adoption options

[littlegreen2017]

my partner & I are looking for more information on adoption. We have researched the usual sites but most of them give fairly basic information before saying "contact us for more info". I suppose we are looking for those with experience of the process, who can give an accurate account of the highs & lows.
First of all we are a same sex couple (both female- (so that's your que to stop reading if you don't approve of same sex couples raising a family.

We prefer the idea of international adoption over UK. We are not married. We reside in scotland (not sure if any of the laws vary specifically for scotland compared to rest of UK). I think international adoption appeals to us more as we would go down the orphanage avenue. Ideally we would like a child as young as possible, but i'm aware we dont live in an ideal world. I am under the impression that most UK adoptions are for children over aged 2 therefore it might be easier to get a younger child from outwith the uk (could be a misconception).

what we would like to know:

• what countries currently allow adoption to openly gay couples
• how long the process takes (UK & International)
• the process (UK & International)
• the cost (UK & International)
• what background information they request - aware they sometimes ask for a letter from your employer, what about financial status - income, savings etc.
• how long the process takes
• any other relevant useful information (you wish someone had told you!)

my partner is white Caucasian & I am half asian. I am not dark skinned its more apparent in my features. some people say they could have never have told I was mixed race others say the asian in me is obvious. So i'm not sure (lol). I have regular contact with my parent who is asian. I'm pointing all this out as i'm aware for international adoption it is nesc to consider the racial side of things. of course myself & partner would be happy with a child of any ethnicity but in terms of the child maybe "fitting in" or feeling like part of the heritage instead of being perceived as the "odd one out".

Something that may

... continued: something that could potentially be an issue (i'm not sure) is that my partner is not a British Citizen. She originates from another EU country however has been residing here for 4 years.

I hope some of you out there can share your experiences :)

apologies if any of the above has come off ignorant - we are new to the process & misconceptions do happen,but that's why we are here asking for more info.

thanks!

it's awful that you can't edit a post on this forum .... i've had to post 3 messaged back to back - sorry!
wanted to add, I know/think some countries (which may not nesc allow same sex couples to addopt) do allow single person adoption & this is something we would also consider (with the intention of the second mum then being able to adopt from within the UK - again don't know all the in's and outs)

i will try and help but i don't know a huge amount about international adoption i'm afraid.

what i do know is that in the UK now you can adopt from newborn through a scheme called foster to adopt. you basically foster the baby with the hope that you then adopt it. it is not without its risks as there is a chance the baby may be returned to its birth parents, but many local authorities now offer this option as it offers more stability for children in care.
i'm not sure about scotland but google is your friend - foster to adopt.

a child from age 2 is really very young, just babies. At age 2 you still experience lots of firsts - toddlers are wonderful so don't discount it because they seem too old.

international adoption - what i do know is that you have to become approved adopters in this country - so the local authority approve you and do your assessments, checks etc. it is very intrusive and time consuming yes. They ask for medical checks from your GP, references from your workplaces and family and friends. Yes they ask about your finances. You will have to go on training courses over several weeks - often 4-6 days or weekends. It can cost about £6k+ i think??? if you want to do international adoption as basically you have to pay the local authority to approve you as adopters.
it is free if you are adopting in the UK.
It is one of the most intrusive processes you will ever go through.

if you are a mixed race couple this will be looked at carefully - as in what ethnicity of child could you parent.
your sexuality will also be explored - (they look at straight people's relationships too)....they look at past relationships, how you live and work together as a team, how you will parent together.
gay couples are approved as adopters though so that in itself will not be a barrier.

if you are a couple you will not be able to approved as a single person to adopt abroad and then adopt the child by the other mum when you return the the UK i don't think. the UK local authority will recognize you as a couple in your assessment.

it takes about a year to complete the process in the UK - so from application to approval to adopt a year ish. the wait to find a child is like how long is a piece of string.....sometimes weeks - months, sometimes months - years for the right children.

hope that helps - and there are people here who adopted abroad - they may come along and offer more info.

good luck with your info gathering...adoption can be wonderful!

Hi, I'm a dad to a wonderful daughter who we (myself and my wife) adopted nearly 4 years ago in the uk. I'm sorry but I can't answer your questions on overseas adoption but the following is my experience of the UK. Would love to understand what is turning your mind to overseas as from my experience there are lots of children in the UK that require a loving home.

• how long the process takes (UK & International)

For us it took a few years but that was before they introduced the new fast track process. Obviously it depends on finding the right child for you but a year seems to be the typical time today

• the process (UK & International)

Firstly you go to an information day where they will provide lots of info on the process. If interested they will arrange a home visit where they will talk to you some more, look at your home environment to check it is suitable and has space for a child and discuss what happens next. Next you get put on a training course which for us was about 8 days spread over 4 weeks. You get to meet other singles and couples and share their experiences as well as understand the reality of adoption. On our course we had a mixture of straight, gay and singles and have stayed friends with most, including a gay couple who now have two amazing boys. Being gay is definitely not a barrier in the uk (nor should it be). After the course you are allocated a social worked who will spend time with you over the coming months where you share your background and journey to wanting to adopt. They will want to know about the strength in your relationship and your financial position. You will also talk about what type of child you are ideally looking for, age/gender etc as well any understand more how you will bring them into your life. After this is done you go to approval panel, which is simply a meeting with the key decision makers who approve you to adopt. By the time you see this panel there should be no reason for them not to approve but they will at the panel ask you again why you have reached the decision. Following approval you then wait for a child to be matched with you. I know some couples who have had this happen immediately, for us it took about 6 months (we adopted a 11 month old little girl). You will be presented photos and background of the child, maybe meet their foster carer and medical consultant and then make your decision. This is taken to another panel (matching panel) made up normally of the same people as before. Again you are asked why you want to adopt and why this child and then a decision is made yes/no. Again it is unlikely to be a no if you go to panel. Next stage is the exciting and scary part...you meet your daughter/son. For us it was over a week, firstly just for an hour or so until finishing with a stopover at our house. At the end the child's care switches to you and you take him/her home with support from visits from your social worker for a while. After that you have a court date set, normally 6 months or so later but when you are ready, when your child becomes legally yours.

It was the best thing we have ever done

• the cost (UK & International)

In the UK there is no cost

• what background information they request - aware they sometimes ask for a letter from your employer, what about financial status - income, savings etc.

They will want information on your financial position, work, relationship, past relationships, family circle, support network, health, religion etc. My advice is to treat it as a way of discovering something about yourselves. We found it really interesting

• how long the process takes

As I say about a year or so now

• any other relevant useful information (you wish someone had told you!)

Go in with an open mind and a determination to enjoy the process. Remember at the end of the journey is a child that needs a family. You will have days when your scared and days when you have never felt love like what you feel. You don't have to feel that love from day one, believe me it grows, but from our experience of also having a birth child, the adoption journey and our daughter may be slightly different but every bit as amazing

We are complete

I know many countries do not allow same-sex couples to adopt - Eastern European countries, for example, generally don't. Probably your best bet is to contact an agency and have an initial discussion, which won't commit you to anything.

Hi, another same sex adopter here. My honest advice is to go for domestic adoption. International adoption is (rightly, I think) no longer the route to adopting an uncomplicated baby. It has become much more difficult, is much more expensive, and particularly fraught for same sex adopters.

Which is not to say UK adoption is easy. But being lesbian will not hold you back, it will be a simpler and shorter process, and there are support networks for people in your position (see New Family Social website). And fewer ethical worries - though there is no adoption without ethical worries, frankly.

You will probably be considered for children who are Asian, mixed Asian or 'other'. Though ethnic matching is also more relaxed then it used to be.

Foster to adopt is a really good way to go if you want to experience parenting a baby.

Best of luck.

Defo go local. Many mixed heritage children awaiting adoption in Scotland are Anglo Asian.

Your partner doesn't need to be a UK citizen, just to live Here permanently .

Being a same sex couple won't be an issue, either in adopting or on this boards ( loadsa lesbians here )

Try Barnardos ( Edinburgh and Glasgow I think ) as they have lots of LG adopters and have excellent post adoption support. They may not have many babies but worth a phone call / meeting to check .

They have some of the best SW in Scotland.

Otherwise go with a big city social work department , you don't have to go with your local ones.

I should ask roughly where you are on the country ? I know that Fife and Perth and Kinross are placing babies and toddlers on FTA, if you can take the risk.

littlegreen we looked into overseas adoption a few years ago. The costs were very high, the number of counteries that offered overseas adoption were very small and in the end the waiting list was way too long.

We chose to adopt domestically and are very happy that we did.

I always say this to prospective adopters who have not yet had children, have you decided not to go down the assisted conception route? You do not need to answer, of course, but you may be asked a fair bit about this anyway through the process.

I didn't find the process too intrusive at all, but then I like talking about myself! It is quite intense. And we were not asked any questions that I would consider embarrassing etc!

Hello, international adopter here.

I am inclined to agree with the above comments to persuade you to have a closer look at domestic. I am not sure if there are any countries that would allow same sex couple adoption (there may be but it would be unusual). You would still need to go through assessment and home study in the U.K. in order to be approved. I can't imagine that that would be possible to approve only one of you to adopt abroad, ignoring the fact that you have a partner on the scene.

We had close links with the country we adopted from, however we were asked again and again why we wanted to adopt from an orphanage there. You need to have a good answer! The costs have also been enormous - most of them have been on UK home study and various fees to UK government (£2K for visas if adopting from non Hague country!). We have said we will rethink going domestic if we go for a sibling.

We have a wonderful toddler and no regrets at all but it has taken its toll on us emotionally and financially. Have a good reason in your hearts if you want to go the international route.