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Adoption

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First Christmas? Warning if yours remember last year

5 replies

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 02/12/2016 09:21

When we adopted our DDs, DD1 was already 8, and had had the previous 2 Christmases in foster care.

She was in tears a couple of weeks before Christmas... We had been discussing with her what would happen on Christmas Day. We had mentioned she would get her stocking first thing in the morning, and later presents from the family. It transpired that in foster care she had (quite a few) presents from Santa, as well as foster care family etc. Why wasn't Santa going to care enough about her to bring her proper presents this year? (Santa hadn't brought her presents for the first 5 years because they kept moving around so didn't know where she was Xmas Sad ).

We sorted it by explaining that the extra presents in care were to make up for the years of missing presents, and now she had us. We hadn't even realised that in some families Santa brings big presents too (!)

So my warning is that if your new child is old enough to remember previous Christmases, please check in advance what their expectations might be so you can adjust theirs (or yours) accordingly.

And enjoy your first Christmas together! Xmas Smile

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flapjackfairy · 02/12/2016 18:41

Thanks under for sharing your experiences. Doesnt apply to our newly adopted son as he isnt able to understand christmas but you make some interesting points that would never have occured to me so I am sure others will find it useful.
I hope you and yours have a great (and hopefully peaceful) christmas x

giraffessay · 02/12/2016 18:46

Would a child in foster care get large "santa" presents because of the gift allowance from the LA? So they can't say "it's from us", because the money is allowance money?

flapjackfairy · 02/12/2016 18:57

We are fc and adoptors. We dont do santa presents as such just label them from us. And we spoil them just like any other parent would. No distinction made between birth, foster or adopted in this house and the same for most fc i know.
Ps we dont get a gift allowance it just comes out of our household income.

giraffessay · 02/12/2016 19:04

A significant number of LAs do give a Christmas allowance, though.

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 02/12/2016 20:40

I suspect in our case it was just different family traditions.

I'm just so glad we have the conversation a couple of weeks in advance rather than on Christmas Eve or Christmas morning!

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