First visit with child's social worker - help!

[PippleBang]

I am so happy but very stressed! We have a potential link with a LO, and the social worker is coming to visit us early next week. I have no idea what to expect!

We know that the SW is not pursuing other links, and will only do so if she (or we) feel that this link won't work for us. So we are not 'competing' with other adopters. She seemed to like our PAR.

Can anyone advise what to expect? I have a few questions to ask about birth mum, but LO is actually in very good health and meeting all milestones etc so I don't really have any questions about them in particular. I do know that they started introductions with another family that then fell apart (before they brought LO home) - I've been assured this is nothing to do with LO, but I'd still like to know more about what happened if I can.

The only thing we've been told is that the SW would want to see LO's room - this is fully furnished, neutrally decorated and has a cotbed and some stuffed toys in it, so it is ready to be "personalised" once we are matched. I did buy a wee top for LO at the weekend because I was shopping and couldn't resist, my instinct is telling me to put it away so we don't seem over-confident, but then my SW has told me that LO's SW will want to see that we are excited about the link! So I'm not sure about that one!

Hi. That's exciting! The thing to remember is that this is a job interview for the post of being this LO's parent. You aren't interviewing their SW.

Think about why you would be the right match, how you could meet their needs. I would also think about any weak points you have or anything that might concern the SW and prepare rough answers to address those.

Lastly, because although it's an interview, the SW wants to come away feeling warm and fuzzy, smile and coo over details of how LO is doing and look suitably nurturing.

I'm sure the thought of performing those gymnastics has stressed you out more, but in my experience this is the reality.

Good luck!

I'd want to know what LO understood about the intros that fell through - is s/he old enough to know what was happening? With small children they can be meeting milestones but still have significant needs - don't get drawn into the idea that a) the LO has an attachment to foster carers or b) any such attachment will in some way transfer to you - it doesn't happen that way. Look for indications that LO has the capacity to feel safe instead, e.g. how do they settle at night, when upset, when hurt - what do they look to fit comfort, can they self soothe. Those questions may be more appropriate for the foster carers but showing an interest in how the child is day to day is a good thing.

My two are older in adoption terms but I was told they had formed a secure attachment to foster carers, the SW then went on to describe behaviour than suggested anything but a secure attachment to anyone.

Good luck with your visit, I remember ours being way less scary than I thought it would be.

Family history, alcohol, drug abuse, mental health issues? what about dad as well as birth mum. Children are removed for a reason. Find out why.

Meeting milsetones doesnt mean much in the long term. Many childrens issue don't become apparent until they go to nursery/school

meant to add Good luck !

Good advice from others. It's tough, be confident bit don't be too cocky! What does your guy tell you about the baby top?

Good luck

Thanks all. The CPR is very thorough - there are mental health issues that I am very clued up on, and one or two potential health issues that could be hereditary that DH has experience with. LO is less than a year old so won't have really understood the introductions or them falling through (although I'm not saying it wouldn't have had any impact). Dad is unknown. Given the circumstances there is an assumption that he is actually from quite a privileged background (I know that's not to say he doesn't have any health issues but just that neither mum or dad fit the usual criteria of parents who would have a child removed).

No known drug or alcohol abuse. LO is said to be doing very well with FC (same placement since birth) but I will enquire a lot more about that. I know that meeting milestones at such a young age isn't really an indicator of anything, but I just mean that I know LO is meeting milestones so I don't have much to ask about that.

Just a quick update - it went really well! There was the child's SW, the family finder SW and our SW. They were here for about 2 hours, all seemed to go OK, and then the child's SW and family finder left and said they'd get back to us ASAP. Our SW stayed for 5 mins or so asking how we felt about it, we said we were really keen. After she left DH got changed into his work clothes and noticed the 3 of them were still outside, as he left to go to work they were coming back to the house and asked to come back in - they told us then and there that they really want to proceed and had been on the phone to the Foster Carer to arrange for her to visit us next week!

I am so excited!! They said it wasn't just that we were generally a good match for LO, but that there were so many "little thing" - like the name, some things I have in common with birth mum etc and they basically said that they imagine the life LO would have with us would be very similar to the life he would have with BM if her circumstances weren't so unfortunate.

They also said they really think BM would love us (we will be meeting her) and would want us to raise her child. It just all feels so right!

How wonderful! What a brilliant update, great news 😊

Oh how lovely, many congratulations.

That is great news OP, good luck withthe introduction. We have been assessed and approved so are waiting for the next step, so all good information on what may be coming down the line.

Lovely 😊

How have things progressed OP? Would love to read an update! X