Hi ,
our bc was 5 when we started the process . finding books was difficult as lots seemed to say "because mummy and daddy couldnt have a baby ! when we had our bc just seemed wrong .
we came across a book in the library "the odd egg" by emily gravett . its quite simple also "the cow that laid an egg" .
we talked with our 3 year old about adoption and it was a firm no from her , then at 5 she said would like a brother or sister, we told her that mummys body wouldnt make babies anymore and talked more about adoption.
I know there may be some who feel children shouldnt have a say about adoption as you wouldnt ask them if its ok to have another birth child , but as the adoption process is actively looking for a child for a long time and is very intrusive then we felt we had to listen to what she wanted as well for it to work .
from assessment to being matched was nearly 2 years with sw meeting our dd very early in the process and it was hard managing our dd expectations , particuarly when they kept turning up without her new sister , and yes we let her chose to have a sister .She also found it hard to keep answering the same questions and eventually refused to answer because she said " do i answer it wrong because they keep asking the same questions !" which was a very good point imho
now 2 years post adoption they are super close , there is a 6 year age gap which works really well as eldest is old enough to be involved with caring for her toddler sister , in fact youngest will ask for sister to change nappy , apply cream etc , and when i asked eldest if that was ok she said "it is an honour ! " :)
Usual worries with me when going from 1:2 , would i love the same , yes i do ! would i miss alone time with eldest , yes , but we make it happen. its been amazing and all the stress of the process has been filed away and we fell absolutely amazing to have two absolutely gorgous children who get on so well x