Contacting ex partner

[Bumblebees16]

Hi everyone

This is my first thread on here.

Right at the beginning of the process.
Been reading up loads and have seen that they want to contact your ex partners.
I completely understand why but neither of us are comfortable with them contacting our last ex's for different reasons.

1. Do they track them down? We obviously haven't got any contact details for them and don't know where they are!

1. Does it have to be them? Can we give them details of different ex's?

Our last ones are just awful will probably lie and we do not want them knowing our business at all. We come from a town where everyone knows everyone's business and we actually moved out of it to get away from it all.

Thanks for any help/tips.
It would be awful for such a thing to be our reason for reconsidering going through with this as we would be great parents.

I was told initially they'd have to contact my ex (together for 7 years, lived together for 5, no children). I had no issue with him, but his fiancee works in the same industry as me so there was a bit of a conflict as she essentially is a competitor, but I said if they really needed to it was fine. In the end I was told the 'rules had changed' so they didn't need to contact him. I do wonder if they just wanted to see my reaction to them saying they had to contact him, as a lot of this process is that you're willing to do everything they ask!
From what I know, they generally only need to contact ex's if you have children together, or if they had children.
SW's are also very clued up about ex's purposely being mean or lying, so don't worry too much about this.
All I can say is be completely honest, tell them your reasons why you don't want them contacted.

Thank you howmanyusernames,
How long ago did you go through the process if you don't mind me asking?

We're are the end of stage 2 now, going to panel on the 7th Feb!

Oh great! I wanted to hear that they hadn't contacted an ex from someone that was going through it more recently than 7 years ago!
How exciting, Good luck!

Yeah, although only a few months ago our SW did initially say they'd have to contact him, but as I said, then said the rules had changed. Not sure if it's just their rules or everyone's?
Thanks!

We were told they would only contact partners you had lived or had children with. This didn’t apply to us thankfully