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Has anyone adopted a second child who was older that the first?

5 replies

Georgi24 · 13/06/2016 16:08

My partner and I adopted our son from birth he has just turned 2 years of age, we are now going through the process again and this time we have been told that our second child must be 2 years younger than our son. I would be interested to hear if anyone has managed to adopt a older child? Thanks G

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UnderTheNameOfSanders · 13/06/2016 17:56

I would be very surprised if you get anyone to agree to this unless there are very special extenuating circumstances.
The prevailing wisdom is that the placed child should be the youngest by (at least) 2 years so as not to upset dynamics.
I'm sure someone more knowledgeable than I am will be along in a bit.

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RosieandJim89 · 13/06/2016 19:42

As said, the child must be 2 years younger to maintain a natural order within the family. This does make sense when you think about it. Your child is much less likely to appreciate an older child coming in and taking over even though they were there first. I know I would be pissed!
In the US there are no such regulations.

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Italiangreyhound · 13/06/2016 21:43

Georgi24 I will be most surprised if you meet anyone in real life, or on line, who has adopted a child older than an existing child.

There are very good reasons to keep the order of arrival in line withe age.

As mentioned before your first child will feel their nose is very firmly out of joint by arrival of an older sibling, even if they were to say they would like a big brother or sister!

An older child might come with 'naughty' or even sexualised behavioour. Your son would be at a very unfair advantage against an older child with such behaviour. He needs to be the oldest and the biggest physically. His younger siblings behaviour needs to be an annoyance to him and not a threat.

You will need to wait until he is a bit older but make it clear to social worker you are looking. You could ask about concurrent planning or foster to adopt or something if you wanted a new-born but be aware there can be risks that the child will not end up being freed for adoption.

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Italiangreyhound · 13/06/2016 21:45

unfair disadvantage

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Kr1stina · 14/06/2016 21:17

What country do you live in Georgi ? Because each country or even state has its own rules about adoption .

Have you approached the agency you used when you adopted your son?