Adopting For a Second time - anyone regretted it?

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We are currently contemplating this - DS been with us for 3 years and me and DH feel a bit like it is now or never. Slightly worried that we may be getting too old if it doesn't happen soon (for some reason been thinking about retirement this last week - must be the school holidays and the lovely weather and the freedom retirement would bring!).

Anyway - I can't quite decide whether it is a good idea or not. I have always wanted another child/ large family but life didn't quite have that plan. My main concern is age (I am 40ish, DH a fair bit older) and whether we would be "lucky" second time round as we feel that our DS is pretty perfect (he isn't but he is for us) - I feel as though we are throwing the dice again and it could turn into a nightmare. I know some people on this board have adopted more than once but does anyone regret it? If so, why? Anyone else got cold feet about adopting again but plunged ahead and it went ok?

I like my life at the moment and DS enriches it beyond anything. i do feel incredibly lucky. So I have been thinking - why upset the apple cart? (except I do want another child!).

Sorry this is rambling.

Thanks for answering. It’s good to hear you feel positive about it x

Thank you so much for your honest reply. I’m feeling a lot more positive about it now. I’ll post the forms off tomorrow x

I was just going to ask what the outcome of your decision was as I have just joined the thread as a new member, and a single adopter wanting to adopt again.

My 9 year old is desperate for another child and my never ending wish for another hasn't diminished since I had him at 16 months. My son is a true blessing and I wonder, like you did, could I ever be that lucky and take the biggest leap of faith needed to do this again.

I am glad to hear you have no regrets and I imagine many adopters will ponder the decisions they have made given it is such a deliberate and chosen path to becoming a parent.

I am due to talk it all through with a social worker very soon and hoping that will help with the next steps, whatever they may be.

Hi, just joined and picked up on this thread as a single adoptive mum of a 9 year old and wanting to adopt again. Did you decide to go ahead in the end and if you did how are you doing?

2old2beamum here (mumsnet refused my name after internet crashed). We have adopted 8, 3 sadly died and regret nothing. However number 8 is far more complicated than we anticipated but no we do not regret having her at all despite being very hard work!
Good luck to you all.

Hello - we are 2 years in now - adopting second time round. 4 year age gap and it has been very very hard - but I think it’s becahse Ds1 has struggled with his own adoption. He does have a lovely relationship with DS2 and I hope they will have each other as they grow up and get older. It’s been very very hard though. Although no regrets...

Hi OP,
We adopted our DS 6 years ago (aged 9 months) and we feel we have been incredibly lucky too.

We're currently going through the adoption process for a second time (Panel in a couple of months) and we had to think long and hard about it. I'm 53 & DW is 42 which we had to take into consideration and we really didn't want to upset the family balance (sound familiar?).

The agency have been fantastic throughout. They understand our concerns and will be doing everything they can to match us with a child (2-4yo) who will fit our family. Obviously they will have suffered trauma which may need therapeutic parenting to a greater or lesser degree but we are still hopeful of being 'lucky' a second time and having a successful outcome.

Good luck.

Ps - I do feel we were “lucky”. Our second Ds is just as gorgeous as her first - for different reasons. It’s made our family feel complete.

I am so pleased for you.
Best wishes from a balmy but very happy family

BARMY stupid auto correct!

We have a 7 yo son from Ethiopia who has significant mental health struggles. He is the best thing in the world to ever happen to us but his PTSD meltdowns are exhausting. Early this year we met with social services about doing foster care/possibly foster to adopt. After meeting with the social worker (who was lovely) I decided to call it off. My reasoning was a few things. The most important was my husband works insane hours so it would primarily just be me with two special needs children and I couldn't justify that being a healthy situation for myself or the children. I think the most important thing is my obligation to my son and I would like to live a long and healthy life. While there are no guarantees, adding more stress is certainly not going to help my longevity. The second huge reason was my son will graduate school when I am 50. I feel like that is young enough for me to have a new chapter to my life. I have no clue what I want to do when that happens but I like the idea of having the opportunity for something new.

I know most people usually say to go for it, and I'm not saying you shouldn't but I think it's good to look at what you'd like your future to look like. If you love the idea of more children, and have a good support network I think you should go for it! It's ok to choose not to as well.