Choco - lots of birth family members have never heard of the registers . They may avoid programmes like davinas becaue it's too painful for them .
Some are worried about upsetting their adult child's life. They mistakenly belive that most adoptees don't even know that they are adopted and they don't want to set off a bomb in someone's life .
Others are ashamed and embarrassed about the circumstances that led to their child being adopted. They fear that their biological child and / or other in their life now would judge them harshly . Again i think that's generally wrong .
Many are convinced that the adoptive parents will have taught their child that they are Evil and they will have been told lies about them . I don't need to tell you that's hardly ever the case, in fact most adopters strive to put the most postive interpretation possible on their child's story .
Lots of mothers deal with their loss by simply putting it out of their minds and pretending it never happened. It's their coping strategy . Now in their 40s , 50s or 60s , probably with more children , they feel like a different person from the one who did all these things years ago .
And of course some have led loves scarred by the very reasons that led to the loss of their child - mental health problems, addictions, domestic violence .
Some simply don't give a flying fuck but I do think they are in the minority .
Some adoptees find it helpful to get the adoption file from the agency and the court papers from the registrar generals office. They give more background information, which can sometimes be upsetting ( in content or tone) but is usually worthwhile .