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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


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8 replies

teekay88 · 17/01/2018 08:14

Hi all

Sorry for long post...

As you may seen in my other posts me and my partner are doing "groundwork" on a couple of things like childcare experience and him quitting smoking (officially through gp so evidence) before we hope to make a formal application around june.

I feel a bit as though im stuck between a rock and a hard place. Ive been extremely unhappy in the job I've been in since last april. Before that i was with the same company for 8 yrs solid and employment history is consistent n stable without any gaps. Ive experienced and managed a lor of work stress in previous roles. However this is the first time ive been so depserately stressed and unhappy in a job that within a few months of starting i knew it wasn't for me.

The reason im very unhappy is that the atnosphere is awful - the team i work in have had a very chequered history with lots of unhealthy team dynamics and it is such a negative space to work in that its really affecting me outside of work. Im also under a huge amount of pressure workload wise without good management support. Added to that the commuting in and out of london is wearing me down.

Firstly for my own sanity and secondly because i want to be in a much better position to be available and flexible around my child's needs when we adopt i decided in oct before Christmas that i needed to find a local lower stress role that hopefully has an element of flexibility - ie flexi time, part time etc. The main thing is i obviously want to get stress levels down, have better work life balance n be able to be around for my child taking time out of work all together if necessary.

Ive had a few interviews but because of time of year and the fact im now looking outside of london there arent a lot of perm roles coming up (altho I have contacted a few agencies). In the meantime i am really unhappy and struggling to visualise how ill manage to carry on there if i cant find something else soon.

Our financial position is fairly good. We both earn decent money and we have savings in the bank which would mean we would be ok for a few months if i took a break from work. Ive decided something has to happen to change things and am contemplating having a set date in abour a montha time whereby uf i havent found anything i will then hand notice in and start temp work whilst i look for longer term work. I expext ill have a lot more energy to put myself into apps and get arouns for interviews (my current role swverelt restricts when im available for interview), and ill be in a much better space.

My constant worry is that anything i choose to do is going to adversely affect adoption plans and app in june. It may be that from reading forums i am getting overly paranoid but from what i read SWs see sny change in life as needing a break before going to apply. Im worried that despite the fact a local job change would be a really positive move and that financially we would be fine without my salary that on assessment they will view it as a reason to delay the app as they will see it as a change that we need to "settle into" as im guessinh will only be in job couple ms by that stage.

When ive called first4adoption before they've v much made it sound like wouldnt be an issue as its more about finwncisl stability but things i read on here make me feel in vreality it could be a problem n we'll get told to "come bk later". We've calreasy waited so long for this n are putting so much effort into preparation that im afraid ill be causing vus yet another delay.

So in your real life experience with process have any of you had similsr scenarios? Was a recent change of job before app seen as a reason to delay app? What are ths important things theyll focus on?

Sorry realise i prob sound a bit mad but not many ppl IRL to check out my concerns with. Really appreciate your input xxx

OP posts:
JustHappy3 · 17/01/2018 09:21

First of all Flowers - it sounds tough.
Will write more later this morning.

Jellycatspyjamas · 17/01/2018 10:47

I had a similar situation re work and did exactly what you describe. I wrote a date in my diary that I would resign on regardless of whether I had a job or not and decided to do agency work until I found something. I also really focussed on my job search. As it turned out I found a fabulous job, well suited to family life and with flexible work options and resigned the week before the date I'd written in my diary.

We were in the midst of our assessment and the change was viewed very positively by SW and didn't affect the progress of the assessment. Other things did delay our application but a change from a demanding stressful job to a much more family friendly was viewed as evidence of our commitment to future children.

Iggyflop · 17/01/2018 19:53

We asked this at our initial visit last week as DH wants to find something more family friendly as he would be the one to cut his hours down etc. We’d been wary for the same reason as you...didn’t think they’d want any big changes...but they seemed surprised that we’d asked and said it would be fine.

goldplatedbuddah · 17/01/2018 20:11

I changed to a more family friendly job in the middle of stage 2, it was commented on positively in our PAR, that I was putting the child's needs first, and willing to be flexible to be more family friendly.

Just frame it positively.

Ted27 · 17/01/2018 20:16

I switched job in the middle of home study. It resulted in a delay of about 4 months, but only because I didnt want to turn up on my first day and tell then to expect reference request.

There was no problem with me moving because it was a huge hike in salary and vastly superior adoption leave and pay. No brainer.
You have very sound reasons to make a change, can't see why it would be a problem
good luck

Italiangreyhound · 17/01/2018 23:44

I totally agree with @Jellycatspyjamas

You need to be in the job for a period of time before being eligible for adoption leave but unless things move very quickly you will be I am sure.

I really think this job sounds awful for you, so best to go for something better for you and your family situation.

JustHappy3 · 18/01/2018 12:50

Sorry - i don't know where yesterday went.
Just to say even without my adoption hat on myadvice would be to get out of that job asap. Life is too short to be miserable.
And then echo everyone else that making changes to make life better and more familyfocused is a good thing.

teekay88 · 19/01/2018 07:05

Hi everyone thank you so much for all the support and advice. I think that i need to make this change in order to be able to be the type of parent i want to be. I know enough already to know this wouldnt be sustainable long term and certainly not when i need to be available for training days appts etc. Im trying to make changes now to secure the future. I am planning on giving on resignation next week. I have 8ws notice which gives me a good amount of time to find something with the added bonus that i will no longer have to be sneaky about going for interviews etc if i need to. Im putting serious consideration into either a part time or ftc which will provide me with some flexibility n head space for the process and possibly even temping for a while. I know that there is the issue of eligibility for adoption pay
My partner will still be eligible for this and as i say we do have savings (which we will continue to add to) so financially i think we can make it work and hopefully allay some any of the sw's concerns about money that may come up. Also given that it seems a year is the timeframe theyd like a parent not to be working for i should be in a more flexible position. We'll see. I think u was expecting everyone to tell me that this would delay everything for us but im glad to know this can be presented as a positive move evidencing our commitment to future child (which it is). Thanks again xxx

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