Can you adopt an older child?

[sunnyjim]

Is it possible to adopt a child who is OLDER than your birth child?

I'd have thought so in theory - very much so, given the fact most people actively prefer not to adopt older ones. In practice it might depend on the circumstances (but then all adoptions do). And your son is very little, isn't he, so we're hardly talking hulking 16 year olds.

Older boys, in particular - over about five, I think - are especially hard to 'place', for adoption agencies.

I'm sure that someone with TONS of experience will come along and laugh at me, but I was always under the impression that an adopted child HAS to be younger than your youngest child, otherwise the worry is that your birth child will be pushed out of the natural order of things.

I have 2 friends that are trying ot adopt and I belive that you can adopt older than your siblings although both my friends have chosen not to

Cadbury, you're right and I am talking complete and utter tripe. I do apologise. This site says there has to be a gap of at least two years and probably more, to make the adopted child the youngest.

I thought that was the case, but this was from when I looked into fostering when dd1 was a baby (she's now 13) so it wouldn't surprise me if the rules have changed.

thats bloody stupid then!

why wouldn't DS love an older sibling as much as a younger one?
why wouldn't an adoption agency want to give a 5-8 yr old boy a loving home wiht an adoring little brother?
why is being the youngest 'best' for an adopted child?

I always assumed it was because the authorities prefer 'experienced' parents?

Fostering's different, IRCC.

I suggest you ask Adoption UK, Sunnyjim, but I'm pretty sure it's a thought-out decision. I imagine it is because most children who come into the adoption system have come into it because rather a lot of appalling things have happened to them, and it's felt they need to be the focus of their new parents' attention.

no it is very frowned upon and I don't thinkwould be allowed. CHildrne must be adopted in birth order, so if you are born first you don;t suddenly inherit an older sibling who usurps your "older"-ness.

Also adopted children consume a great deal of time and energy and there would be concern about how it would affect the family dynamic, a younger sibling may struggle with that, older siblings more likely to be capable of reasoning it through.

Don;t know if there have been studies done to back any of this up.

I do apologise for talking tripe earlier, again. I frequently do

isn't that what mn's for, motherinferior?

ah well, no hope for any older boy for us then.

Sorry kids, can't offer you a home cos we have a 2 yr old whose nose would be put out of joint by having an older brother but would be fine with a new demanding baby!?!

I really think we don't hear that often enough MI "I do apologise for talking tripe earlier" I must say it more often myself

My parents took on two sisters 3 and 4 years younger than me. They were actually never released for adoption, but were fostered with us for 12 yrs, and very much part of the family.

But they did continually require a lot of parental input and attention, and as a child I resented it even though they were younger than me. (I was very good, and very undemanding.) It certainly didn't get any easier as they got older, and I couldn't wait to leave home and get away from it all.

For a long time I resented my parents for this decision, and even now I would say it was poor choice on their part. If I were to foster or adopt (and it's not likely given my experiences) I would not do so until my boys are in their late teens, and I would want at least a decade between them and the adoptees.

Sunnyjim, I really don't think they reach these decisions without thinking about them. Yes, there's a shortage of adoptive parents for older boys but those boys need the right new parents. Otherwise the placement will break down, which does happen and is absolutely horrible for the children in question.

sunnyjim - I know it sounds wrong to you and I am no defender of some of the adoption rules here but adoptoin is very hard, you need to make it as easy as possible on a child and bringing an older child into the family whilst you still have a toddler is not necessarily the way to have a successful adoption.

I agree roisin - if you have very young children adopting a younger one works in a very similar way to a birth child so a 2 yr gap would probably work just fine but if you are taking on children say over 4 I think they like to have a much bigger gap if at all possible for the good of both children.

When dp was little, his older sister returned home with three children, then left again - leaving the children with dp's mum and dad.

So dp went from being basically only child, to being one of four - three of whom had issues as their mother had left them.

He is now well into his forties and, whilst he doesn't really see what else his mum and dad could have done, he still resents his parents for taking on the other kids, and he resents the kids for taking over his childhood.

I know this situation is totally different, but I thought it may be helpful for you to know how an adult feels about a similar situation from when he was a kid.

How are things going with you and your little boy suejonez?

I have been wondering, do 'normal' people (i.e. less than perfect) ever stand a chance of being approved as adoptive parents?

Surely there are families where, perhaps, dad has had a previous marriage/partnership which produced children then divorced/split and went on to have other children in a new relationship who would be the children of the couple.

What if something happened to the "pardon this not sure how to phrase it" first Mum. Could the father not then take on the children permanenetly because it would alter the pecking order.

Sometimes "the rules" are too rigid.

Yes, Daffodils, of course families are increasingly fluid, different configurations. Although in a circumstance like the one you've suggested there would already be some sort of relationship there (even if the kids in question didn't know each other).

But can I point out again that children only come into the adoption system because of something that has made it impossible for them to stay part of their birth families. That something is usually pretty traumatic. The rules may be rigid but I would think they are not completely without basis.

MOlesworth - thank you for asking - he is a joy, fabulous - amazing really when you think what he's been through. I'm so lucky to have him.

Daffodil - situations where there are family member would be looked at differently and if the father has parental rights it would be assumed the children would go to him i ftheir mother died, there wold be no question of someone else adopting them unless he was considered to be an unfit parent. Rules on exisintg chidlren are when it is a "starnger" adoption for want of a better word.

Oh and yes non-perfect parents do get approved 'cos I did and I'm hardly prefect

But if the alternative is to leave older children in the care system for the rest of their childhood it does seem rigid when there are families prepared to take them on.