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Adoption

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Letterbox contact

3 replies

dailyshite · 03/09/2017 20:15

Our kids have annual letter box contact with BM which up to now has been fairly regular. We have a very close relationship with birth siblings, adopted separately before ours were born, so a few years older. Their letterbox contact dropped off when they went through adolescence and I thought it was their choice as they became more autonomous but BM has missed this year's letter and I wonder if now they are not little ones anymore, she has lost interest.

Was wondering if others have had this and whether you maintained contact at your end. FWIW, our kids are not remotely interested or bothered one way or the other, occasional vague interest but when I show them the contact letter, it's as though I've just told them what someone I work with who they've never met is up to: 'OK, hmmm....riiiigght....that's nice......what's for tea?'

DH says just leave it, I feel a bit more conflicted, like I should do more to keep her in touch with what they are doing.

What do you think?

OP posts:
hidinginthenightgarden · 04/09/2017 12:52

I would keep going. I think it will be good for your kids in the long term to see that you tried your hardest to maintain contact and support a relationship.

dailyshite · 04/09/2017 13:14

That was my thinking hiding. To be fair if DH was left to his own devices he probably wouldn't have even told them because it's easier to ignore it all so I definitely take the lead in this area - has worked OK so far so I'm not sure why I doubted myself really!

Don't mean to paint DH as anything bad, just opts for an easy life wherever possible!

OP posts:
adoption2017 · 15/09/2017 09:54

Friends maintained it with the other sibling, still in foster care, for just over a year. But replies were sporadic. They kept up at birthdays and Christmas, but one birthday card back to them came 2 months after the actual day and then nothing came back.

Viewing that letterbox wasn't a one-way street they stopped. The LA tried to apply pressure but they held their ground.

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