Adopting a child who has the same name as my other child...

[ElliotTheCat]

We have a son named Aidan. We are going through the process of adopting a little boy named Ayden.

We have spoken to a few people about it, asking if he could be Hayden (I know it's still similar, but at least it's different) but they said no, which is fair enough. He has no middle name. I'm thinking of using the NN Denny? Hoping he doesn't mind? I don't know how he'll feel about it. He's primary school age (won't give the exact)...

I've spoken to my son about potentially being Dan, but he's having none of it. He's 11... He is going to secondary school next year, so it would have been a perfect time for him to be known by a different name. However, I appreciate his wishes need to be taken seriously too.

I have no idea how this is going to work...

Kr1stina's post at... Thu 22-Sep-16 11:42:45 definitely says what I think. Especially "They are the ones who will have to deal with this for the next 80 years . Not you, not Aidens birth mum , and not the SW."

It's funny i was mulling this over too and I wondered about using a middle name. If the child has a middle name, no matter how lovely or non lovely, it is also a part of him. The middle name and first name, maybe revered, as Krisitna says, could be the way forward.

It seems really strange at first but I bet you'd get used to having two with the same name. Maybe it means that it's meant to be rather than the opposite. In time nicknames may appear naturally.

Thanks all.

The names work in the same way as Aidan and Aidan. With the idea of the endings being the NNs, etc.

It's a name that is just hard to get a NN from. He doesn't have a middle name, neither does my son I wish I gave him one now! As Ayden James (for example) and Aidan George (again, for example) would have been better to begin with, then once he was settled, could have become AJ, etc.

I really don't know how to move forward with it, adding middle names would be good, but how would potentially LO feel about having a new name in there, who picks it, etc.? He is in KS1, so 5-7. My son would love to pick a middle name, so I wouldn't have an issue with him, but he probably wouldn't ever use it all the time, only when I use them, for when potential DS2 first joins the family.

It definitely looks like it could work.

I'd seriously hate to discard him on his name, for both of our sakes. I'd find it very hard to let him go and I'd hate for him to spend the rest of his life in foster homes, when we're here, perfect for him, loving him, etc.

Of course, there's still quite a long journey ahead, but not that far, especially as he seems like such an amazing match.

Why don't you give both of them middle names? You could change your son's name by deed poll at the same time that you apply for the adoption order...

That's what I'm thinking

I know two families who adopted a school aged child ( slightly older than the child you are considering ) and changed aspects of the names. This was done entirely because the children wanted to do so, the parents were perfectly happy with the names the children had already.

One child didn't have a middle name and wanted to choose one. The child made a list of all the ones they liked and discussed with parents and they came to an agreement . Child also asked some of her friends , who asked their own parents for input so the most unsuitable choices eg Barbie , My Little Pony ,were gradually weeded out

The other child hated their own first name ( because it had been chosen by the person who abused them ) and wanted to change it completely. Eventually the parents persuaded her to just have a slightly diffent version of it rather than a dramatic change eg Ellie Mae to Eleanor

Both kids now adults and are happy with the choices they made .

Eliot our son came with a middle name and we added a second middle name. Ds loved his new middle name and hated his old middle name, but we kept both. He is now happy with all his names!

How are your plans going OP? Hope it's coming together for u xx

Does it matter? It's unconventional and not desirable, but I think it really isn't the end of the world and it would be unfair to change their names.

My brother is Sam. When he was 11 my mum remarried a man with a son called Sam. We all lived together and it was fine, everyone knew who was being referred to.

If Ayden is otherwise a perfect fit, I think it isn't an insurmountable problem.

Heron , I'm assuming that your brother Sam and your step brother Sam had different surnames, so it was only the first name that was the same.

Also I think that most people could understand why step siblings had the same name, whereas it's very difficult to explain why siblings have the same name, without having to explain that one is adopted .

" this is my step brother, Samuel Jones "
" so you are Sam Smith and he's Samuel Jones ? "
" yes that's right, my mum married his dad when I was 11 and Samuel was 15"
" wow, was that confusing growing up ? "
" no we soon got used to it , he's Samuel / SJ and I'm always Sam "
" cool"

Most people don't mind telling people they are step siblings. It's very common and there's no stigma . No one ever asks kids why their parents got divorced / remarried .

Its different with adoption. It's not that common, people are often very nosey and ask inappropriate questions.

Then children concerned have a right to privacy. It's not fair to put them in a position where they have to tell everyone at school, Cubs, football as kids and then everyone who knows them both for the rest of their lives .

" This is my brother Sam Jones "
" Ha ha very funny "
" no seriously , he's my brother and we are both called Sam Jones "
" Okayyyy, I guess your parents really liked the name , huh"

< weird look >

" my parents adopted him when he was 4 " ( total breach of confidentiality by brother ) or

" I was adopted when I was 4" . Followed by

" so he's not you real brother then? "
" why didn't your parents want you? "
" What do you know about your real parents ? "

Etc etc for the next 75 years

How are things going OP?

It's not that is matters to op but people will think your a bloody loon naming both your children the same name I mean seriously it may alert people to think your not well

Then every time you will have to explained one child is adopted then witch child is your birth child

Middle name foe me or call home ade