We have just been accepted onto stage 1 of the attachment process. So far we have said that we would like a preschool aged child and ideally at the lower end of that age range to ensure that bonds are firmly in place before any major potential challenges arise. We are also open to some additional needs but would want our child to be likely to live independently as an adult. We are also open to the possibility of foster to adopt and accept the uncertainties that could bring but like the fact that it would minimise the trauma experienced by the child. We have done a fair bit of reading and are certainly not going into this totally naively. We understand that some level of emotional and behaviour difficulties at some point are highly likely and are reading lots on attachment parenting. The thing we are both struggling to get our heads around is the possibility of extreme violence. Reading stories about parents being to afraid to sleep in their own homes and being threatened with knives, I'm pretty sure no one would knowingly put themselves in that situation. I also assume that such extreme cases being the extreme are less common and that there is a whole spectrum of experiences. I should say that we also have a birth child so we are making this choice not just for ourselves but for them also.
I guess what I'm asking for is some reassurance alongside the harsh realities of adoption that we know we have to face. Some idea of what those behaviours and difficulties look like for your children. We know several adopters but currently none of their children are experiencing any major emotional or behavioural difficulties, certainly nothing that would concern us in terms of our ability to parent them.
I think this is a bit of a wobble triggered by the process officially starting! I'm hoping this 'am I doing the right thing' is normal!!