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Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Original poster

ending placement

27 replies

EmilyEloise · 22/05/2017 10:36

We had a lo placed with us earlier in the year. After many difficulties we have asked our VA to end this placement for all our sakes. Our friends and family don't know how we've managed so far.
My worries are that this request will not be acted upon and we will be left to cope. What options do we have? What support can be given?
I said I can't manage on my own in the school hols.

OP posts:
Koalaquakers · 22/05/2017 12:27

I think you posted on adoption uk, if not then someone is in the same boat and excellent advice was given.

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 22/05/2017 14:17

No advice but Flowers as this must have been a very difficult decision for you to reach. Look after yourselves.

C0RAL · 22/05/2017 17:33

If you have asked them to end an adoption placement then they will do so pretty quickly. Usually with a week or two.

If you are a foster carer then it might take a bit longer, while they look for another placement. Unless there are serious risks.

When you ask about options and support - what do you mean ? Do you mean support for you between now and the child leaving ?

Or do you mean that if you had enough support you might think about the child continuing to live with you?

I'm sorry, this must be a very difficult situation for you and your family.

Original poster
EmilyEloise · 22/05/2017 22:31

It's stressful not knowing what's happening if anything. A weeks a long time in this situation.
Support re child leaving - not having been in this position we don't know what can be done.
Thank you for your posts.

OP posts:
C0RAL · 22/05/2017 22:49

It's your SWs job to support you through this time. Have they been a help to you over these last few months ? is it an inter agency placement ?

Original poster
EmilyEloise · 23/05/2017 13:33

SW has been supportive but is fairly new to the post and hasn't had day to day experience of looking after a child just like us!
Child's LA is a few hours away. I'll keep ringing and chasing to see what's happening

OP posts:
C0RAL · 24/05/2017 08:20

I'm sorry your SW sounds pleasant but ineffectual. Which isn't what you need at this stage.

Do you know her senior and is it worth contacting her ? It's really their job to sort this out as it's an inter agency placement .How long is it since you formally notified them that you can't continue with the placement ?

I'm sorry you and LO are left in limbo like this. It's in no ones interest for this to drag on.

OlennasWimple · 25/05/2017 20:20
Flowers
Original poster
EmilyEloise · 25/05/2017 21:41

Lo has now left - tears all round.

OP posts:
UnderTheNameOfSanders · 25/05/2017 21:49

FlowersWineFlowersWineFlowersWineFlowersWineFlowersWine

Look after yourselves. It will take you a lot of time to come to terms with this. Best wishes.

Mrscollydog · 25/05/2017 21:51

Sending huge love your way. I cannot imagine how hard this is for you all. We are here for you.

tldr · 26/05/2017 00:31

I'm sorry Emily. I can't imagine. Flowers

DancingLedge · 26/05/2017 01:23

Heartfelt good wishes.
Few things as hard as thisFlowers

2old2beamum · 26/05/2017 20:24

My heart goes out to you and you family. We had to do this a few years ago but it was the right thing for her and the rest of the family. But I do still feel guilty.
Flowers good luck

Original poster
EmilyEloise · 27/05/2017 20:22

Quiet house and empty bedrooms.
Never again - but what do you do after this.

OP posts:
UnderTheNameOfSanders · 27/05/2017 20:34

Give yourselves time to grieve for the little girl and the life you thought you were going to have together.
Take time to recover from the emotional turmoil, consider counselling.
Try to go out and do some 'normal' stuff.
Find joy in little things.

Remember it isn't your fault. The SWs shouldn't have matched you and/or should have understood her needs better and/or should have supported you better. The BPs that caused her to need adopting caused damage. All you did was to try to pick up the pieces.

Italiangreyhound · 28/05/2017 09:24

Sending you hugs at a very difficult time.

Flowers
dibly · 28/05/2017 21:05

I'm so sorry, and hope you get any help you need to be able to move on.

MumInTraining66 · 02/06/2017 17:55

If it got that bad, it wasn't meant to be and you did the right thing for her and for you. Good luck for a happy future.

Rosieandtim · 02/06/2017 21:23

Thoughts for you all at a difficult time. Flowers

flapjackfairy · 03/06/2017 16:46

How are you all doing Emily. Thinking of you x

Original poster
EmilyEloise · 04/06/2017 20:11

Finding out you can eat too much choc.
OH back at work, and he's booked a hol in the sun for us.
I'm not so motivated, leaving work and looking for new position.
Seeing family but not been in touch with friends. Mixed feelings about keeping in touch with those people we know through adoption.
Thanks for support.

OP posts:
Tillymintsmama · 05/06/2017 19:57

Can you tell us anything about what you were finding so difficult? Are you still hoping to adopt?

C0RAL · 05/06/2017 21:51

Why do you ask Tilly ?

Rosieandtim · 05/06/2017 22:16

Disruption happens, Emily. Just like someone who has just lost a baby may not wish to hang around new mothers, taking some space from those who have adopted may be wise. But don't make assumptions about them not wishing to remain friends. You've suffered a huge loss, the loss of a child. Be kind to yourself.