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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Support links needed for friend who is fostering two orphans

5 replies

squiffy · 05/04/2007 16:15

My BF lives in South Africa and at the end of last year her housemaid died quite suddenly of aids, leaving two girls aged 7 and 12. BF and her husband have taken them in and are fostering them with a view to adoption. One child has no father (he has died too) and the other childs' father is not keen on much contact with his DD - he sees her maybe once a month. There is an extended family, but no-one was willing to take the children (even with the offer of financial support, there just wasn't anyone in a position to help - AIDS has meant too many children, not enough adults in many areas). BF and her DH feel honoured to have the children in their lives but the adjustment isn't easy for anyone in the household.
BF is seeking advice regularly from a child psychologist over there but finds she feels a bit isolated. She is British and her DH is Irish and it is a pretty unusual situation - they don't know anyone else in SA who is going through similar, and find it hard to discuss problems/issues with anyone - most of their friends/neighbours over there think they are mad/martyrs but can't relate to what they are going through. They are just normal folk and can't bear not to be doing right by the kids and giving them the love they deserve.
Things aren't going too badly considering, but as you can imagine they are having to deal not only with the childrens' grief but also cultural clashes, school changes, language barriers etc. Not to mention being parents for the first time.......
Can anyone recommend any chatsites/groups/ charities that my friends can get in touch with just for a bit of advice/support?
Thanks in advance to all.

s.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 05/04/2007 16:16

ActionAid is now based in South Africa and does a lot of work around AIDS - worth contacting.

suejonez · 05/04/2007 16:18

Is it a trans-racial foster/adopt? There is a Yahoo webgroup for overseas adoption which will cover many of the issues they will face which I can pass on to them - can you cat me?

foxinsocks · 05/04/2007 18:56

starfish

I know a few of the guys involved with Starfish and they are fab - they may be able to help you (I think I clicked on the SA version but they have people in the Uk too). They may know other people your friends can contact.

squiffy · 05/04/2007 19:12

SJ - up to my ears with the kids - will CAT you tomorrow thanks.

Thanks too foxinsocks, motherinferior

OP posts:
squiffy · 08/04/2007 23:44

Can I bump this and expand my original comments please...

My BF is hoping to be able to contact other parents/support groups/advice centres charities with experience not of the exact same situation but of any of the following:

* Those that deal with bereaved children and the problems you face

*those that deal with older age adoption and the related issues

*those that deal with interracial adoption

If anyone can recommend anything we'd be very grateful. For example Thandi the youngest has started to throw tantrums like a toddler that then turn into horrendous wailing sessions where she is obviously letting out lots of grief. While BF knows it is probably healthy part of healing process it would be great if there was a support group she could join and get reassurance from others as to how long it might last, any tips etc etc.

Thanks

Lisa

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