Adopting with two birth children...

[Wonderabout1]

Just wondering if anyone has adopted with two young birth children and would you mind sharing your experiences?

We have two kids who would be probably 5 and 7 or 6 and 8 if we went ahead with adopting (assuming we were accepted). Having already experienced babyhood, we would be flexible with age to the extent that we could be with young children we already have.

I suppose my main concerns/questions are: as my bc already have a sibling, in your experience did the dynamics of adding another child into the mix work ok? I have a niggling feeling that we are being selfish because the children already have a sibling to grow up with so it's more about our wants than theirs...

As far as I know I could have another child biologically but for various reasons I don't want to, but would still like to extend the family. Would this be thought of as weird?

I have contacted a couple of agencies and they didn't seem to think existing bc would be a barrier but that it might take longer to match (which makes sense). Does this bear our in people's experiences?

Btw, i am aware that adoption is a different option to parenting and don't view it as a comparable alternative. My job often involved working with adopted or lac so I have a good understanding of different needs and experiences.

Thanks for any thoughts. We are planning on going to an open event before or after Christmas and I have found quite a lot of information on line about people who adopt after having one bc but less about adoptees who have more than one young bc.

I have adopted 3 times with a birth child. He was 3 at the time - just off out but what would you like to know and I’ll get back to you.

In terms of adding to the family I think it helped us that ours were all fairly young when joining the family but have had no issues. They love each other and hate each other like any siblings

Hi thanks for getting back to me. I guess overall I'm interested in experiences (did it all work out ok!!) Did you adopt a sibling group or one at a time and how old were they when they were adopted?

One if my concerns is that it would be hard for two children who already have an existing relationship to get used to a new sibling who isn't a baby, and vice versa - Are adopted children better off going to a family without existing siblings (I mean two or more existing children) so they don't have to try to find their place in existing relationships?

And also, bringing an additional child into the equation will bring difficulties and upheaval. In your experience, have the difficulties been worth it for all the children involved?!

Thanks

We adopted one at a time -originally we wanted to adopt twins but weren’t approved for it which in hindsight was best. We talked to our birth son about adoption and why some children didn’t have families who could look after them and so that was how we were going to add to our family. Children tend to be very matter of fact and to him it made no difference how his siblings came. He did at one point assume everyone adopted though and asked friends if they came from their mummy’s tummy or another ladies!! Obviously we then chatted some more 😂

As I said I’m earlier post ours were all young when they came to us. First was just 12 months and so I guess that did help with feeling like a natural addition of a baby. To be honest the kids bonded first and then she bonded with us. For us it really helped having a birth child because she watched him love us and trust us and she kind of followed his lead. When she first came she was terrified and would scream at night, on night 3 the screaming stopped and we discovered it was because our birth child had got into her cot with her and they both feel asleep no longer worried.

Yes for us it has been totally worth it - my children are all equally my children and they all love each other as siblings irrespective of blood bonds

For us it really helped having a birth child because she watched him love us and trust us and she kind of followed his lead.
This was exactly the same for us. Cannot say about existing sibling relationships though sorry.

I only have experience of one birth child, but a couple of points of yours I thought I could be helpful on:

I have a niggling feeling that we are being selfish because the children already have a sibling to grow up with so it's more about our wants than theirs... I think this is the best reason to have a third child, by birth or adoption- you selfishly really want the child.

As far as I know I could have another child biologically but for various reasons I don't want to, but would still like to extend the family. Would this be thought of as weird?* Yeah, it will. But as long as you're sure of your decision, and can explain why, then that's fine. But be prepared for SWs to insist on contraception. Even if you're lesbians. Even if you're single.

Thanks for your giving me good for thought, especially regarding the benefits that existing children in the home. Thinking about it I can imagine my children being very matter of fact about things, so that helped also.
Next step, a couple of open events!

Yes, we adopted with two young birth children!
Great advice from other posters already; ditto BC helping to model trust relationships and offering non threatening comfort to AC in early days- same here.
In terms of existing sibling relationships, my children were very young so willingly, or unwittingly, whichever way you want to put it, let another sibling in. My BC are opposite personalities which helped throughout the adoption process, as we really did already accept that siblings could/ would be wildly different. Turns out we were wrong, as AC1 is similar to BC1.
One of the questions we were asked along the way, which you might find useful to think about, ‘how would you prevent your AC feeling like ‘the odd one out’ or ‘outnumbered’ with two BC in the unit?
We ended up adopting AC’s sibling, so didn’t actually get to put our answer into practice.
Our AC is currently having an interesting time of school. Having two ( very secure) older siblings there is helping hugely, not only because school know us, and have already learnt to appreciate that our children are different from each other, but also because it takes pressure off having two BC. AC is taking it in turns to seek them out when they need help/ reassurance, and the BC are taking it in turns to look out for the sibling they know and accept is more vulnerable.
I’ve sent you a PM if you’d like to know any more.

Out of interest, and sorry to hijack the thread slightly, has anyone adopted their 3rd child and only had a 3 bedroom house?! Thanks :)

Yes, we only have a 3 bed house.

Sunshine hijack away! We have more than three bedrooms but I read somewhere that any adopted children would need their own rooms so if your bc already share then three bedrooms should be fine.

Thanks for the replies! We have 1 BC and 1 adopted and they share. It's funny as I know the reasoning so technically my existing AC would need their own room...but they chose to share from day 1 and would be sad if they had to stop!

It’s only each additional child that needs their own room. So as long as your 2 currently share then there is still a spare room.

We had number 4 with 3 beds.

We have 3 bc and are hoping to adopt #4. We have a 3 bed house so DH and I are planning to move our bedroom downstairs into the ‘toy room’ because SS have already said we would need a spare room for #4 x