Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Adoption

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on adoption.

Flip

Original poster

Meeting baby soon...

24 replies

talllikejerryhall · 10/05/2016 15:26

And feel desperately anxious... Not about meeting her - I am so excited to meet her, my husband and I have been busy getting the house ready, talking about her, thinking about what's it's going to be like with a three-month old baby in the house.

But i am nervous that somehow it will go wrong before we do. I think I have internalised some anxiety surrounding uncertainty around foster to adopt, and now I am so worried that it will fall through before we meet her.

Is this normal?

OP posts:

ChocolateJam · 10/05/2016 15:34

I think if you were totally cool, calm and collected under these circumstances I would be doubting your sanity. Yes, anxiety is normal.

Original poster

talllikejerryhall · 10/05/2016 16:24

I am working and it's quiet and it's the absolute worst thing, because I can't really distract myself and I am just freaking out, worrying that they are going to call me and tell me that it's all off, that they've made a mistake...

The tension is just unbearable :-(

OP posts:

lateforeverything · 10/05/2016 17:50

Good luck with everything! How soon is 'soon'? Hope all goes well

Original poster

talllikejerryhall · 11/05/2016 08:06

Meeting her tomorrow!

Feeling more calm and measured today

OP posts:

Mollybird1 · 11/05/2016 09:42

Oh good luck!! Are you fostering to adopt? We were approved in Nov and still waiting. Would def consider foster to adopt. Let us know how it all goes. Be thinking of you!

Original poster

talllikejerryhall · 11/05/2016 10:33

Thank you so much! Yes, foster to adopt placement - we were approved for over a year (March 2015) and then we got the call about two months and everything has gone incredibly quick from that moment...

Am just trying to get everything ready and trying to remember how it all works (my DS is 11 so a little out of practice!)

For example, I bought a Micralite Supalite buggy, but now that it's arrived, I am worried that this is way too advanced for a three-month old. Anyone care to advise? Do I need a proper pram? Or maybe I should just wait to speak to her foster carer tomorrow! Eek!

OP posts:

lateforeverything · 11/05/2016 12:47

Oh wow, that's so exciting!!!

Afraid I can't advise re: pram as I took on dss aged 2...

All the best

MypocketsarelikeNarnia · 11/05/2016 13:45

I'd go and have a chat to the pram huns about the pram. And I'd get an ergo sling so you can have constant cuddles :)

MypocketsarelikeNarnia · 11/05/2016 13:51

Here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pushchair_chat

ChocolateJam · 11/05/2016 18:22

Good luck!

bostonkremekrazy · 11/05/2016 23:46

microlites are suitable from 6 months only, hope that helps and good luck!

Original poster

talllikejerryhall · 12/05/2016 07:26

Thank you all!

OP posts:

Zephyroux1 · 12/05/2016 17:24

Good luck and enjoy every second my fta baby is now 5 months and the time has flown...came at 1 day old. My best advice would be to keep a diary and second the suggestion to get an ergo!

Asuitablemum · 12/05/2016 22:17

How wonderful! How did it go?

Original poster

talllikejerryhall · 13/05/2016 07:38

It was amazing! Seriously could not have gone better... There was just this wonderful sense of rightness and all my nerves evaporated!

Introducing her to her big brother today - will keep you all posted on how that goes :-)

OP posts:

lateforeverything · 13/05/2016 08:01

How fantastic!! So happy to read that. ❤

Asuitablemum · 13/05/2016 12:32

How lovely, great news.

Mollybird1 · 13/05/2016 18:43

So glad it went well!! As I said in previous post, we are open to foster to adopt too. I just feel a bit anxious incase we have to give the baby back for whatever reason! We have a 7 year old birth daughter and I'm worried how she will take it if it does have to go back. So your introducing it as his new sister straight away?

Original poster

talllikejerryhall · 13/05/2016 21:21

No, we've been told to explain the fact that we are looking after her for now... But even with the warning and the care we've taken with this, it's been incredibly hard not to bond immediately... It's like a physical phenomenon, you feel yourself falling in love!

OP posts:

Mollybird1 · 13/05/2016 21:54

Ah that's so nice to hear, I do worry about the bonding sometimes and whether it will happen etc. I really hope it works out the way you want it to and you've got the missing piece of your puzzle! X

Original poster

talllikejerryhall · 17/05/2016 18:00

Just want to update you all to say...

It literally could not be going any better. Our foster carer has been unbelievably supportive and really helped the transition and my baby girl is currently fast asleep on my chest as I type this into my phone.

Anxieties about bonding are competently moot: me and my husband are just smitten.

It really feels as though the wait has been worthwhile, and I am so glad that we took our time with the process and didn't try to force anything.

I wish you all the best in your adoption journeys - and keep the faith!

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 17/05/2016 19:46

Thanks for the update and glad to hear it's going well .

Can I ask how you are coping with contact with the birth family ? ( obviously without giving any identifying details )

Does your 7yo DD know about it and what does she make of it ?

I hope you don't mind my asking , but I think that these are both big concerns that some prospective adopters have about FTA

Original poster

talllikejerryhall · 18/05/2016 07:39

We met the birth mum the other day - a one time only meeting, annual letter box contact after this - and while emotionally intense, it was good to meet her, speak to her, see in what way she resembled our daughter. But must admit I am glad that we don't have to do it again, as it was not easy. We will however write complete timely account of our AD until she can write herself, as she deserves that (a surprising number of people telling us to not do this!)

Bonding has been really quick between BC and AC - perhaps because baby is SO young, there is no competitive element? But everyone needs to feel like an integral part of process, so that meant relaxing enough to let birth child hold baby, get close to them and engage.

So far - and I admit it is early days - but so good!

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 18/05/2016 11:37

I'm glad that the meeting went well and suprised that it was only once . Most people I know who have done FTA have had several meetings a week with BF, usually mum and sometimes others such as grandmother. Which must be quite demanding for everyone .

I'm really suprised that people have told you not to keep up letterbox contact - how odd. And wrong of course . As you say, it's for the child's benefit .

Even if you don't think it won't help your child now , it's important to do so for the future. And it means so much to most birth parents , even though many do not reply .i understand it's very hard for everyone and often people don't know what to say, they are given little or no support and SS can be crap / positively negligent at doing their small part .

SureLy most adopter have some compassion for birth parents , most of them are not bad people , they have just got their lives in a bit of a mess because of bad circumstances, lack of support and perhaps poor choices . Which we've all done to some extent .

Sounds like it's going well with your 7yo too . Hope it continues to go smoothly .

Flip