranging contact with her ex. Seems strange for him to want to fully adopt her when they aren't together. Mind you I'm a step parent and if my parter and I split up I could continue to see my SS.

Flip