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Adoption

Coming for a moan about lack of cardage.

14 replies

ChoccyJules · 02/07/2017 21:53

So AD has been with us nearly three weeks. DH has a big family, three generations, nine cousins. Did we send cards and gifts when every baby was born? Well of course we did. Has anyone sent anything to welcome AD?
Have they heck.
I know, I did know this would happen (from being on here) and I'm not being grabby, rather it actually hurts me that they don't apparrently see how bloody big this is for us. Yes, I will be thick-skinned about it but yes, I wish I could say something.
Here endeth the rant.

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DancesWithOtters · 02/07/2017 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainatnight · 02/07/2017 22:01

Aw, Choccy, it's such a shame. You've waited a long time for this so it's not nice to have this casting a cloud.

Is there any chance they're just not quite sure what to do/feel awkward? And maybe one wise relative could be trusted to put the word out that you'd love to hear from people?

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ChoccyJules · 02/07/2017 22:04

They aren't usually the awkward types. Be nice to find one amongst them who seems bothered enough to entrust with that. Poor DH, his work did nothing either (he was off for three weeks so they would have noticed).

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flapjackfairy · 03/07/2017 09:18

I do think people are unsure what to do esp because the system is so darned complicated and we kept reiterating that nothing was certain until the adoption order was granted.
We adopted our fc so he was already with us but we made a big deal of the celebration day and it was then that we got lots of thoughtful cards, presents and keepsakes so i would herald it as a v special day to celebrate the official arrival of your child.
Anyway we understand and are delighted for you. Many congratulations xxx

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Rainatnight · 03/07/2017 12:15

Can you say anything to any of them to let them know how you feel?

My two best friends, to whom I zoomed over as soon as was appropriate to admire their birth children, were very slow to come and see my DD (after the point we were allowing visitors). I festered for a while and then said straight out that I was pissed off and felt LOTS better.

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Etihad · 03/07/2017 13:26

Congratulations!! Feel free to rant on here, a lot of us have been there. I was actually working for SS when I adopted and I didn't get a single card or even anice text message from my colleagues.

Don't let it spoil things though, enjoy your beautiful DD

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UnderTheNameOfSanders · 04/07/2017 12:15

People may well be very unsure what to do.

We got round this with a gigantic HINT.

We sent out announcement cards, and got loads of cards etc back.

Announcement cards went like this:

Kanga and Eeyore are pleased to announce the addition to our family of Tigger Stripey (dob 1/1/00) and Roo Tiny (dob 1/1/02)

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ChoccyJules · 04/07/2017 18:36

We have sent announcement cards to all the older relatives, who are not so close or not online. The close family and siblings of DH are in contact by phone, email, text etc and they are the ones who haven't mustered a card between them.
I guess some may be waiting for the actual AO but still, it rankles. Sorry. I only rant here as people understand, I know I need to let it go.

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emesis · 05/07/2017 07:16

I think the fact it's so common to get no celebration or cards shows it's something people aren't really sure about. Other adoptive families completely understand and will make a fuss but if you haven't been through it you may not really know the expectation.

People know the drill when it comes to birth babies but may need to be told or strongly hinted at for adopted older children.

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flapjackfairy · 05/07/2017 08:01

Rant away choccy we understand x

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luckylucky24 · 06/07/2017 12:16

Very common. We didn't get many despite not being able to move for cards and gifts for BC.
DH work always give £500 when someone has a new baby. Because we adopted we did not get that. Both our works chipped in and got us vouchers, flowers and money though. We have barely paid for any clothes 9 months on!

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ChoccyJules · 06/07/2017 22:36

Thanks all for your empathy. Really don't mean to sound like it's a big deal in the scheme of things. But after four years, I guess it bloody well is.

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Rainatnight · 07/07/2017 11:13

You're completely allowed to think it's a big deal. And we get it.

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Sweepy82 · 11/07/2017 11:16

I too was really frustrated and disappointed that close friends and family didn't send cards. Especially when you have attended their baby showers, bought lots of new baby gifts and haven't received anything, not even a text from some of them.
Adoption does mean you lose some friends unfortunately.
It's been just as bad with my parents who treat our AC very different to my sisters BC.
Telling people how you feel does help. I had to have a rant at my parents about how differently our children were being treated. It hasn't really changed things but least they know how I feel.