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Timing of intros - advice needed!

16 replies

Acorn44 · 07/10/2016 18:01

After the first 24 hours of elation after finding out we're officially linked to our LO, I'm now having a bit of a panic about intros and could do with your advice.

MP will be late November, and intros starting 6th December. While this does mean we'll have LO's first Christmas with us which is obviously a wonderful thought, I'm now a bit worried that it's too close to Christmas?

My worry is compounded by the fact I'm a teacher and am usually exhausted by December (especially when this time it'll mean preparing for my paternal leave cover teacher as well).

Usually our LA avoid intros in December, but due to LO's age (6 months) they wanted to go ahead, rather than waiting a month until January when SWs will be back at work again.

Do you think I am worrying unnecessarily? Are we better to keep quiet and go along with everything, or should I push for a January date when things are calmer? (This would also give my school a bit longer to find a teacher to cover me).

Dont get me wrong, we're ridiculously excited and have no doubts at all.
We just want to make sure we get the planning right.

Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
RatherBeIndoors · 07/10/2016 18:28

I would go ahead with the schedule as suggested - the sooner your LO joins your family, the sooner you start building your bond together. An extra month in FC is a very long time for a child that young, especially as a proportion of their age. I might answer differently if there was a big immovable event like a surgical operation or something, but otherwise I would get going as soon as you can. School will cope, the world won't end, especially if you're telling them now about the matching panel date (though you don't have to).p
Your LO will be too small to notice Christmas, and this time around you'll be too tired Grin so it's just an arbitrary calendar date. But by proceeding, you get to have photos of your LO's very first Christmas in your home, which is something special not to miss out on just due to jobs/other people.
Good luck at matching panel!

luckylucky24 · 07/10/2016 18:29

If you really cannot do it now then move. I suspect however you may regret missing his first xmas and any other milestones he may hit between now and December. For us every extra day we had been told to wait was torture. We actually complained at the possibility that we may miss lo first birthday even though it meant I will miss some very important family celebrations in order to let her settle in. If you know your family will accept not seeing you at xmas I would go for it.

Acorn44 · 07/10/2016 18:52

Thanks - really good points made and I am beginning to think I have over thought this. I guess I just know that usually, come Dec., I have a stinking cold and am totally knackered, so was worried that wasnt the best start to intros. I hadnt thought about how I'd feel, knackered or not, if we didnt have LO on Christmas Day!

I'm beginning to think the best way forward is to ask for my adoption to leave to start several days pre intros, so I have time to mentally detach from work and get everything LO ready. There are no planned meetings post MP, apparently (all before, starting this week) so maybe I'd be allowed to use my five appointments days for this? Or is that pushing it too far?!!

Very small family, all very local, so Christmas is never a big deal. With intros that early, it would mean DP would be back at work all over Christmas/NY though, so I'd be on my own with LO.

By the way, 'paternal leave'? I meant 'parental'!

Thanks again for responding.

OP posts:
RatherBeIndoors · 07/10/2016 18:57

You might have a stinking cold and be knackered in intros in January too Wink If you can manage a few days' breathing space between intros starting and the end of work, that's often very useful whatever you label it for work if only to stock the freezer and clear the decks!

luckylucky24 · 07/10/2016 19:19

I took a week annual leave between mp and intro's (only worked two days post panel). It was very useful. I managed to batch cook some meals and clean the house. Also had a couple hours to recharge batteries. You are entitled to start a-leave up to two weeks before a child is placed with you so shouldn't have any problems.

dimples76 · 07/10/2016 19:37

Our intros started 8th December and I am a lecturer. MP Wednesday,, last day of work Friday, Intros on the Monday. On the Sunday (the day before Intros) my Mum organised a surprise party at my house! Yes, I was exhausted but I wouldn't have done anything differently.

Yes, in an ideal world it would have been better earlier or later but you make it work.

Many congratulations and best of luck!

thefamilyvonstrop · 07/10/2016 19:40

I would also work on the assumption that you will all be poorly and run down regardless! I've never had as many colds / infections as the first 2 months. Stock up on lemsips and hankies now - a couple of sloppy kisses and sneezes from your new family member and your immune system will be reeling.
If you can get a couple of days off in advance, I think you'd find it beneficial. I logged off my laptop mid presentation and launched into intros and I did struggle mentally to readjust and just let work go.

Italiangreyhound · 07/10/2016 22:05

Acorn re " I'm now a bit worried that it's too close to Christmas?" It's not, so don't worry. Basically, exactly what others have said. Adopting a six month old baby is very rare, the social workers want to get the baby home to you as soon as possible, please do not get in their way.

"I'm usually exhausted by December (especially when this time it'll mean preparing for my paternal leave cover teacher as well)." you will be tired whatever. Get earlier leave if you can.

Re "Are we better to keep quiet and go along with everything, or should I push for a January date when things are calmer? (This would also give my school a bit longer to find a teacher to cover me)." please, please do not worry about your school, they will cope. Prepare to bring home your little one.

Congratulations. Do not miss their first Christmas unless it is something very major. Thanks

Thefishewife · 07/10/2016 22:14

If you wait yu may not get linked until January or February the sw will be off for christams and may not get there arse in to gear until then

We were matched and started intros in December she was one and didn't really have a clue about christams she was to busy being scared about being with strangers

Acorn44 · 07/10/2016 22:45

Thanks all. You're absolutely right. Decision made: he will be home for Christmas!

I had a vision of finishing school work/carol service half eight one evening and starting intros eight the next morning. On a residential at half term so wouldn't have felt mentally ready, like Familyvonstropp experienced. Didn't quite register that I could have a few days in between! Blush

Thanks again for putting this into perspective. We only heard about LO a week or so ago, and are now linked (after so many declines) so it's all a bit surreal, especially as we thought we didn't stand a chance of being linked with a baby. Even typing that gives me butterflies!

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 08/10/2016 03:12


CrazyCatLaydee123 · 08/10/2016 09:52

Congrats on your link! We have just been linked too, also MP late November, but as they are 3 & 4 intros will be after xmas. However, we will have "soft contact" before Xmas (meeting them for an hour or so on the weekends). Very exciting!

MintyLizzy9 · 08/10/2016 14:52

Congrats! DS came home on the second week of December when he was 23 months and it was fine. A good excuse for a nice Christmas with just yourselves. Mine was very low key, didn't even have a Xmas tree just a few decs and presents and it was bliss. There was talk at MP of delaying placement until new year and my heart sank, the thought of him still being in FC during the first Christmas is was actually noticing things was Sad.

Re feeling sick and tired now......consider it a warm up Grin

Kr1stina · 09/10/2016 16:11

Your baby will be 8 months old . You don't have to do Christmas if you don't want to, it's not compulsory. Baby won't care .

Take a few photos for the album besides granny's tree. Sorted .

Rainatnight · 09/10/2016 20:16

That totally sounds like the right decision. We're linked with a baby and possibly running along the same timescales as you. I'm completely and utterly knackered from work and will only be worse before Christmas but am convinced that the earlier she was able to come home to us the better (IF we're matched).

Taking a few days off beforehand is a really good idea - I'm stealing that!

booh1276 · 14/10/2016 21:59

If you decide to postpone intros you may not get a yes at matching panel.

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