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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

Step-parent Adoption

19 replies

Fairybella · 02/10/2017 20:24

HI
I'm in need of some help. Has anyone done this? IT looks like a mine field. Please tell me how it worked for you and your family?

All advise welcome

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairybella · 03/10/2017 19:00

Anyone

OP posts:
thomassmuggit · 04/10/2017 22:00

It's come up a few times, it is complicated, depending on your exact situation. With a living birth father, it can be difficult, and getting PR for a step dad can be easier. If you search, the old threads should come up.

Original poster
Fairybella · 05/10/2017 17:59

Thank you

I was wondering if it works for extenuating circumstances

OP posts:
allthebestkids06 · 05/10/2017 20:55

our nieces mother did this - father has no PR and is out of the picture.
Step dad married mum - had another baby, and dc really wanted to be adopted by 'dad'.

They contacted the local ss - they carried out a home - study, dc told sw their wishes, and it went before the court with no problems.

Father had never been on birth cert, never paid CSA etc....and although we are related to them via the father - we and all the family could not have been happier for them

child is now 16, mum has always kept in touch with us etc....and it worked out well for all.....

it doesn't have to be difficult - but does depend on birth fathers situation - can you expand on that?

Original poster
Fairybella · 06/10/2017 19:03

Birth father on birth certificate no contact since 2.5 years.
What else do u need to know?

OP posts:
allthebestkids06 · 08/10/2017 13:35

If birth father is on cert he has PR.
How long has it been since you lost contact?
Can you find him to ask permission?
If not social services will have to.
If the child wishes for this then that goes in your favour.
Good luck!

Original poster
Fairybella · 08/10/2017 18:03

I have asked him but sadly he is a bit of a prick and if now in prison.... he said no.

OP posts:
allthebestkids06 · 08/10/2017 18:41

It will be tricky then.
Contact social services to advise you, but you will be fighting an uphill battle. Prick or not, he will be deemed as having rights 😕.
Sorry that is not what you wanted to hear. However, if he pays nothing, and has no contact a court may rule in your favour if the child wants this. Cafcass will become involved to speak on childs behalf etc.
Find your local social services to talk it through.

Original poster
Fairybella · 08/10/2017 19:43

Would there be any circumstance that would make it easier? As in the father being totally awful...

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thomassmuggit · 08/10/2017 19:46

If he has PR, no matter how bad a person it is, this is going to be hard work. It depends on the situation, and the child's feelings, whether it's 'worth' it. Is it worth the risk that he will get his 'day in court', and may be able to ask for contact, either indirect while in prison, or actually face to face once out?

Getting your husband PR may well be very simple, and functionally, not that different to adopting. It's worth making a good solicitor aware of the whole situation, and taking their advice. It isn't adoption or nothing, though, step parents can get PR in addition to the two birth parents.

thomassmuggit · 08/10/2017 19:47

Has the father been abusive to the child?

Even if the father is totally awful, he would still get his opinion listened to, and I know people that have tried this, and the birth father suddenly decides they are interested, and plays merry hell. It is a can of worms.

Original poster
Fairybella · 08/10/2017 20:55

He isn't allowed any unsupervised even if he could be arsed to meet. Daughter is terrified and wants no contact and my dh to adopt her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fairybella · 08/10/2017 20:57

It's all a big mess but he is such a crap person that we want to try for adoption to ensure her future safety

OP posts:
thomassmuggit · 08/10/2017 21:04

Well, if you want to try for adoption, then seek legal advice on that.

With a living birth father with PR, who doesn't consent, it could be difficult, but not impossible, it depends what he says, and on the judge.

In the meantime, getting your husband PR would mean that, should you die, your DD could continue to live with your husband easily.

thomassmuggit · 08/10/2017 21:07

Is that 'no unsupervised access' court ordered? Because if it's not, it depends what his risk is. And court/CAFCASS versions of 'risk' can be quite different to a mum's. And 'no unsupervised contact' isn't the same as 'no contact', even if the court has ordered it.

You need legal advice, and good legal advice isn't cheap.

If you currently have no contact, and he leaves you alone, poking the hornet's nest is often unwise, but only you know your situation.

allthebestkids06 · 08/10/2017 21:15

I agree....you could make things worse by the sounds of it.
Any cases involving children should be covered by legal aid.
Find a family solicitor and book an appointment for specialist advice.
I hope you find the answers your child wants Flowers

thomassmuggit · 08/10/2017 21:21

I'm not sure you would get legal aid for a step parent adoption? If the child is taken into care, yes. If legal aid is available, I'd expect it's means tested, which it isn't if your child is taken into care.

allthebestkids06 · 08/10/2017 21:38

worth an ask anyways...some solicitors have a discretionary fund too.
or you can pay - our solicitor is £100 per hour roughly.....

you do need legal advice, or contact ss OP. but be cautious i think.

Original poster
Fairybella · 08/10/2017 21:59

Thank you all for your advise. I've booked with a lawyer. He is a high risk. Court orders supervised with myself to supervise. Only for a handful of times a year hasn't happened for 2.5 years.

I'm very nervous about this. I hate he has rights when someone like him really should not

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