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new partner wants to adopt DD.

23 replies

chloeb2002 · 31/12/2006 18:16

Hello this is maybe an odd one not sure. DD's natural father has never had contact never wanted it etc. did have dna test done for paternity because he deinied it etc. good relationship with his folks, we were living together and stuff at the time of conception! he just lost the plot. will be getting married in october to new partner, new partner wants to adopt DD not sure if this is possible etc. to make matters harder ex lives in australia not sure if we need his consent or not yet he has refused to sigh birth certificate, anyone else ever done this???

OP posts:
nikkie · 31/12/2006 18:31

think you need his consent but bumping this as someone else may be able to help

sophiewd · 31/12/2006 18:44

Friends of ours have just done this. He adopted her son from another relationship and they had to get consent from the natural father as he would be giving away all paternal rights. This was done and the adoption has gone through.

Kristingle · 31/12/2006 22:35

yes you will need his consent. or get the courts to remove his parental rights, which i woudl have thought would be unlikely. I guess you coudl research on the net under "step parent adoption". its pretty common

there are other orders your new partner coudl get . like a parental reponsibilities order ( not sure what they are called in England). you will probably have to be together for a while before the court woudl grant an order, to demonstrate your marriage is stable etc

chloeb2002 · 01/01/2007 13:22

Thanks alot still waiting for a friend who acts as my solicitor in Aus to find out where we would need to lodeg the application. He natural father has never had any input he has sent two csa cheques birth for not alot! just enough to stop them taking him to court! thanks for the suggestions. i cant think he will objec, just got a cold feeling when my solicitor mentioned compulsary counselling and such like. i know he has his head a long way in the sand still but dont want to make maters too confusing for dd. thanks again

OP posts:
Kristingle · 01/01/2007 16:57

you know your ex. If he relinquished parental rights and Dd was adopted, he woulndt have to pay any maintenance again and she woulndt inherit from his estate. But he would lose all "rights" over her, she woudl no longer be his daughter ( in teh eyes of teh law).Some men are reluctant to let go of their "rights" even though they do not want to take any responsibility for their child

Would your DD still be in contact with her biological father's parents?

Kristingle · 01/01/2007 17:01

i am not a lawyer but i woudl have thought that you woudl lodge teh adoption petition where the child lives.

but i think the court woudl expect you to have been married for a couple of years before they woudl grant an adoption to your husband-to-be

also why woudl you be trying to lodge the petition now before you have the consent of your ex? and you say you are not getting married unbtil october 2007??

Cwmbranchildminder · 04/01/2007 15:47

Right think i can help as going through this myself.
1st the father does not need to give there permission if child was born before Sept2003(think thats correct date) they just ask opinion.
To go through the adoption process u need to contact your local social services who do everything, no solicitors need for adoption process. Only if Bio father wants to take u to court etc to stop process.
The S/w will interview everyone involved in child;s life. Past and present and ask everyones opinion and views. Also if they cant trace bio father they hire private detective now a day.
Ive bn going through this process for about 6mths now and the bio father is contesting adoption process and stating he is taking me to court. Im now in the position to think is it worth it? My child is happy & do I want to chance the bio being granted access.
Also you have to tell your child who bio father is as my child didnt realise. It doesnt matter how young there are either plus u have to show photos of bio father which i disagree with.
Im now wishing I never started this whole process and I fear my son will be forced to see bio!
Any questions tho feel free

Muminfife · 15/01/2007 23:11

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Cwmbranchildminder · 17/01/2007 19:15

Ive had my s/w bk to say how X was so sorry for what he'd done in past and how he's changed ect ect and how she sympatised with him......He fed her a total load of BULL and Ive been so so so upset. I really wished I hadnt rocked the boat as we are all perfectly happy. Im now awaiting to find out if he's taking me to court.
My X in the past was very violent and abusive - never ever there for my lo and stole off us / trashed our hse and left me for a member of my family & now has a child with her. I feel so angry with myself for bringing all up again and wish we'd carried on living our happy life,I'd be so desstoyed if my lo had to have contact with X as it would disturb him. S/W was really nice on the first load of visits but certainly changed her opinion since speaking with X. I tried telling her he is a good liar and thats why I put up with his Sh*t for so long cos he'd beg me back promise he'd change etc but she said she knows when someone is genuine.
All I can say to other's thinking about it. It is a good idea and it should be a simple process to make true families i.e someone being a parenet but maynot be blood. official on paper...but if it means that the happy life could be destroyed by the X then is it truely worth it.
Sorry for such long post but Im very emotional about subject at mo!

buktus · 17/01/2007 19:19

is there any way a child can be adopted without the dad knowing about it, i.e - hes not on the birth certificate

Cwmbranchildminder · 17/01/2007 20:52

if he is not on the birth cert - your best bet is to say you have no idea who the father could be - one night stand/no name/adress/etc etc and hope for the best. Id rather be in that situation!

buktus · 18/01/2007 10:28

my dh has a child from a previous relationship,he is not on the birth certificate but does pay maintenance how de we know if she has ever been adopted, we dont know where they live either and have no contact

Cwmbranchildminder · 18/01/2007 13:15

why does he pay maintanence if he doesnt see her or not on birth cert? I would stop maintenance until he is on birth cert,surely that is only right? Is it through the CSA?

Cwmbranchildminder · 18/01/2007 13:15

why does he pay maintanence if he doesnt see her or not on birth cert? I would stop maintenance until he is on birth cert,surely that is only right? Is it through the CSA?

Muminfife · 18/01/2007 15:42

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buktus · 18/01/2007 19:03

yes it is through the csa, but for all we know she could have met someone else and she could have been adopted or would the csa have to tell us? and do you think i should raise the birth cert issue with the csa as they obviously know where she is we dont

Cwmbranchildminder · 19/01/2007 09:45

If someone adopts a child then they take all responsibilities including financially so I cant see how the child could have been adopted as the social worker would have found out about the csa payments.
I would demand your dh name on birth cert if he paying as the father? Has he had DNA test?Is he 100% sure that child is his? Maybe he can get around it by saying he may not be father and not being on the birth cert the mother hasnt confirmed he is so either DNA test done then on birth cert done or he dont pay - I think that is more than resonable!

kiwinat · 19/01/2007 11:14

I was adopted by my stepdad 30yrs ago. Even then my mother had to get consent from my father. He was abusive to her but over the years had sorted himself out. I didn't meet him again until I was 26 and met my younger bro and sis for the first time (initial contact was by father tracing my mother). She had told untruths to get him to sign the consent form and while it all worked out ok and had a reasonably good childhood, I'm sorry I missed out on knowing my father and siblings for so long. He passed way 2 years ago, so I'm glad I had the few years I did. We had loads in common and my step-mother always used to comment on us having the same expressions. I can't recommend adoption if a child still has a natural parent out there even if they're not a fantastic person, or absent from their life, it's a natural desire to want to know where we come from and to know our birth parents.

Judy1234 · 19/01/2007 11:58

I think the child has a father however inadequate and you need consent. It is possbile as your daughter gets older she might want to spend summers in Australia, get to know her grandparents and family there and they can build up a relationship.

LucyLemon · 01/03/2007 21:28

Cwmbranchildminder - how awful for you. I really hope that things work out. I have a manipulative ex-h and could see that he would respond in the same way. This reminds me that it is best to keep things as they are and quietly get on with it. It doesn't seem at all fair though.

Chloe - I agree with Xenia. You obviously do need to get consent if only to prevent this turning around and biting you on the bum in a few years time. Perhaps your daughter will decide for herself in years to come that she is not interested in her biological father. I've decided to wait until my youngest daughter is 7yrs old before going down a similar route to you. That way, I believe and someone do correct me if I am wrong, my children will both have the right to refuse to see their father if that is what they want. For now I am going to lie low and enjoy the peace and quiet. We haven't seen him for two years now and our relationship is 'amicable' (as they say) but basically non-existent. I don't prevent him from seeing them, he chooses not to contact us. We do not speak so we do not argue. I haven't asked for any money and he has never offered although he earns a generous salary. I do not bad-mouth him (or even speak of him) to or around the girls but, unfortunately, the eldest remembers his violent temper and never had a good relationship with him to miss. So this works fine for us and the girls have a number of positive male figures in their lives.

ash6605 · 09/03/2007 21:48

Cwmbranchildminder-you are assuming that buktus' OH actually WANTS to see his child.although i don't know the situation either and,forgive me buktus if i offend you in saying this but just because he pays maintenence for his child should not automatically grant him access.

my X left me when i was pregnant with DS,he didn't want to know,had no interest in son and told me he did not want to be on birth certifcate.he decided to come back into sons life at a year old because his mam pushed him to see DS and we agreed on access and C.S.A payments were arranged.

although i have stuck to my side of the agreement X rarely sees ds,more often than not it is his mother that picks him up,he sleeps at her house,goes to her house for tea,she is the one who is there for him when
he is ill,goes to his school plays e.t.c. I cannot fault her she is a fab gran.but my point is,my x chooses NOT to see my son,chose NOT to be on his birth certificate,but why should my son and i lose maintenence because of that?

buktus · 19/03/2007 09:39

he isnt 100% sure prob 99% which is good enough in his eyes he saw her when she was born she doesnt want contact with him anymore things have moved on in all of our lives i was just wondering about the whole adoption thing

twinkle183 · 02/04/2007 20:50

Hi ya mate..

My friend has just done this if the father has not had any contact with the child and is not on the birth certificate then you don't need to get any consent as according to the government he does not have any rights to that child!!!

You can go for a private adoption - also if you say that he is living in another country and there is no way for you to get in contact with him then how are you to ask him!!!

You could get also a parental responsibility which gives him more rights than the natural father, however if something was to happen to you the child doesn't automatically go to him - you would need a will in place as well!!!

I hope that this helps...

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