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Adoption

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Original poster

Prep re Intros at a distance

25 replies

EmilyEloise · 19/02/2017 21:01

Hi, we've due to start intros with a 5 year old boy at a distance, so trying to make sure the house is ready with everything we need. What practical items have people found useful?

OP posts:

Hels20 · 19/02/2017 21:20

Hi Emily - forgive my ignorance but what do you mean "at a distance" and how long for?

CrazyCatLaydee123 · 19/02/2017 21:28

Wet wipes, bath toys and bubble bath, kid's cutlery/plastic plates etc, spill proof cups (my two are 4 but very 'accident prone'), find out from FC if they like any particular music in the car for the journey, crayons and colouring books, plastic stool for bathroom, lockable medicine boxes. Think that's it...

catiscomfybutIneedapee · 19/02/2017 22:15

Lots of spare pants and clothes.

A robust washing machine.

Wellies.

catiscomfybutIneedapee · 19/02/2017 22:21

Plus all the wine and chocolate for you. And any medications you might need, headache pills etc.

Original poster

EmilyEloise · 19/02/2017 22:21

Hi Hels20 - some intros are done locally which means you can return home on an evening, whereas we are going to be staying in a cottage for a week, and, hopefully, will then return with all our luggage and all the child's worldly goods, so we're limited for room to buy any new items that crop up.

Thanks Crazycat - definitely need to go shopping.

OP posts:

catiscomfybutIneedapee · 19/02/2017 22:22

What I did was set up an online shop for the night we got back, then during the week I could add stuff that would be magically arriving as soon as we were home.

tldr · 20/02/2017 01:00

Amazon prime account. I spent the week of intros shopping as and when I realised I needed stuff.

But, if you've got even just one decent late-opening supermarket nearby you'll be fine.

Good luck!

CrazyCatLaydee123 · 20/02/2017 09:55

Oh yes, the tesco delivery for the night you get home is golden. And agree with catis about wellies, take your own and buy him some if he doesn't already have some, which enables lots of nice family walks and puddle jumping!

Rainatnight · 20/02/2017 10:15

I second and third the Amazon Prime account. Our baby girl came home last week and while I thought I was prepared, it's astonishing the amount you realise you need even just after getting to know them a little. And after you find out what is and isn't coming from foster care. For instance - our baby girl came with no teethers. Right in the throes of teething. I just assumed she'd have some in FC and they'd be coming with her...

Obviously your little boy will have all his gnashers but you get the point.

Lots of luck, and enjoy getting to know him.

Rainatnight · 20/02/2017 10:15

Oh, Calpol!

jingscrivenshelpmaboab · 20/02/2017 14:08

We did this two years ago with DS who was then 5. He came with a LOT of stuff from FC (several car loads), far more than we bargained for, so we had to buy additional storage, mostly for toys. The little step for the bathroom is a good suggestion, and we moved a Cd player into his room as he was used to listening to a nursery CD at night. A little mirror at his height in the bathroom (plastic mirror on a sucker) has been useful. Good luck, hope intros go well, but don't feel despondent if it's not plain sailing, it's hard and exhausting so take care of yourselves.

monkeytoad35 · 20/02/2017 16:08

I think you have been given some great suggestions so far. I'd also recommend that you buy a thermometer, little ones seem to be poorly all the time, especially in the winter months and it's so useful having one. We found this out two weeks after our little boy came home to us! Good luck. I hope everything goes well!

Original poster

EmilyEloise · 20/02/2017 22:40

Thanks everyone for your support.
Catis you made me smile - we're getting a very chatty chap so yes the headache pills may do down well with choc and savoury for me.
Bought spare set of clothing from Tesco online - can't understand why they don't sell socks!
We'll do our best to enjoy next week and have fun times ahead.

OP posts:

catiscomfybutIneedapee · 21/02/2017 08:32

I wouldn't set intros up in your head as something enjoyable. If you do enjoy it, then great. But it was immensely false, stressful, difficult being in someone else's home. I felt I was stealing the baby from a happy settled life.

Now, it was certainly the best thing for LO to be adopted by me! And the awfulness of intros had no effect on how cemented we are as a family. It's just one week, out of the rest of your lives. Don't put pressure on to enjoy it.

Original poster

EmilyEloise · 21/02/2017 09:54

Hi Catis Sorry your intros were so difficult for you.
Our lad is keen to move to his forever family but we are aware that he will have losses and will have to manage these.
I'm used to going into people's houses, supporting people in their home and community, but we've very mindful that we'll be in an unfamiliar environment and being assessed the whole time.
For me to get through next week with a successful outcome I want to feel positive and confident, so we'll be as prepared as we can be and I'll put a smile on my face - worked so far, lots of smiles and laughter at panel the other week.

OP posts:

Alljamissweet · 21/02/2017 21:49

Beg, borrow or steal the biggest car you can, we did and only just managed to get everything in. Or have a close friend on standby to do a car load for you.
And Prime.

Original poster

EmilyEloise · 22/02/2017 19:01

Hi Alljam

We had a chat about loading up the car and decided to go with a roof rack - just have to work out how to fit it, going to take some work. SW is back up.

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 22/02/2017 23:30

You don't need to take " all your luggage " , you only need a small bag for you and your partner for the week. You're not on holiday, you just need a few tops and jeans. Whatever you would to take 5yo old to the park /MacDonalds.

Rainatnight · 23/02/2017 06:43

I assumed OP meant they were bringing empty suitcases and putting his things in them to take them back? To avoid the awful kids in care black plastic bag scenario...

Kr1stina · 23/02/2017 07:33

Ah that makes sense. I couldn't understand why they needed so much luggage for a week .

DINKY2016 · 16/04/2017 06:56

We are due to start introductions at a distance too. Any advice from anyone who has done this about how to make an unusual situation as easy as it can possibly be for all concerned? I anticipate it making the introductions process more strained and our child won't see our house til we bring him home...

Claramarion · 16/04/2017 15:01

Id ask the foster carer what she will be sending.
I'm a fc on the other end of this and plan on sending everything with the child as this will help her to with the process as she will have families things around her.

tinks269 · 16/04/2017 20:51

Buy in food you like and can cook easily or needs nothing doing to it for during intros. We did it at a distance too and were living out of a hotel room. We had lots of fruit, sandwich making stuff etc in our room. Housekeeping must have thought we were mad but we didn't have the energy to go anywhere to get food.
Keep every receipt and log every postcode you drive to as you can claim it all back.
One of the best things we did was travel back before AS. So we said goodbye to him in his FC house one afternoon and then drove back home with a very full car. AS came down the following day but it meant we could unpack his stuff and panic buy some stuff before he came to our house.
Lifecake is a free app which we used to share what had been going on daily during intros. We were too tired to phone parents/friends etc so they were set up with lifecake too and we could share photos and posts about each day. We still use it now as an alternative to Facebook for somewhere to share what AS has been up to.
Good luck

tinks269 · 16/04/2017 20:52

Forgot to say take lots of photos and get them printed out (we did this with AS on one of the last days of intros) then when he came home there were lots of photos of him and us all over the house.

DINKY2016 · 17/04/2017 09:18

Thanks, that's really helpful especially the idea about photos. I'm in the process of buying a large freezer and starting to cook and freeze food for introductions and beyond whilst I have time on my hands!

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