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Adoption shower/party

25 replies

Laura25o6 · 12/05/2017 20:29

Hi we finally got approval to become adopters. Friends and family are asking if we are throwing a celebratory party.

What are all your thoughts on this.

Still a way to go as not been matched yet.

Do we have one before child arrives or not??
No negativity please xxx

OP posts:
mnpeasantry · 12/05/2017 20:34

I would wait to be matched but might have it before adoption. A great way to mark your child about to become part of your family and something to look forward to between match and the child coming to live with you.

Might be overwhelming to have the child there for them and a lot of pressure.

itsbeenaverylongweek · 12/05/2017 21:57

My friends are planning to throw a shower for me the week after matching panel. There could be a long wait between approval and being matched so as nice as it is that you've been approved I'd say hold off for now but congratulations!

Starfishbanana101 · 13/05/2017 07:29

Congratulations! Felt like the most amazing day being finally approved.

We didn't have anything, at any stage, as we kept things very quiet. Matching and getting LO home was stressful with many delays. After matching panel happened LO was basically home so there wasnt time. Once home we had lots of cards and flowers etc and it was a 'normal' arrival of a new member of the family - just without all the visitors! After matching isn't a bad shout, mostly there's a few weeks in between matching and meeting LO but it didn't work out like that for us because of the delays before hand.

I think though that getting to the end of the approval process is a big step and I kind of wish we'd done something then to celebrate as although ours went about as smoothly and quickly as it could, was still exhausting, so maybe now is a good time if you did want to have a party. If you like parties and celebrating then get two in! No reason not to, it's an exciting time :)

CrazyCatLaydee123 · 13/05/2017 08:16

We had a shower between matching panel and introductions. It was a bit of a squeeze! But glad we waited until we knew they were definitely going to be ours.
Having it with particular children in mind made it feel much more special, and any gifts we received were suitable for them and we're great getting us started.
I wouldn't have had it after they'd arrived.

Chocogoingcuckoo · 13/05/2017 11:40

I'd defo love an adoption shower but I'm making my friends wait until between matching panel and LO coming home, which I've been told is a 9 week gap due to legal timeline?! We were approved Oct last year and still waiting. This part is harder for us than the process to become approved adopters and still doesn't feel like its really going to happen until that match is made with a specific LO.

I'm also thinking of having a separate party for LO once their settled in, maybe 6 month mark, but that will depend on what they can cope with.

Do whays right for you. It might be nice to have a celebratory meal with supportive friends and family and have a shower once you're matched.

Italiangreyhound · 13/05/2017 14:23

I had an adoption shower after matching and before intros. I would always advise this; never a party with the new child (top disruptive for child) or a shower before matching (not great as adoption still not a reality IMHO at that stage).

Our son was dedicated (like a Christening) in a church with a party after he had been with us almost 9 months. By this stage he was very well established I'm put family and has individually met the people at the party (for the most part).

For a young baby I may not have waited a full 9 months not out don was 3 when he came and a boy party would have overwhelmed him.

Good luck.

Italiangreyhound · 13/05/2017 14:25

Sorry, typos...

For a young baby I may not have waited a full 9 months but our son was 3 when he came and a big party would have overwhelmed him.

G1ggleloop · 13/05/2017 18:12

My friends threw me a 'toddler shower' between matching and introductions. It was a surprise but a lovely one. This was the first time. The second time around we didn't receive so much as a card.

CheeseAtFourpence · 13/05/2017 19:41

My work colleagues threw me a surprise shower after we had been linked (before the matching panel which made me a bit anxious!!) - was lovely, and actually the time between matching panel and intros was so short.

We chose to have a christening, which ended up being a huge family celebration - but that was a year after she came home.

tldr · 13/05/2017 20:29

been told is a 9 week gap due to legal timeline
Nope. Once matching panel has happened it's a big old scramble to get them out of FC and home ASAP.

itsbeenaverylongweek · 13/05/2017 20:51

been told is a 9 week gap due to legal timeline
Plan for us is exactly 2 weeks after panel if ADM has ratified decision in time

dimples76 · 13/05/2017 22:48

I had a small family celebration when I got approved.

I had five days between MP and intros. My family arranged a surprise party the day before intros started (at my house!) On the day of MP I had arranged to have lunch with a few work friends but twenty other colleagues jumped out on me! Seems that my friends and family love surprises.

Chocogoingcuckoo · 13/05/2017 23:42

2 weeks 😫😫😫😫 oh my, I've been thinking 9 weeks will be plenty of time to decorate bedroom, buy essentials, train someone to cover my job etc.

tldr · 14/05/2017 00:49

Nope again. You'll need to decorate/equip the room without being absolutely certain the child you're decorating it for is going to be yours. (Although if there was a risk that matching panel might not approve I'd hope you'd know about it...)

JustHappy3 · 14/05/2017 07:31

2 days for us between matching panel and intros...

CrazyCatLaydee123 · 14/05/2017 08:55

We had about 4 weeks, but that was only because it was over Xmas and they didn't want to move them until the new year.
If you've got a child/ren in mind, and a matching panel date, then you need to just crack on as if it's going to happen (do as much as you can whilst waiting for a match though, please!) We just waited until after MP to do the shower in order not to jinx it.

Laura25o6 · 14/05/2017 23:00

Thank you for all your messages.

Think we'll wait till we have been matched then have a family and friend meal.

Hopefully SW will be in touch this week in what happens next. I'm guessing it'll be a few months yet before placement but I may be wrong.

How quick did it all go for you guys? From being approved to matching to placement?


OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 14/05/2017 23:20

Meeting to discuss little
Matching panel two months later
Met little one following month
Came to live with us within two weeks

ClarindaDazzle · 14/05/2017 23:23

18 months between being approved to matching panel. 3 weeks from matching panel to intro planning meeting (awaiting ADM confirmation). 2 weeks from planning meeting to intros starting. I think it's a bit unusual to have such a long gap between the intro planning meeting and introductions starting but there were a few things that couldn't be moved.

dimples76 · 15/05/2017 07:09

One month after being approved I first heard of my son. He was being tested for a syndrome that I didn't think I could cope with. Waited for test results before meeting child's SW. From being linked to MP was three months. MP was on a Wednesday, I finished work on the Friday, the planning meeting was on Monday morning. After planning meeting I had to go home to wait for phone call confirming ADM ratification. About two hours after planning meeting I met my son for the first time and a week later brought him home for good.

DINKY2016 · 15/05/2017 07:44

Approved dec 2016, matching panel at the end of this month. Intros next month.

luckylucky24 · 15/05/2017 08:29

We got the phone call a week after approval. Very unusual by this board but our chosen LA often has people matched in theory by the time they get to approval. We met DD 10 weeks after hearing about her.

monkeytoad35 · 15/05/2017 08:34

We heard about our son three weeks before approval panel. Matching panel was three weeks after we were approved. Introductions were less than three weeks later. All very quick. I had an afternoon tea baby shower on my last day of work with my colleagues which was lovely. We didn't do anything with friends and family before LO came, but after the adoption order was granted, we had a naming ceremony for him and a big party to celebrate with all our family and friends.

Congratulations on being approved! Hope you don't have too long to wait, but definitely agree you should wait until matching panel before having a baby shower.

Yolande7 · 17/05/2017 21:26

I had a "baby shower" (they were 5 and 6 yrs old) after matching. My daughters love the idea that we celebrated them even before they arrived. It makes them feel loved and special. I still have fond memories of it.

About 6 weeks after placement we send out adoption announcement cards, which I would highly recommend doing. It helped family and friends to know what to do. We received lots of cards and presents and felt welcomed and celebrated as a family.

OlennasWimple · 22/05/2017 03:10

We had three days between matching panel and intros....

Personally, I wouldn't have wanted a celebration until after matching panel, but our timetable wouldn't have allowed it anyway

DC was christened about three months after the AO went through, so about seven months after placement. That felt like the right time to stop, take a breath and celebrate completing our family

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