Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Disapointed again.

9 replies

luckylucky24 · 06/07/2017 19:51

Back in April we had a few set backs with our AO including mum contesting, change of judge and a lack of paperwork.

The paperwork issue meant the court was adjourned and the next available date was set for 11 weeks. We were devastated as 11 weeks seemed an eternity for an issue with paperwork but it turned out the judge (who requested to swap onto this case as she was on it originally) was on holiday for a whole month.
Paperwork was acquired by SS and sent back to the court but now there is another issue with the same paperwork that cannot be fixed as the judge is away and will not be able to sort in time for our court date.
I am so fed up. The SW keep describing it as a "catalogue of unfortunate events" that have led to all the delays but all I can see is mistakes made mostly by the courts and some by SS that mean DD will have been with us almost a year by the time she is officially ours.

I know this happens when people contest etc but we haven't even got that far really. BM wants to but no evidence has been heard etc because everyone involved keeps messing up and delaying things.
IMO the judge is massively at fault here for insisting she takes the case knowing that she was not going to have any availability for weeks if things did not go through on the first one (I am assured it would not have gone through the first time due to BM contesting).

Such a mess and all anyone can say is "just carry one, she is your DD and that's all you need". Its not like that though. I know she legally isn't ours and I don't feel I can properly move on with our lives with SW constantly hovering around us.
Thanks if you got to the end. I just needed a place to rant.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 06/07/2017 20:24

We've done it twice. The first time I felt exactly as you, the wait was agonising (just delays, never actually got contested in the end). I felt I had to protect DD1 at all costs from the first night and I'd have left the country rather than let abusive BM take her. Once it got past 6 months I was hardly sleeping.

Think is, it really is nonsense. This is just more slow bureaucracy like all the other bits of the process. Very few BPs get leave to appeal and of the thousands of adoptions each year, none go back to BPs after AO application. It is all but impossible for it to be in the child's interest- it's a done deal.

Hard as it is, try to enjoy being a parent- you are mum now in every sense and the legal stuff will catch up shortly.

luckylucky24 · 06/07/2017 21:53

I know but it still sucks!

Thanks for replying.

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 06/07/2017 22:32

"I know but it still sucks!" Yep, it really does. Vent away. Flowers

tldr · 07/07/2017 09:15

Yep, stupid bureaucratic nonsense and you're right - it shouldn't have been assigned to someone who is not even there...

Looking for silver linings, does it mean you'll be in a position to have a better party/celebration day?

Ours had been home a year so were well and truly bedded in and we had a great party. It's really helped over the years tmwith talking about adoption, so not just frivolous either.

HookandSwan · 07/07/2017 10:04

Your her mum who is giving her a safe and loving home. Don't know what else to say accept it'll happen xxx

luckylucky24 · 07/07/2017 11:55

Thanks everyone.
TLDR if anything it will be worse because at least over summer I have a better chance of people being able to attend plus we are getting closer to both DD and DS's birthdays so will be skint again.

OP posts:
Rainatnight · 07/07/2017 15:40

Huge sympathies. We just got our AO application in after ludicrous delays to do with missing paper work from the LA. It's really frustrating.

I try to think of it like The Velveteen Rabbit. Love made him 'real'. You're loving your your daughter every day so you don't need the bureaucracy to prove that you're her mum.

Rainatnight · 07/07/2017 15:41

Sorry, daughter AND son

luckylucky24 · 07/07/2017 17:09

Thanks rain. DS is BC so we are not waiting on anything with him. Just DD.
I very much feel like mum as I have been "mum" for 4 years anyway. I just need to get on wit life without SW in the background.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread