Unsure whether to tell work before we start..

[rainbowbreeze123]

Bit of background this will be the 2nd time we have started the process, we had to withdraw last time as I lost my job after stage 1 so they wouldn't take us forward - I needed to get another one
So I did and I'll have been there 6 months in a couple of weeks so we will be ready to start again. My feeling was I should tell them before we start incase i end up in the same position again. I work for a small local firm now they all seem very nice and I'd hope they'd be supportive but obviously can't be sure.. I know a work reference will be requested at the beginning of stage 2 which will be soon into the process as I'm hoping we can speed through stage 1 using the forms we completed last time. So obviously I'll have to tell them then.. had anyone any advice ?? I'm torn on what to do, I'm afraid they'll take it badly and I'll be heartbroken if that happens !

Or how best to approach telling them as reading my post back it's obvious I need to tell them soon

Most employers have absolutely no idea how long the process takes & I think you can use this to your advantage. Your social worker will let you know when they'll be seeking employer references (some LAs do it on stage one others on stage two) so wait until they prompt you. Then when you ask your employer you could say you're in the early stages of the, very lengthy, adoption process & they ask for references straight away. I was super nervous about telling my employer & even pointed out how odd it is - no one would tell their employer they were trying for a baby or hoping to start soon! It's now over a year since my employer gave my reference & our panel is at the end of the month. Hopefully it won't take that long for you but for now there's no harm in letting your employer assume so. Good luck 💐

Ask your SW when they will be asking for a reference. Ours sent references out before we had even told family. The only person I did get to tell was my boss.

I did put in my first post they ask for references at the start of stage 2 so about a month into the process..

Yes but they don't always contact the references straight away.

Our sw told us the request is sent out automatically once you agree to starting stage 2

rainbowbreeze hi, so you have a realistic expectation that the social workers will take up references fairly soon after you give the details and can do this once you have been in your job six months?

I agree it is hard you need to tell the boss your plans in a way that you would not if you were having a child a different route.

I think I'd just take a very matter of fact approach. That's what I did.

It's your right to engage with the process to have a child, have adoption leave and to go back to your job afterwards (if this is your choice). So just say your plans in a very matter of fact way, don't be apologetic or try and join the dots of what this will means in terms of adoption leave or return to work etc.

They only need to know now because this is your plan and they will be contacted. Share as much information as you wish, remembering that you cannot take back information (if you later wish you had not said so much).

As others have said help them to see the time line as most likely a long time. If you are fortunate enough to fly through the process and be matched quickly then it will be fabulous for you and the end result for your boss will be pretty much the same! Your boss will need to allow you time off for adoption leave (by law, if you are the one to stay off work with your child) and you will have the right to return after adoption leave, assuming you want to.

It may help to read up on the law so you feel empowered and not like you are inconveniencing them at all.

When I told my boss I was getting married he looked flustered and said "All my staff are leaving me!" Or words to that affect. It was a mean thing to say and took the sparkle off my announcement. I am not even sure I commented on it at the time.

Now almost 20 years later I would certainly point out that the normal phrase would be "How wonderful for you, Congratulations" not "All my staff are leaving me!" But he was kind of right, I did leave (six months later) and I didn't really care what his thoughts on my life were!

But do whatever gets you through the meeting!

Can I ask if you have a probation period in your new role? Not trying to be negative, but as a small business who need you in the role, they may assume you will 1) be off soon, and 2) be off for a long time, and they might think they can't afford for that to happen.
While there are laws to protect you, unless you have worked in a company for more than 2 years you can't claim unfair dismissal, so just be careful.
It's a tough one as you need to tell them, but if they then decide they can't afford to not have someone in that role they could end your employment. It will be down to how nice and understanding they are, which you won't know until you tell them.

Can your SW give you any advice on what would happen if they did end your employment because you tell them about your adoption plans?