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just finished adoption course and head in bits ..did anyone else feel like this? (am single adopter too!)

12 replies

deffonamechange · 07/12/2016 21:56

I am single and finally made the decision to go for it and start the process of applying for adoption.
I have just completed initial 3 day course and my head is in bits. Did anyone else feel like this?
I am excited and lots of positive feelings but also feeling scared, overwhelmed and wondering if I can do it, is it right decision, what ifs? ?

I am worried that maybe I shouldn't be having any of these doubts and negative feelings but then trying to be logical and think it's bound to be a mix of everything.

Did anyone feel like this? Did it work out OK?

OP posts:
tldr · 07/12/2016 22:07

I think if you're not having those feelings/thoughts/doubts either the course was crap or you weren't listening tbh!

It's a lot to process. My head was a wreck and we only did a day a week - I can't imagine having done three days back to back.

Keep processing it, keep thinking about it, keep reading about stuff, come ask us questions here.

giraffessay · 07/12/2016 22:26

I struggled at each part of the process, but by taking in it small chunks, got through.

The worst part was immediately before intros, when the LA were useless.

It's hard doing all the thinking on your own, but if you're a single adopter, you have to get used to a certain independence.

Now I have my child home, it really was all worth it.

RatherBeIndoors · 07/12/2016 23:08

I found it helped having one very close friend who I asked to be my "offload" person - someone I could confidentially wibble at a bit when all the training and reading and nerves were going endlessly round in my head. Having anxieties and doubts, acknowledging them and reflecting on them - these are all good responses to the enormity of what you're starting out on.

If you had no concerns or doubts about your capacity after your prep course, a SW would be worried Grin It's what you do with those worries that counts, and no-one can tell you the right thing for you. Good luck with your next steps!

dibly · 07/12/2016 23:19

Yep, felt totally overwhelmed. Bit it is a big deal, so they need to prepare you. 2.5 years in we wouldn't change a thing (except maybe our LA!) but the wobbles are totally normal. Good luck!

JustHappy3 · 08/12/2016 08:20

Yup. I would be very very concerned if i knew anyone had been on that course and wasn't! (Though sadly there are adopters out there who go on the courses then ignore everything they have learnt.)
Be kind to yourself - give yourself time to process it all over next few weeks.
I found it helped to write down how i was feeling - scary thoughts and all. Would share these with the social worker we got allocated later on. Got unbelievably good feedback at the end of the whole thing about how honest i was.

Maximummonkey · 08/12/2016 09:41

Oh yes. I remember that feeling so well, and it was ages ago that we went on our course, the feeling of being totally overwhelmed by it all. I agree that I'd does take a long time to process and all you will be thinking from now on is adoption related things.
Good luck with it all, was the best and the worst of experiences for us.

Rainatnight · 08/12/2016 09:50

Totally normal, it's such a lot of new information to take on, with massive ramifications for your life. As others have said, if it didn't make you think, something would be going wrong!

And agree, it's really vital to have an outlet, someone to talk to to download it all and make sense of it.

deffonamechange · 08/12/2016 15:31

Thanks so much for all your replies. That helps loads.

OP posts:
MintyLizzy9 · 08/12/2016 22:02

I think I cried myself to sleep every night of the six sessions I had! I doubted myself and my abilities (still do some days!) and wondered how the hell I could do this by myself, I had felt so certain when I first applied and it made me doubt myself massively.

It's a long process and after my initial panic I took each stage as it came and digested everything knowing that until there was an actual child involved I could always walk away if I needed to. The further in I got the more confident I became that this was right for me.

I found the entire process a headfuck and each stage got harder and harder to deal with. My advice is to take one step at a time, it's a lot to take in no matter how much research you did prior to the training. It's not supposed to be easy, its the warts an all reality. I tell anyone who asks me that adoption prep/assessment is SS basically spending six months trying to put you off adopting!

Lovelylolz · 08/12/2016 22:26

Yes we found the prep groups very difficult too. Infact during the break at the second class it was the unanimous feeling of everyone there that we were all in shock after the hard truths of the first session. If we didn't know people who have adopted and who have been adopted they would have put us off.

Good luck with your journey.

princesspeppa · 09/12/2016 20:38

I'm a single adopter, but also a foster carer. So I had an idea of what the adoption prep course might be like. I have to say that it was pretty much doom and gloom! Yes as potential adopters we need to be made aware of the possible difficulties of rearing adopted children. But some encouragement wouldn't have gone amiss. Stick with it, only you can make the final decision if its for you. I had a rough journey, an awful experience to go through, but it was definitely worth it in the end. My child is a joy. Yes I know the questions will come as my child gets older, but these will be addressed as best as I can. There is a wealth of valuable advise on this site from more experienced adopters. Good luck.

OlennasWimple · 11/12/2016 02:39

Prep group was awful! Brilliant in doing what it was supposed to do, but yes, I felt terrible afterwards. As a pp said upthread, if you didn't feel like this, you wouldn't have understood what you were signed up for

I totally take my hat off to single adopters


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