Tips for schools on supporting care-experienced kids

[GirlsWhoWearGlasses]

Hi everyone. So DD (5) has told us today that she was made to sit on a bench by herself and watch the rest of the class get their photo taken for the newspaper. This naturally led to questions from the other kids and DD felt upset and isolated.

At Nursery they used to give her a 'special job' or something.

I feel like the school aren't that clued up on the whole area of adoption-related issues. Can people suggest any resources I could pass on to the school, and any advice on how I can help them to get this.

Am raging, but trying to be constructive.

[GirlsWhoWearGlasses]

Why are all my emoticons gin?! Totally bemused by that.

[thomassmuggit]

That's just common or garden being thoughtless, though. Really thoughtless. I would certainly raise it with them, and ask if a 'special job' can be found.

For other issues, Braveheart Education produce useful resources.

[HawkeyeInConfusion]

t may not help in the example given, and I've no direct experience, but how about getting the school this <a class="break-all" href="//www.amazon.co.uk/Becoming-Adoption-Friendly-School-Whole-School-Complementary/dp/1785922505/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1506805957&sr=8-1&keywords=Adoption%20school&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21" rel="nofollow noindex" target="_blank">book

[GirlsWhoWearGlasses]

Braveheart Education looks incredibly useful, thanks. The book looks good too, might get it for myself, but I don't think the school are in the place that they would commit to even reading it. I'm going to try and find something that's just a few pages as an intro. I could pull it together myself, but think something from an 'expert' would have more weight.

[fatberg]

Are you a member of Adoption UK? Their magazine has lots of good things for schools if you can get hold of that.

Has LO just started school this year? Do they know she's adopted? You could make an appointment to see head to discuss 'adoption', or say it's about the PP+ money and how they're going to spend it - if she's just started school and has no known at school issues, I'd suggest they get training from A-UK on adoption-related things (attachment, trauma etc).

[GirlsWhoWearGlasses]

Signing up to Adoption UK is a good idea. They do know she's adopted, though I don't think they've understood the ramifications of that really. We had a meeting with the DHT as part of her transition, but I'm now feeling that they saw that as reassuring anxious parents, rather than anything helpful for DD. We don't get PP+ unfortunately, wish we did as it would be a great way to suggest training.

[Bigglesworth]

Why wouldn't you get PP+?

[Allington]

This is a good starting point:
www.adoptionuk.org/sites/default/files/documents/LetsLearnTogetherNIMarch2013.pdf

[SweeterThanThis]

Hi op, can I suggest that each year your child starts school, you have a meeting with the teacher to outline concerns like this? I know some may feel you are singling out your child every year but a quick meeting to say "no photos but can you give them a special job/approach this carefully" and any other bits of advice will really help to set her up for the year ahead. I mIght take that approach when my lo is older, depending on how things go. It's really tricky but that is just one option.

[SweeterThanThis]

Also I think a meeting with class teacher is more useful than the head teacher, who probably hasn't been in the classroom for a while!

[B1rdonawire]

For what it's worth, personally I've found that National Assoc of Therapeutic Parents are more useful than Adoption UK - NATP provide template letters for school that somehow in 2-3 pages sum up the context to remember, common school triggers including curriculum topics, and helpful "instead of saying this, do that" charts. Our headteacher was really impressed with their materials, and the class teacher has said it's handy to refer back to when she's wondering about anything. NATP have a helpline too, and local peer groups for when we all need to sound off about schools

We are in a school where we're far from the only ones who say "no photos" so it's less conspicuous. I have just casually (but several times as drip feed) explained to LO though, that I prefer to be the one who takes the photos, and my favourite photos are where we're all doing something fun, not just standing in a line. That way LO has already kind of processed that the non-photo is my decision (so doesn't feel like a rejection by the teacher) and is nobody's fault. Of course LO will have more questions later on but for now this level of info seems to be enough.

[fatberg]

They look really interesting B1rd - I like the look of some of their trainings.

[GirlsWhoWearGlasses]

Thanks all. The NATP looks interesting. I hadn't heard of them before. I'm thinking you're right about the meeting. We spent an hour, arranged by Nursery, with the Deputy Head, but when I mentioned this in passing to the Class Teacher, she said she hadn't spoken to her about DD at all. It's very frustrating. Any emails have to go through the Head. I think face to face may be the way to go, even though I know we'll then be 'those parents'.

[fatberg]

IME you'll be those parents anyway, so you may as well embrace it. ;)