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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.


How to meet other local adopters?

24 replies

JDL13 · 20/05/2016 19:45

Just wondering how anybody out there has met other local adopters other than via their local authority? We are 2 years in to a very successful adoption but recently I've started to feel, not isolated exactly but in need of other adoptive Mums to talk to. I'm surrounded by Mums but always feel 'different'. Don't get me wrong I'm blessed to have my gorgeous DD and I wonder constantly what we did right to have such a gorgeous little star in our midst.

Also think it would be great for DD to make friends with other adopted children around her age, as moving forward she may need to talk to other people who know how she's feeling.

I'm never keen on sharing too much info with people I don't know well so not sure how to go about it? I've been on lots of local authority events and never met anyone who I've really gelled with.

I've seen a notice board on the 'Adoption UK' web site where you can meet other Mums but not sure! Has anyone out there met anyone like that? Any ideas would be lovely

Thank you in advance :-)

OP posts:
CrazyCatLaydee123 · 20/05/2016 20:00

We have a local adoption support group that meets monthly and puts on events for the children. Our SW has also 'buddied' us with a family who adopted last year who she thought we would get on well with. Both are really helpful. Have you checked to see if there is anything similar in your area?

RosieandJim89 · 20/05/2016 21:05

Our local authority has coffee mornings but they are not advertised, you have to ask. They are held at a surestart I think. They may have other groups too but they are not advertised for confidentiality reasons.

MintyLizzy9 · 20/05/2016 21:28

The amazing lady at my sure start who ran playgroups across the area invited another local adopter to my group, kids similar age and both placed a month apart so we are at the same stage. It's lovely having someone local and we meet up with the kids regularly. My LA also does a coffee morning but I haven't ventured yet!

JDL13 · 20/05/2016 21:42

Our local Authority is useless, so useless that we didn't use them for our adoption journey, long story but we went with another authority. They are too far away to make it viable to attend their events although they don't have many either!

Thanks for coming back to me all of you :-).

Think I will contact my LA to see if they can help, but not holding out much hope! If they did coffee mornings would give them a go but they don't do anything like that :-(. I'm on their mailing list and frankly it's not worth sending the emails!

OP posts:
RatherBeIndoors · 20/05/2016 22:14

I see why there would be an issue with distance since you went with a further away LA. Most of my adoptive family friends are from our prep training group pre-approval, and while we don't see each other lots, we do make an effort to keep in contact for those times when we need to talk about issues we'll all just "get". My best adopter friend is someone I met kind of by chance, in that their child joined the same nursery as mine - and because I had been fairly full-on very pushy with nursery about what LO needed due to their life situation, it was no secret we were an adoptive family, so they asked if I would be willing to befriend the new family. Really glad I said yes, because that mum is a great friend now.

Maybe see if any nearby LA or VA hosts buddying schemes, even if they don't have a calendar of events? Depending on where you are, there's also PAC, The Open Nest, Family well as Adoption UK that you already mentioned.

PoppyStellar · 20/05/2016 22:20

An organisation called after adoption run social events (usually free or low cost) for adoptive families to meet and socialise. I think the events are arranged by region. I have been to a few, they are usually good fun, the kids get to meet other adopted kids and parents get to meet other adoptive parents.

Another suggestion is to speak to your child's school or nursery (if you are at that age yet) and let them know that you would be happy for them to pass on your contact email or phone number to any other post LAC pupil premium families. I discovered a few families at school this way and we've built up a good local social network from this. From feeling like I was the only person who'd become an adoptive parent in my area I've discovered there's actually quite a few of us quite close by.

PoppyStellar · 20/05/2016 22:28

Realised I have cross posted with ratherbeindoors as I am such a slow typer... But echo what she says. I met my 'best' adoptive mum friend by being pushy / gobby / vocal whatever you want to call it with school about DD's needs and they then invited all their adoptive parents in to talk about how best to use the post LAC PP.

researchbookworm · 20/05/2016 23:15

Adoption link has an online chat area. You have to create a profile to use it, then it tells you how far away the other posters live from you without revealing exact locations. Although most of the users are prospective adopters there are quite a few second timers or people like yourself just wanting to network. I met a couple of people on it by direct messaging anyone within a 10 mile radius!

JDL13 · 21/05/2016 08:57

Oh wow thanks everybody some good ideas and lots of organisations I've never heard of. Will write things down and get cracking later this evening when DD asleep!

RatherBeIndoors what does VA stand for?! LO little one?? New at all this!

OP posts:
RatherBeIndoors · 21/05/2016 09:48

Sorry - lazy typing by me! Voluntary agency (so if you were approved by an agency other than your local authority).

undersoap · 23/05/2016 09:46

Just to echo what someone said up-thread, LinkMaker (Adoption Link) has a 'Playdate finder' element to it, so you make your profile and put a bit of info about yourself and the kind of people you're wanting to meet (eg. Age of children) and it gives you the opportunity to message people that are a certain distance from (or near!) you.

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 23/05/2016 10:21

We used AUK meet ups.

But also I have found by being open about their adoptive status other adoptive parents keep crawling out of the woodwork. i.e. People know ours are adopted so tell us their's is too or whatever.

tybalt22 · 23/05/2016 12:38

We were buddies with another same sex couple we haven't been matched yet but they have 2 LOs, our agency made the connection. I also tend to get contact details from anyone I find interesting as I know they'll be a good resource once we are matched and I want my LO to know other adopted children.

JDL13 · 23/05/2016 16:38

I've looked at Adoption UK can't seem to find the meeting bit! Will have to look at it again!

Although I'm quite open about DDs adoption I sort of feel its her information if she wants to share it - Unlikely as she is under 5 I know!

Really hope we meet other couples with adopted child/ren DDs age :-) Thanks again everyone...

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 23/05/2016 17:58

IN my experience you develop a weird second site sometimes and end up gravitating to other adoptive families! Also try MN - some of us might be local.

Kewcumber · 23/05/2016 18:47

second site?! sight.

UnderTheNameOfSanders · 23/05/2016 18:52

Kew go and pack!

Kewcumber · 23/05/2016 19:25

Ha - I am flitting between PC, work and cleaning and packing. I am a little frazzled.

JDL13 · 23/05/2016 20:13

I wouldn't have the first idea how to find out if any of you were local!!

OP posts:
PoppyStellar · 24/05/2016 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tldr · 24/05/2016 00:47

If you were willing you could post a vague location here and anyone local who wanted to could get in touch by pm.

My LA runs drop in sessions which are kind of play groupy. Does the LA where you live have similar?

JDL13 · 24/05/2016 15:45

Tidr not sure I would dare!!

OP posts:
tldr · 24/05/2016 15:58

Not sure I would either. Grin

CrazyCatLaydee123 · 24/05/2016 18:27

You could always start you own?

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