(Birth Mother) decided to allow adoption to go ahead

[darkriver198868]

Hello,
I am a single mum with two children who suffers from severe mental health problems and both of my children are in care under a ICO. My children got taken into care last september as I struggled to cope and took an overdose. I love my children to the ends of the earth and have always put them first. Social Services are doing twin tracking i.e they either come home to me or they are adopted. I know deep down I cant care for two children not in the way they deserve so I have allowed the adoption to go ahead and withdrew my fight to have them back.

This isnt easy. Has anyone gone through this?

no its not easy. Its not for me to say whether you are making the right decision. But I think you are making a brave decision and want a good future for your children. It doesnt mean you don't love them.

My son's father relinquished him for similar reasons, and it was probably the only decision that could have been made.

I hope you have people supporting you and helping you come to terms with it.

I'm in a similar situation, I also think you've made such a brave decision and clearly you want the best for your children.
Big hug to you op, hope things work out for you

darkriver I've not been in your position OP, I am mum (by adoption) of a boy aged 7 and birth mum to a teenager. I have had OCD and also anxiety but not the mental heath issues you are facing. Just wanted to be open.

Your decision is definitely very brave. Only you really know what is going on in your life.

Please can I give you one small plea. Get the help you need.

You are important, you are special, both in and of yourself and also in relation to your children, even if they will be cared for and brought up by someone else.

Please, please get all the help you can, use this time, as hard as it may be, to ask for help and access it.

You should be offered letterbox and this will enable to you to keep in touch with the person/couple who adopt your children (assuming this all goes ahead as you suggest) once a year (we have letter box twice a year with photos).

Letterbox will enable you to know they are safe and well and to be able to tell them things about yourself and your life through the letters.

You are very vulnerable and I really hope you will find a reason to live, to find the joy in life where it may be found.

Maybe without the need to provide day to day care for your children you will be able to work out what is happening in your life and why you feel as you do. Hopefully, the decision to relinquish your children for their benefit is your own decision and I hope you have support in this.

My dd has had some mental health issues and often feels sad, depressed, we are working through this with help. I know this is different from your situation. But I am saying it because I love my dd so much and only want the best for her. I don't know if you have people in your life who can provide that love and care, possibly not at the moment. But one day you may have, so please do not give up hope.

Your children will grow up, and hopefully they will be able to understand more and will be able to understand your story and how life has been for you.

Anyway, I don't know if what I am saying is helping at all but there is always a reason to live. And having children means, even if you will not provide the day to day care of them, that you have an investment in the future and you have something to live for. Please, please get your help for you and find your way forward. You are of huge value, brave, and caring, (it is evident even from your few words), and you can work through this. XX

LailasMummyx for you too.

Not the same but I have relinquished a child for adoption due to my own circumstances.

I'm not going to put a rose tinted view on it because it was unbelievably difficult and painful.

I don't know whether your in England or not but I was given the chance to attend court and to have a goodbye contact with my little one and the chance to meet his forever mum, if you feel you can do those things they are hugely beneficial going forwards both to you and your little ones.

I'm happy to help if I can. Please be kind to yourself

Oh italian what a lovely heartfelt post if you dont mind me saying.
I am a foster carer and adoptor myself and dark i admire you so much for being able to prioritise your childrens welfare . That is incredibly rare in my experience and shows your great love for your children. It must be so heartbreaking for you and i really hope you can find peace and hope for the future .
Wishing you the v best . X

Thank you Flapjack.

Thank you, Flapjack.