Adoption Medical Worries

[louie55]

Hello,

This is my first post so forgive me if I'm not following etiquette yet!

My other half and I are currently in the process of adopting (stage 1) and I'm just waiting to get my medical done. I'm fairly anxious about issues coming up on my medical which may impact whether or not I am approved to adopt.

I'm not looking for judgement, as I know this is very irresponsible & if I could change it of course I would, but as a young person, I was very different to how I am now, and I ended up having three abortions over a period of about 5 years. I have disclosed one to the social workers during the initial visit, which they had no problems with, but I am concerned that if they all come up in my medical they will deem me unsuitable to adopt. I feel that it will make me seem unreliable, irresponsible and also will raise a whole load of other questions about me and my ethics as a person.

Aside from that, stage 1 is going well, the social workers seem happy with our references and everything else we have had to provide so far.

Do you think this would affect my chances of being able to adopt?

Any opinions would be greatly appreciated :)

Personally I think it shows that you have had to make tough emotional decisions and have been sensible (not bringing a child into the world when you were not in a good place to raise it). It's shows emotional growth and maturity.

Are you worried they might think you don't want a child enough if you've had previous abortions? If so, I really don't think that is a concern.

Don't think there's much complicated etiquette on here, a coherent OP is doing well for MN some days.

I doubt your abortions would come up on your medical, unless there is some ongoing issue. I don't remember seeing that on the questionnaire. I'd get the medical done sooner than later as it can sometimes take time to get processed if issues crop up.

Where the abortions may be a factor is in your motivation to adopt and feelings about adoption. If they were a long time ago, I would not necessarily think you need to disclose, but if they ask, or if they were in recent years then you should be honest. Depending on how you get on with your SW, you might want to bring it up anyway as it worries you- I can't see them including it in your PAR.

You need to consider how you feel about those abortions and what has changed to mean you can now provide a supportive home to a child. Apart from that, I don't see an issue- they aren't going to make a moral judgement about you choosing to have abortions at a different stage of your life.

They should come up under 'fertility history' if the GP reads back far enough in your notes... if the GP skims through your notes they may overlook them. there is no way for you to know.

IF it comes up the SW will question why you lied - this will become more important to them than the abortions themselves.

hope that helps....i would call and let them now before the medical...

Thanks for your replies :) It's really helpful getting some different perspectives.

Purplemac - I guess I was concerned about how they would view me as a person , and also whether they would question my maternal instinct, but maybe I'm reading too much into it!

Donquixote - There is a section on my medical form regarding 'pregnancy and sexual health, including pregnancies & terminations' so I'm guessing they'll be noted down under that. The last one was about 7 years ago, in a very different time of my life, but I imagine when I'm asked about my previous relationships they will probably come up.

Boston - I'm hoping they won't think I've lied as the initial visit covered such a lot of topics, and I wasn't asked specifically about abortion or pregnancy, it was actually my partner who mentioned one of them when discussing another issue. I do agree that I should let them know sooner rather than later though, as I don't want them to think I'm trying to cover up important aspects of my past.

I had a termination many moons ago, probably 15 years. We discussed it in stage 2 I think. It wasn't made a big deal of we explored the reasons why I did it (Was on my own, had a terminally ill parent) and that was that. They were more interested in how balanced and emotionally capable I am now and how I have developed resilience and reflected on decisions and things I would do differently. They tackled the issue of me having 2 miscarriages and an abusive marriage with much less sensitivity. I don't think the terminations were disclosed through my gp, but I feel it's better to be as open as you can in case it bites you on the bum.

Good luck x

Louie, your social worker may want to explore any emotions that you have regarding the abortions but they shouldn't make you feel judged about it nor should you feel guilt. You made a decision that was right for you.
The sw however will likely just discuss your emotions to make sure it isn't likely to be a trigger for you through the process or that you don't have unresolved emotions around it - as a previous poster said, demonstrating understanding around tough decisions and resilience are key strengths for adopters. Adopted children's birth families can be very complex and being understanding of complex decisions is an attribute.