Early days and can’t shake the feeling I’ve made a mistake

[BewilderedBeaver]

My husband is happy, BD is happy, AD is settling well but I just can’t seem to switch off this anxious nagging doubt that I’ve made a mistake. Please tell me others felt the same and it got better...please 😢

We could not have survived on one salary (well we could but it would be basic and for me things like a holiday a year are important!) I work part-time and collect my son most days (unless he gas a play date). My dd only managed one day a week in after school club.

It does bear thinking about during matching what the child can handle in terms of additional care. My son would really struggle with after school care. Some kids do not. My son is a summer baby so very young on the year.

Anyway, thinking all this through before hand will help to prepare you Morley.

Thank you both so much for taking the time to reply, I really appreciate your advice

Jelly - my main reason about coming back to work has always been one of necessity being on my own. But I actually agree with you, haven't really thought about it before, but yes I do still WANT to work too. You have almost made me have a really obvious lightbulb moment!

Yes I never dreamed I wouldn't be a mother but, even if that had happened in the traditional way, I think I probably would have wanted to carry on working in some way. I think that would have been important to me to keep my work identity but I also think it would have been an example I would have wanted to set to children, that everyone works (please don't flame me anyone, I am not in anyway saying that that is what everyone should do, but its is just my thoughts).

Luckily, I am in a job where finances wouldn't be an issue in terms of paying for what childcare I would need.

Italian - thank you again for your thoughts - I agree, whilst I really want to be a mum, I'm not sure I want to be one on the breadline, I would want to be able to provide holidays etc.

The temptation in adoption can be to say you'll do whatever it takes, of course you'll be able to take a years leave, work part time or not at all if need be, never use childcare etc - literally sacrifice every part of who you are for the welfare of any kids placed with you. The reality is that some children do need that level of care and you need to be prepared for uncertainty around what any children might but if every adopted child needed to be with their parent full time, couldn't attend mainstream school, needed huge numbers of professional appointments etc no one would ever adopt.

It's important that in the midst of thinking about what you are able to sacrifice, you also know what you need to keep. So for me, professional identity is important, so is not being on the breadline, social life is also important and so is genuine time for myself so I needed to put things in place to protect that as best I could knowing that I'd need a good period of time wholly focussed on my kids where I wouldn't be able to work or be out too much.

It's possible to adopt and have a "normal" family life - the adjustment is hard going but I think that's always true however kids come.

Thanks Jelly, really , really helpful posts