First SW visit !

[Shannonlynn]

Hi all,

We have our first SW visit to our home this week and I am beyond excited, yet incredibly nervous.

They are very interested in us following an hour and a half long phone conversation a few weeks ago. I am really worried, as first impressions are worth a lot, does anybody have any ideas?

I have cleared my pile of clothes which were in the spare room, they are not stored there, but rather when clothes are worn but not dirty, that is where they end up before I ware them again. The spare room has a bunk bed in currently as we occasionally have students stay with us. Other than a mirror and a TV which needs to be moved eventually to my step daughters room, and the mix of birthday presents brought in advance under the bed, it’s empty. Is this okay?

I’m assuming she will take a look around the whole house, although it will be dark and she won’t see the fairly big garden we have?

We have tiled floor throughout downstairs, I’m wondering if this will be okay or not? I guess I will soon find out. It would be easy to put a big rug down in the living room for a child, but the tiled floor in the dining area and kitchen are useful as dropped floor is easily cleaned. That was our logic when we made the decision to have it, otherwise it would have been carpet in the dining area.

I’m thinking I will get some really nice biscuits in for her to nibble on while she talks to us and light a candle to make the house smell inviting? (Something that happens every evening anyway, other than the biscuits)

We have a little Jack Russel and although he will bark as she knocks on the door, as soon as she’s inside and sees we let her into our home he will quiet down, albeit want a little pat on his head before he then sits down. I have heard horror stories over dogs.

I am so nervous, I have some questions, but should we let her lead and ask questions to start with? We are really hoping that we click, it would be nice to work so closely to someone we like. She is the women that will be helping us have a family after all.

Do you think she will want pay slips to hand etc? There is so much going on in my little mind right now. What did you do on your initial home visit? Is there anything I need to be wary of? I have nothing to hide, and I’ve seen on here to treat it a little like a job interview, and that’s fine but I need to losen a little bit if I’m to relax enough to make a good impression.

Thank you.

Do not worry! Even though I did exactly the same as you, on the first visit they will only be going over the basics.
Ours had a very quick look around the house. At that point our 'child's bedroom' was my office/where my OH kept all his clothes/where the sofa bed was. This wasn't an issue. They just need to see you have a spare room for a child.
I tidied and cleaned for the first 2-3 visits, but we then had a loft conversion done, so the dirt and dust that created meant cleaning was out the window!

Finances they didn't check at the first visit, I think they may have asked what we earned (but can't remember if they did now) so don't worry about having bank statements etc. They did ask what debt we had so it would be worth knowing that.
Re; the garden, there will be plenty of time to look at that! I don't think ours was really looked at until we did the safety checks, which was well into stage 1, and even then it was a quick look.
We have two dogs, a chocolate Lab and a terrier-mix, and the later will bark when the door is knocked but after 5 mins will settle. Our SW didn't feel they needed any additional assessments for aggression, and even joked that they were 'really aggressive' when they were laying on the sofa/floor asleep!

I know it's hard to say to not worry too much, but they will just be going over the basics.
The only things 'flagged' for us was my OH debt (but it's then never been mentioned again) and my lack of childcare experience. The debt is something we can pay off in one go IF we had to, but it's very manageable (which you will cover later on when you do your finance income/expenditure) and I have been getting more childcare experience with the local school and also with friends children.
Oh, and the SW who did our first visit wasn't the one we had throughout the process, which I'm glad about as ours is fab!
We go to approval panel in 10 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you so much for your reply and congratulations for getting this far! 10 days until you WILL be approved ! Positive thinking wins them all! Then the searching begins... 😍

I’m sorry that you had a few red flags from the get go, I’m prepared that we will do too.

We have a wealth of experience, but we feel the ex wife will be a big problem, but more so from a kids well-being not stopping our process kind of a way and we have debt.

We have debt which is left from our deposit on our first Home and fertility treatment, which we are paying well. This is more than manageable with my income but without it, it’s not ideal. However, I can pay this all off by about March 19, ready for AC to come home. We also overpay our mortgage in the hope to have a break when they get home. If needed I will ensure that it’s paid by the end of the year if that’s what it takes. We are incredibly sensible with our money and I budget everything, I’m an accountant by trade so it’s in my nature to take good care of our financial affairs. I really hope that they can see this. :/

Thanks! I keep trying to be positive, but it's such a big deal I'm super nervous!

My OH's debt will be paid off in 2020, and I could pay it off now but then it would eat into my savings. Even with his debt we have over £1,300 a month disposable income, which we would rather have to do things with/save for our child (after popping into Mamas and Papas everything is soooo expensive!). But like I said, after the first ever visit we had it was never mentioned again, not even last week when we did our 'panel prep'! I think as long as you show you can manage it, that you are in control of your finances, you'll be fine. Also, the fact you have thought ahead, are planning for when you aren't working etc will go in your favour.

They are 'aware' that ex's can be a bit....flexible with the truth sometimes (!), so don't panic too much. Just be honest about everything as they would have to contact her if they had kids together.

I've just always been honest, about everything, and talk so much our SW has to remind me to let me OH speak when we do go to panel!

Hey there,

I posted the exact same thing a could of weeks ago! I was literally shaking with nerves the day before and throughout the visit!

Thought it might be helpful to explain what our visit looked like, alongside this it’s worth bearing in mind that it seems to vary wildly across the UK with no set procedure.

So here goes...

We made tea and coffee and put some biscuits and fruit out. They asked lots of questions about us, a lot focussed on our support networks. We talked through what lead us to adoption. Our health, life style, plans for adoption leave and returning to work, brief talk about finances and debt (we’d done an income and expenses spread sheet but they didn’t ask to see it) whether we’ve ever lived or worked abroad. Who is in our family and asked for details about our families...names, ages, what our relationship is like with them, where they live (including extended family which surprised me but maybe that’s because we’re not particularly close to our extended families. Also asked about childcare experience. I have 20 yesrs experience working with kids and families. They seemed to be less interested in this and focussed more on asking for examples of our experience with kids in our personal life and of supervising the more ‘routine’ times...bedtimes, meal times, bath etc

We showed them around the house. They didn’t look around the garden but commented it was a good size and didn’t check it was secure saying they knew it would be as we have a dog (suspect it was more to do with the fact it was rainy and muddy!) The visit was around 2 1/2 hrs.

Our red flags were also debt and a period of depression I had 5 years ago.

They had to write a report to be signed off by their manager before they could send us out the ROI forms which were sent on Thursday. 12 days after the visit (but the SW only works part time) I’ve heard in some areas they give you the forms there and then so I panicked a bit that there was a problem when they didn’t. This seems to vary though so wasn’t a reflection on us.

Hope that helps! Good luck! Come back and update us about how it went

Thank you so much IggyFlop for sharing your experience of your first visit with me, it’s incredibly helpful.

I am really concerned about our debt, as it’s not a small amount. However, we have a million and one other good things to offer. I have thought about selling things to get rid of it, but I need my car, (7 seater Land Rover for child) I need my furniture to make my house a home, everything we have is used. I have raised my potential financial barrier with my dearest mom who has offered to help us decrease our debts in order to achieve our family but I don’t want to have to do this. I am unfortunately not a taker, I can pay it on my own and fairly easily, so I want to. I ideally want it gone before adoption leave though, granted.

Anyway, I could yap on forever about things... I’m going to get some nice cookies in and make sure I have a selection of drinks. I just need to calm down a little bit, although I know it’s only right to feel nervous.

I will update come the end of the week.

Thank you 💗

Hi all,

Just wanted to give an update on how our first meeting went. We had a lovely lady who doesn’t live to far away come out and see us. She stayed for about 3 hours, and said she would definitely be writing this up and advising her manager that we would be suitable to move forward. First assessment passed! Yay! She is sending us the application form by the end of next week. She was really impressed with the amount we knew and the fact I’d read building the bonds of attachment already etc etc. She said that being proactive was a really positive thing and would definitely speed up the process if we wanted that. :)

Our dog was good, he barked and she stroked him, before he then lay down with us on the couch sleeping. She said he would need to be assessed but there wouldn’t be an issue.

She talked about loads and we were open and honest about our lives, my big thing was financial, she said they would need to see bank statements and have proof of mortgages pensions etc but the debt amount wasn’t a problem, besides it’s good debt and we do not use borrowing of a means to fund our life.

She liked the house, no massive issues, it can be made child friendly (sharp corners of tables etc) easily fixed !

She was happy with our plans for rooms, and did not rule out siblings of the same sex sharing a room, which was great. :)

It was all incredibly positive, almost too positive, so I won’t get my hopes massively high for a relatively easy ride, I know that there will be bumps in the road, but we have nothing to hide so fingers crossed :)

I asked her at the end, what are our red flags? She said that there wasn’t any. We have a potential venerability which are the fact that we have 4 of my husbands children to think about, as they take into account their well-being too, which I wouldn’t expect any less.

I have never been so scared and excited for the year ahead of us. Eeeek!

We’re Adopting - and I’m so happy ! 💗🤞🏽