Approval panel is tomorrow morning!

[PurpleGrapePip]

I feel sick. I have a horrible feeling we will be deferred. Honestly want to throw up right now and I have no clue what they might ask us!

Breathe.

Is there anything specific you're worried about that you think provide grounds for referral?

Has your SW discussed with you the sorts of questions that might come up?

Me too! I’m all over the place.

Questions I’ve preped are: why this child?
What challenges do you think you’ll face?
How can you meet her needs?
What in particular are you looking forward to?
How do you feel about contact?
How will you manage when you go back to work?

You’ve got this! We gone Over these kinds of questions so many times through the whole process.

What time is your appt?

Our social worker has been next to useless the past month or two.

When we met up with her to sign off the paperwork a couple of weeks ago she had completely missed a serious episode of self harm in DH's medical history which he was hospitalised for, and so hadn't spoken to him about it and had to rush to get it in. Which makes me worry that actually if she had known about it from the start they wouldn't have put us forward for panel.

Appointment is 9.15 but it's just for approval not matching :)

Oh dear. Our approval was really rushed too. SW decided after months of saying we didn’t need it that we had to get referrals from counselling we’d had in the past so we had to rush and get those in a couple of days.

It’s really stressful.

Evrn after being approved it took me three days to feel pleased about it because I’d been so tightly wound about it.

Good luck :) 🍀

Just remember it’s not you being assessed, it’s your SW.
They wouldn’t put you forward if they didn’t think you’d be approved.

Just hold tight

DH never received any counselling and that's why I'm worried, I think they might defer and suggest he gets some counselling first. But it was ten years ago and he was in a very destructive relationship.

I'm also worried about my weight (BMI is 32, but it was 36 when I had my medical) and about me only proposing to take 8 months of adoption leave.

If they didn't think it would be ok they wouldn't present you. My BMI was high at medical but I could show progress towards bringing it down - if you can talk through what you've been doing to reduce it that's all they were looking for with me.

Good luck!

Prep answers to all that is worrying you.

If your DH had needed counselling he would have got. For the sake of panel he needs to be saying he looked for support in others beside professionals, he acknowledged he had a problem and he worked through it and has come out the other side having learnt a lot. What has he learnt? etc.
You have lost weight so are showing that you are dealing with that.
Our SW forgot to do one of our references until the night before panel. Nothing was said.

Good luck

Strongly agree with hiding. It's all about preparing the answers to the things that are worrying you.

Your DP needs to show that the episode was specific to a particular time in life, that he got support and that he's thought about it and has made sense of it.

You're on your way with the BMI.

They may probe you about your leave. Can either of you work flexibly after you go back to work, to show that you'll still have time with LO and they won't be in childcare full time?

As others have said, they're really testing the SW, so it's worth looking at any parts of your PAR that feel a bit thin or that might raise questions.

Things they commonly ask are about your support network, how you deal with stress as a couple, how you get support, what sort of child are you looking for and why (because even though it's not matching, they'll approve you for X number of children, up to the age of Y).

Good luck and post again if you need it. I feel for you, having been let down by your SW, but if you don't let the panic get to you, present yourselves as confidently as possible, you should be fine.

We were approved!!! A unanimous yes!!!

The one thing we always said about our social worker is that as scatty and disorganised as she was, she was also quite senior so HAD to be good at her job. And she was. The panel said the PAR was fantastic. They loved how involved my stepchild has been in the process and how well we had prepared them, and thought we would make great adoptive parents.

Congratulations!!!! Sounds like you and your social worker did a great job. Did you get many questions? I have my panel next week!

Not really too many questions!! Nothing we weren't expecting

The medical advisor opened with my weight - congratulated me on a fantastic loss and that was it! No further comments on it!! Asked my DH how he will cope differently in the future with stress.

Some adopters on the panel said they were very impressed with how we have prepared my DSD for getting an adopted sibling and asked if we have any further updates on since the PAR was submitted so we told them about a book we've ordered for her called "Am I supposed to feel like this?" Or something similar sounding.

They noted that DH has been prescribed antidepressants in the past but hadn't taken them, but asked if we would take on board medical advice about a child and advised medication.

That was pretty much it! They were such a lovely bunch

Many congratulations - try to give yourself some space to celebrate and enjoy. It sounds like a really good panel.

Congratulations!