Can we adopt as partner does not see his children?

[Jodie567]

Hi! I need your help and advise anything will be helpful and appreciated.

Myself and my partner have a biological daughter together but we have been considering adoption. He has two other children from a previous relationship which the mother is stopping him from seeing, will this effect our chances of adoption?
I know it may sound silly as it is not his fault but so many men are thought to have walked away from their children and I wouldn't want them to think this and stop us from adopting.
Anyone faced this problem?
Any advise would be appreciated.
Thank you

I have no idea but I would like to hope they wouldn't even consider it. Either he didn't try hard enough for access or was deemed a risk to them.

There are very few automatic barriers in adoption - it's all about why things happened, how they were handled and what their legacy has been, which your dp will need to be prepared to discuss with the social worker.

I suppose the social worker will want to know why access isn't happening, and what your dp has done to overcome his ex's obstructiveness. Above all, the sw will want to hear that at all times he has considered the children's wellbeing - not just about how difficult it was for him etc.

Just to add: you must expect this to be taken very seriously. Clearly adopted children need loads of stability and commitment from their parents, so any sense that your dp just walked away because it was all getting too difficult will not be received well.

You'd be better off posting in adoption.
If he has solid evidence that he battled and battled to see his kids then that's one thing. Adopted kids need parents with a shedload of determination and battle readiness. As someone says - if things were just a bit awkward or inconvenient it might ring alarm bells with a SW.
However more important is the bc you already have and the effect adoption might have on her. This should be at the forefront of all your adoption decisions.

Sorryyou are in adoption - apologies i'd just been in aibu.

So i guess the social workers will want to explore this issue in detail. And they'll want to speak to his ex.
Is he ok about talking about it? Has he processed what's happened and his feelings? (Assuming he is being honest about the lack of contact?)
Has he thought about having some counselling now? That always goes down well - it shows you don't hide from difficult emotions which is incredibly important because you have to deal with your own feelings when you see your ac affected by their start in life as well as helping them process their own feelings and not shy away from the difficult bits of their past.
You may have to protect your bc from emotional or physical attacks for the first few years. It's hard. You will be parenting the ac differently and your bc will notice. Your ac will eat up time and attention and may not sleep well. I love ad to bits but it's exhausting. Exactly what i expected thanks to a lot of reading and brilliant prep from our sw. It's not something i'd advise you to rush into. Though i have no regrets.

My DH and I are adoptive parents, we have 2 DDs. In our experience social services are very thorough and will investigate prospective adoptive parents very carefully.

They will ask why his ex partner isn't allowing him access to their children, and what steps he's taking to overcome this. Has he pursued mediation or court proceedings? If he has and the court ruled against him, then he won't be allowed to adopt, no.

They will want to interview his ex as well, as they will need to know why she doesn't want him to see their children.

I am concerned as to why he's pursuing adoption rather than going through the courts to pursue seeing his children. Any social worker would be too.

I know someone who was approved to adopt who didn't see his biological children - but they were adult and he had been present until their teens. It was explored a lot.

How old are your partner's children? Under 5, under 10, teens, twenties? I think that will have some bearing.

It may be a bar and please remember that there are more adopters out there than children (although depends if you are able and willing to take on a child with SN). So an authority may be able to rule you out because they have other adopters on their books.

But I think it is worth a chat to see if it is possible. If the children are under 10, then I expect it to be more of an issue than if they are in their twenties and had a good period of stability with their dad.

You don't say how old your birth child is - or why you are considering adoption as opposed to having a second child together. This also needs to be explored and will be explored by any SW.

This would be considered as very serious and explored thoroughly. How old are the children?
How is he fighting for contact? If a court has ruled that he can have no contact then no you wouldn't as far as I know be able to adopt.
If they have granted a contact order then they'll want to know how he is seeking legal advice to have it implemented etc. How he is providing and doing what is best for the children he already has. Basically evidence that he hasn't just given up.
I only know I real life of one couple in which the man had no contact with his children who explored adoption and they were not permitted to proceed. The specific details of the case however I don't know.

Thanks for all the replies!

His other children are 11 and 7 the mother has stopped him seeing them in regards; she has up and gone!
We have proof of this as he has always paid for the children therefore he went to the CSA when he wasn't getting contact back and they told him that she has dropped the case as she no longer wanted him to pay or have involvement in the children's lives, also that she was moving and did not want him to know where they where going. The CSA have sent us a report outlining what she had said to them and the impact this has on my partner. He has since paid for a private eye if you like to trace her down with no luck, her mother does not know where she has gone. He had contacted the police when he originally found her to have upd and gone apperntly they have contacted her after a couple of months and released the address to my partner. He went to this address where the occupier told him that she has recently moved out. The police will not consider tracking her down again so she isn't legally doing anything wrong as they have joint rights. We have been to a solicitor and they told us they can do a check on the electoral role for her but it came back with an old address, they for they can pursue her at that address but obviously she will not turn up for court as she doesn't live there any more. They really isn't anything else he can do to find the children, he has been paying into a account each for the children in the hope he will find them and they will be provided for. We have proof of all of the above to show the adoption agency or social workers but i wasn't sure it would be enough.

I can't see how it would be fair to stop us from loving another child just because his ex decided that she would run off with his two children! Even if she hadn't we would still like to adopt so I can't see why that should matter but I have a feeling it will!
Thank you all so much for the replies

I cant see this will be an issue as he has done everything he can to find them . Good luck and hope you acheive your adoption dream x

That is very sad, OP. I'm sure social services will be sympathetic to the situation, but just a word to the warning: they will still want to be sure this situation won't have implications for the adopted child. When you're talking to them, remember at all times that this is about the needs of the child in care, not whether or not it is fair to stop you adopting. Best of luck.

Thanks for the replies
We have got a meeting with an adoption advisor so fingers crossed!!

KindleBueno what a ridiculous snap judgement knowing only the barest of facts!

OP I hope all will go well. Just be totalu honest. It's always best onyhis case I think.

Very hard for your dp.

Ps is there a reaspnyoi dp just choose to have another child together? This will be questioned as you can imagine.

We would love to apodot as my partner was adopted himself and would love to give a child the same chance he had, as he had such a wonderful adoptive family.
Thanks for the support